The 14th of January marked one whole year since my wedding day. It's the strangest thing, looking back on it all. It feels like a lifetime ago and only yesterday, all at once. There's definitely something about your wedding day that makes it seem almost like a dream.

But back to reality you must go. Life after wedding. The confetti has settled, all
the cake has been eaten and you've deleted your precious planning
spreadsheets. What next?

One year on, a beginners guide to marriage

Print design by Lucy Says I Do, whose wedding featured on Love My Dress here and who writes her own blog too

Here are just a few observations from my first year of marriage…

1. Post-wedding blues are an actual real thing.

2. You don't have to stop reading wedding blogs. Thank goodness.

3. Referring to your fella as 'my husband' never gets old. Well, it hasn't yet anyway. 'Have you met my husband, he does very husbandy things. Husband! Do come here and say hello. Oh there you are husband. Husband, husband, husband.'

4.
People start asking about babies almost immediately. Even if you've
already popped a couple out before saying 'I do'. Luckily, I can make a
witty retort about the Mister going for the snip, but I'm aware the
childless among you probably can't adopt this line of defence.

5. The first fight as husband and wife smarts a little. Try to avoid screaming things like 'I want a divorce' if you can. 

6. Dry cleaning your wedding dress will always be something you can do
next week. Perhaps you're more attached to the dirt on the train than
you realise?

7. Changing your name {if indeed you decide to
do so} is a long and arduous task. I still can't spell my new moniker
either. And letters addressed to Mr & Mrs. Carl Shanahan? What is
THAT about? My name is F R A N K Y.

8. 80% of your wedding will probably still be stored under you bed 12
months later. I've got candle holders, table cloths, doileys, unworn
welly boots, a table plan and a vintage suitcase full of various
mementos. I am an episode of 'Hoarders' waiting to happen.

9.
The true value of your wedding photos only reveals itself months after
the event. On a particularly bad day, there they are, ready to transport
you back to a time when nothing else mattered but love and family and
friends. They remind you that you were beautiful, your parents never
stopped smiling, your grandmother bought a new hat especially, and Uncle Anthony was amazing on the dance floor. You may think you've
committed it all to memory anyway, but you still see something new every
time you look at them.

10. Your vows are so much more than words.
They are action, thought and deed. They are a foundation. They are there
to guide you when you're close to losing your way. Repeat them over and over whenever you need to. I do.

The morning after we wed, I found myself packed tightly into the back of my Mum's car, heading back to Devon with my husband and our two children. My daughter Isabel and I were entwined on the back seat, her head resting on my shoulder and our legs brushing against each other. Naturally, vomit was the worst thing that could possibly happen. There was nowhere for it go but all over me, and so it did. My first day of married life was punctuated by my daughter's worst case of travel sickness to date.

I laughed at the absurdity of the situation as I feebly tried to clean myself up with a baby wipe. The abhorrent odour lingered within the car for the remainder of the journey, easily overpowering the scent of my wilting bouquet that lay on the dashboard in the front. The incident served as a potent reminder that, married or not, there would always be puke to clear up, metaphorically speaking.

Worth remembering.

What are your thoughts on life after wedding? Is the thought of leaving all the planning behind terrifying, or are you ready to embrace the next phase of the adventure? Do the married among you have anything to add to my list of observations? I'd love to hear your thoughts in the comment section below. 

Much love,

Franky

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18 thoughts on One Year On ~ A Beginners Guide to Marriage…

  1. A beautiful piece and I completely agree I am just over a year into marriage and the baby questions completely randomly come at you. The first fight/I want a divorce, saying it in your head but not out loud because you can!!! And the photographs it is true even now I spot something new, heart warming or funny, it is so lovely :) thank you for posting this today it has made me feel happy and content about the first year of marriage! Xx

  2. I absolutely love this Franky, I love the way you infuse a touch of humour with absolutely beautiful words and memories.
    The vows brought a tear to my eye and really made me think about my own marital commitment yesterday – how we should remember to be pause, be in the moment and always thoughtful of the one we love and have committed our life too.
    Number 5 made me laugh out loud. Hahaha ;))
    xXx

  3. A really lovely piece Franky. I grinned after reading each observation…they all resonate with me after just 4 months of marriage! Thanks for capturing those feelings so well. PS. Your vows are beautiful thanks for choosing one of my designs to frame them x

  4. Hi Franky, happy anniversary!!!! ;)
    What a stunning post! You have just inspired me to write a personal post which I’ve not done for a while! ;) just Discovering that these wretched post wedding blues do exist. :(
    Hubby and I have been married just 2 months now and I also question the Mr and Mrs ‘hubby’s first name’ followed by new surname. Er where’s my first name gone? Is it laziness?! Lol!
    Haha! also has a chuckle at the dry cleaning dress comment as I look at mine with its dirty train still!
    And the “I want a divorce” comment! And painting your picture of reality the morning after the night before tickled me.
    What a poignant post Franky. Your vows are truly inspiring, we also wrote our own vows, and feel that they do become a powerful foundation. Treasure yours and your memories. They are so precious! Happy Anniversary again! Xxx

  5. I love this and it’s all so true! 18 months later I still can’t get used to calling D my husband, and think it’ll take a while before I do.. my dress is hanging in the dining room ‘ready to be dry cleaned’.. the shed is full of wedding paraphernalia..
    But after 18 months (and 5 years) the best part is still waking up next him and facing the day together, (these days with a little one wedged between us).. and some things don’t ever have to change :)

  6. Thank you so much, I’m so pleased it resonates with you.
    Post wedding blues definitely are an actual real thing, I’m sure of it! I found reading Love My Dress and looking at our wedding photos at least once a day a very good cure though!
    Enjoy the rest of your 1st year together, and of course many more besides!
    Franky
    xxx

  7. No, thank YOU Lucy. The print is just at the shop being framed, I cannot wait to collect it and hang it in our bedroom at home. It will be treasured forever.
    Franky xxx

  8. So true after 18 months of being Mr and Mrs. I still adore calling Mr H ‘my husband’ and, yes, I’m still in the process of changing my name! I alternate between the two daily and end up confusing myself. I also have a box of wedding stuff that I open from time-to-time. When I do I am rewarded with an evocative waft of fragrance from the French soap favours that takes me straight back to that wonderful warm day in south-west France where we said ‘I do’. Wonderful memories on a freezing cold January morning. thank you.

  9. Franky, this is so beautifully written and resonates so well with me, now being 9 mths into being a Mrs.
    For me the first “so when are you going to have babies then?” comment came at about 7pm on our wedding day…we got a kitten instead, that’s temporarily shut them up! ;)
    I think the little secret that nobody tells you when you’re planning a wedding is that being married is incredible, but it’s also a little tough. Coping with the hard times is much easier with someone you love and adore at your side…but those hard times still exist sadly. And it takes a little time to settle into having a husband once all the excitement of the day has worn off.
    I completely agree with your comments about the importance of the vows as well…we thought long and hard about the words we would say to each other and they continue to be such a solace and a guide when times have been hard.
    xx
    p.s. my dress hasn’t been cleaned either – I have this ridiculous notion that by cleaning it I’ll be washing away memories….such a sentimental fool!

  10. Happy Anniversary Franky :) completely agree, been married a long time and still smart when I get the Mr and Mrs Michael … letters through the mail. Grrr!! I did get my dress dry-cleaned as hubbie fell in a moat while we were having our wedding pics taken – moat slime everywhere!! – but now I wouldn’t mind having a little bit of moat on my dress to giggle at with our children! Xxx

  11. Happy anniversary Franky. This post made me chuckle. Especially ‘Husband. husband, husband’ :)
    My fiance doesn’t quite know what I will do with myself once I don’t have a wedding to plan, he thinks I’ll want give up my job and plan other peoples. Er… no thanks!
    I’m looking forward to just living! Not having to save so much money and question every purchase. We hope to move flat and so making a home for ourselves with our own stuff instead of the landlord’s is an exciting prospect. Taking up new hobbies together now that we will have all that spare time back. Just enjoying each others company :)
    I hope the baby question doesn’t come straight away from people. None of my married friends have children yet and I’d like a couple of years of husband and wife before being known as daddy and mummy.
    I can’t wait to be known as Mrs Tennant though. Definitely changing my name but not looking forward to the long process it seems to entail.

  12. A belated happy anniversary to you and your dashing hubby Franky! I can hardly believe it has been a year already – I remember so clearly seeing (and swooning at) your fabulous wedding on this very blog. I can only imagine how quickly that year has gone for you with all that has happened.
    As always your post brought a smile to my face, especially point 2! :) I continue to use moving to NZ and applying for residency visas as the excuse for not yet changing my name (despite having residency now for over 6 months), but calling Mr E husband at every possible opportunity, even 2 years later, still hasn’t gotten old!
    Hope Jesse is feeling better! x

  13. This is so lovely, I’m getting married in September and will definitely remember these guidelines afterwards! x

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