Nick and I are now, effectively, about a month away from our wedding. Invitations have long since been delivered and RSVPs are slowly rolling in. Days and weeks and months have evaporated in the blink of an eye, and I’m staring down the barrel of a wedding that seems like it’s still scattered in metaphorical pieces on the metaphorical floor.
I’m almost done being a fiancé, which is both elating and a bit nerve-wracking, because I’d love to say, “Great news, guys, everything is 100% sorted out and I can now spend the next month getting massages and spa treatments!”
The truth, though, is that there is still much, much to do.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned about wedding planning over the past year-and-change, it’s that progress comes in abrupt bursts, separated by long periods of seeming inactivity. It can sometimes feel like months pass with nary a line item completed- and then suddenly, in the space of a week, you’re just crossing stuff off the list left and right. But during those slow-moving periods, it can be easy to feel like you’re doing absolutely NOTHING.
If you’re creating a lot of the parts of your wedding yourself, this can be a particularly insidious mindset. Chances are, if you’re 40 days, give or take, from your wedding like I am, you’ve long since done all your hiring and non-DIY purchases, and all you’re left with to do are the things you have to do with your own two little hardworking hands. It’s exhausting, both creatively and physically, and it can feel like ages and ages before anything is “done.” All you really want to do is lay prostrate on the sofa with an IV of wine or ice cream, but the little wedding devil on your shoulder is goading you to pick up the scissors and just do one more hand-crafted favor or three more place cards or a bit more dyeing. And as you work, you might start to wonder why it is that all these things that you thought would be great fun are starting to feel more akin to weekend chores.
Overall, my projects have been things I’ve been passionate about- but even so, it’s only natural that to tire of something after working on it for what seems like an eternity, regardless of how delightful one might find the process at the start. The making of my dress is a fantastic example- it’s something that I spent literally years anticipating, and months and months actually designing and sewing. There were several times throughout those months that I just got sick of looking at it. I would start to question every decision I made in regards to its design, working myself into a tizzy by convincing myself I had chosen the wrong silhouette or color or detail.
Luckily, I’ve been working in creative fields long enough to know that when that begins to happen, it’s time to put the project away for a while. This is true across the board, whether it’s a dress or a ceremony backdrop. When you take it out again in a week or a month or three months, 90% of the time, you’ll fall in love with it all over, and the joy you find in the process will be back.
In the meantime, just shift your focus. Find those projects that are easy and quick, and balance those with your big-ticket projects that will, by their very nature, drag on for long stretches. Knocking a few of the smaller projects out is just as satisfying as a major item. For me, paper flowers fit the bill. They’re fun, quick to make, and beautiful. The ideal distraction project can be completed in the space of a weekday evening, preferably accompanied by takeout. With paper flowers, I can work on them for 20 minutes or make a whole Saturday out of it with my bridesmaids.
Another option to combat wedding fatigue is to simply not work on wedding stuff. Do something else that makes you happy. Anything else. If a wedding project doesn’t get done, well, then it just doesn’t get done. We’re still getting married, whether I torture myself all the way to the finish line or not. And despite all the time and effort that has gone into the wedding so far, I know that it doesn’t define me or Nick or our relationship. So when I’m particularly hating the planning/making process, I just don’t do it. You are not your wedding, I tell myself, even though it can definitely feel like it during these final stretches. I repeat it until I believe it.
So, as a final thought, for both my fellow brides and as a reminder to myself:
You’re almost there. Enjoy the ride. Only do what you want to do, and not a lick more. Really. Because you’re the bride. And you’re the boss.
Kasia x
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Kasia Wisniewski, age 27
Wedding Date: 27th June 2015
Wedding Location: New York
Find Kasia at: veiled-threat.com, Instagram, Pinterest
You can read all Kasia’s ‘Lovettes’ blog features for Love My Dress here, including details about her wedding in this feature.
All photos Kasia Wisniewski and Nick Foley.
I loved this post Kasia, all of the DIY’s you’ve been doing look absolutely INCREDIBLE so you should be SO proud of yourself (that dress!!!! and those invites!!), I only wish the projects I’ve undertaken looked as good. A homemade wedding was really important to us but by golly is it a task and a half. We’ve still got six months to go but I completely relate to everything you’ve said about starting to hate the process after a while, after spending the weekend stamping names onto tags, I never want to see stamps and ink again, but like you say… take a bit of time away and come back to it with a fresh head.
I can’t wait to see your wedding in full and see you in that incredible dress – you’re going to look beautiful!
Jac
Thanks, Jac! Handmade weddings seem like such a good idea at the start… but somehow, the list of things I’m “never doing again” seems to grow. 🙂
I can’t wait to see YOUR wedding and dress- just spent a bit of time catching up on your blog and can’t wait to see what you’ve been cooking up!
It’s like this in many aspects of creativity in life too, right, or your job? Or anything? I guess we all just need to be reminded that it’s OK to not want (or feel you must) engage with the planning process ALL of the time. It’s cool to take some time away – to disengaged completely! It’s healthy and keeps a balanced approach.
I can’t wait to see your wedding too Jaclyn 🙂 xx
Great post!! I get married the week before you and this is exactly how I’m feeling!!! I too have been designing and sewing my wedding dress for months, and while I have loved the process on the whole, I totally agree with your thoughts and have had to step away from it once or twice. I’ve also got lots of DIY projects to complete, but bizarrely I feel less pressure to get them done the nearer we get to the wedding. I think because a bit like yours they all seem to be added “extras”. We can get married even if there are no button drawing pins on the cute corkboard guestbook (which is yet to be created). Good luck, enjoy the exciting run-up to the wedding!! I will try to take my own advice and enjoy it too xx
Oh man! Good luck to you, too- I hope everything goes swimmingly! I completely agree about feeling less pressure to complete certain projects- so many things that, a year ago, I was convinced I would simply die without, now seem… a little less urgent. I just like to comfort myself by thinking that the things that really are important will get done, and whatever does not wasn’t essential in the first place.
I will send you lots of good DIY vibes this next month! xo
Hehe! Your reply made me chuckle Marie – the bit about the drawing pins on the cute corkboard – the things we do eh? 🙂 (it’s a great idea by the way, do it!).
Good luck with the rest of your wedding planning. I hope you get to take some downtime from it all and that your day is AMAZING.
Love Annabel xx
Your invitations are so gorgeous! Making your own dress is such a huge undertaking but it will mean so much to you now and in years to come, there’s no price for that. I have a feeling your wedding will be pretty spectacular.
Aww, thank you!! I really hope it all comes together! I’m happy that my dress is, for the most part, done, and at least I won’t be naked on the day. 🙂
Oh I LOVED and NEEDED to hear this post. I am exactly at the same point as you… and am feeling ALL these things. As a creative person (i sometimes think, goddess) , I want to make absolutely everything…. but I am starting to see that balance is needed so I don’t get completely overwhelmed by the whole thing and forget why I am getting married in the first place. Thank you for your post! x
I hope everything goes well for you! I totally relate- I also wanted to make everything, and as a result, DID take on too much- if I could go back in time, there would definitely be a few things that wouldn’t have made it onto the to-do list! Regardless, there’s something really cool about being able to point to pretty much anything at the wedding and say, “I made that… and that… ” As long as you don’t have to sacrifice your sanity, of course! 🙂 Still working on that part.
Thank you for this! We’re getting married 3 weeks on Saturday (eek!) and this is exactly where I’m at – so much to do, so little energy left for it, so just wishing it was all done and ready and we could just get married already! It’s encouraging to know I’m not the only one. I’ve been worried that I’m the only person in the world who sometimes hates wedding planning! I expected it all to be so much fun but in reality it’s been much harder than I expected. I just keep telling myself it WILL be worth it – and ultimately it doesn’t matter whether I get all these paper boats made or if the table plan is less than perfect, as I’ll be marrying my fiance either way.
Three weeks! Sending all my best wishes to you!!
I am completely with you on expecting it to be incredibly fun and having the somewhat rude awakening that wedding planning is NOT always pleasant… People always says stuff like, “Oh, it’s the best time of your life,” but it’s HARD!
But it will be worth it!! I hope your wedding is fantastic and everything you wanted (it will be)!