An Etiquette Guide to Social Media at Weddings

social media etiquette at weddings 1

Whether you’re sticking to tradition or throwing the rulebook out of the window, etiquette is a fundamental part of wedding planning. However, over the past couple of years, these guidelines have become increasingly blurred, from the ‘who pays for what’ to the ‘who wears white’. I love the fact that weddings are so personal, that you can choose to keep the elements that are important to you and quietly let go of those that aren’t but this can sometimes make it hard for guests to know what’s acceptable to you and what isn’t.

slipper satin, charlie brear, london pub wedding, LM Weddings Photography

Photography by LM Weddings
From this real wedding on Love My Dress

One perfect example of this is the incredibly important but rarely defined use of social media at weddings. We all spend so much time sharing, snapping, liking and commenting that it’s easy to just assume that we can carry on doing exactly that same when we’re at weddings. Social media is a way of life but it’s also become the wedding crasher of the last half-decade.

Unplugged-Weddings-12

Image via Jeff Marsh Studios

How do you feel about walking up the aisle to see all your friends watching you through their smartphone screens? What would you think about your speeches or first dance being shared on Facebook or photos of you hitting Instagram or Twitter before you’ve even said your vows? Thanks to all things social, wedding etiquette needs a modern-day update so, with that in mind, here’s my guide to the dos and don’ts of social media at weddings.

The Do’s And Don’t’s For The Bride and Groom

  • DO let you guests know where you stand.  Whether you’re all for it, or dead set against it, if you have a strong opinion about social media then you need to let guests know.  If you decide against social media then a polite sign at your wedding venue, note in your Order of Service or letting your wedding party discreetly spread the word are all ways to let your views be known.  If you want as much of your wedding documented on social media as possible, then…
  • DO create a personalised hashtag as this will encourage your guests to take as many pictures as possible, will make it easier for your guests to share your wedding and at the same time it will make it easier for you to find their photos after your wedding.

umplugged wedding

Via Pinterest

  • DON’T carry your phone with you on the day unless you really need to.  Your wedding will pass you by in a flash so live in the moment, dance, drink, eat and be merry.
  • DON’T let guests photograph your Ceremony.  Whether you’re encouraging social media at your wedding or not, it’s extremely frustrating for you and your photographer to end up with unwanted flashes and shot-blocking iPads which ruin your official, paid-for photographs.  Once again, a polite notice at the front of the venue, or having the officiant ask people to put away their phones until after the ceremony will keep some of these issues at bay.
  • DO accept that there will be someone or something that slips through the net! If you’re having a social media free wedding there will always be that one person who ignores your polite notices and uploads a photo of your wedding before you’ve had the chance to upload one yourself. You can’t control everything and especially not an over-enthusiastic, snap happy guest.
  • DON’T replace thank-you cards with a status update.  Thanking everyone and sharing snippets of information about your amazing day online is absolutely fine, if not encouraged, but don’t let that take the place of personal thank-you cards or emails to the people who came, gave gifts and celebrated with you.
  • DO consider live streaming your day, especially if you have friends or family that can’t be with you as this will give them the opportunity to digitally celebrate with you. Have you discovered Periscope yet? Download the app here, search for ‘Love My Dress’ and click ‘follow!’

bournemouth weddings, beach hut wedding, the couture co, plus size bride, curvy bride, mia photography, beach wedding, seaside weddings, bournemouth

Photography by Mia Photography
From this real wedding on Love My Dress

The Do’s And Don’t’s For Guests

  • DO take note of any social media notices – is the wedding a social media free zone or hashtaggable affair.  If it’s the latter then make an effort and use that wedding hashtag.  If guidance hasn’t been given and you’re in any doubt then just use common sense!
  • DON’T get in the way of the official photographer.  This particularly applies to key moments during the wedding and carefully established group or couples shots.
  • DON’T post any unflattering pictures of the Bride. If in any doubt then don’t post them at all.
  • DO put down your phone and watch what’s going on around you. Time and time again I’ve witnessed wedding guests watching a Bride walk down the aisle through their phone screen rather than watching what’s actually happening in front of them.  If you were the Bride walking down the aisle would you prefer to see your guests’ faces behind a sea of phones or watching you and as you embark on one of the most incredible days of your life?  So put your phone down and enjoy the experience.

social media etiquette at weddings - 1

Image via Pinterest

If, up until now, you were in any doubt then I hope this guide sheds a little light and points you in the right direction and if you’re about to get married then hopefully this will get you thinking about whether or not you want social media to play a part in your wedding.   I would love to hear what you think about ‘all things social’ so please do leave a comment below.

Love Katrina x

 

Wedding & Event planner Katrina Otter specialises in designing, coordinating and delivering beautifully bespoke weddings, events and private parties throughout East Anglia, the Midlands and London.  As an independent wedding planner, Katrina is able to offer a more personalised approach to wedding and event planning – one that is totally focused on what her individual clients want, and is free to adapt her role and service to suit each client’s requirements.  Katrina is a contributor to Love My Dress. Visit her webpage at katrinaotterweddings.co.uk.

Katrina

Katrina View all Katrina's articles

I’m a planner, strategist, designer, thinker, doer, perfectionist, artist, creative, partner, friend, and I’m passionate about supporting the incredible community of Love My Dress readers by sharing my knowledge of weddings and wedding planning via regular, HONEST and practical planning features. As part of the Love My Dress team, I love having the opportunity to explore different aspects of wedding planning and since 2015 have covered everything from learning how to embrace imperfection to pressures, worries and wobbles. You can find out more about who I am, what I do, my style, my approach, and the wedding planning support services I offer at Katrina Otter Weddings.

26 thoughts on “An Etiquette Guide to Social Media at Weddings

  1. Thank-you so much for this! It’s so helpful… I’m really torn over the whole social media debate! Our wedding is over a weekend, with the ceremony on the Friday, and additional guests arriving on the Saturday, for the reception. I love Instagram and I am more than happy for guests to snap away as post but I would like them to hold off until all the guests have arrived on the Saturday evening! eeeek, is that unreasonable? I just want all my guests to experience everything first hand, and not via FB etc… x

    1. Hi Rea!

      I’m so pleased you found this post helpful! I don’t think what you’re suggesting is unreasonable at all, it’s your wedding! Is it too late to add a note to the stationery/invites, if not, have a little sign created for placing somewhere the guests can see it on arriving?

      Much love in planning the rest of your wedding,

      Annabel xxx

    2. Hi Rea,

      I definitely agree with Annabel – what you’re suggesting is completely reasonable.

      You could try the sign route, add a note to your Order of Service / Order of Day cards, ask your wedding party to spread the word or whoever is officiating your ceremony.

      Wishing you all the best for your wedding.

      Kat x

    3. This is an excellent article and a really interesting and productive discussion.

      Unfortunately it is not only guests who sometimes don’t respect couple’s wishes but also wedding vendors… An increasing number feel impelled to intervene without prior permission during the ceremony itself with i-phones, i-pads and cameras… and even video the proceedings. Some post photos and videos to make it appear as if they have organized the event and use such images for their own marketing purposes.

      We are now asked by some couples to make a speech before the processional, requesting that everyone present respects their desire for privacy and to ensure that the professional photographers have free visibility, especially during crucial moments such as the processional, vows, exchange of rings and recessional.

      Recently we were forced to briefly interrupt a ceremony to politely ask a Florist to move out of the way. She was in shot while the couple were listening to a blessing of rings and were in the process of offering and receiving them…

      We recently pointed out this issue on our Facebook page and a number of photographers contacted us privately to explain they are concerned about compromising future opportunities, believing they risk becoming ostracised by wedding professionals if they voice their opinions.

      They are in a difficult position of course, as are Celebrants who genuinely care about their clients.

      Sadly manners, discretion and respect are becoming old fashioned values… and although some couples are quite happy with social media intervention there are many who do feel that guests should view and listen to the ceremony, paying full attention to the only protagonists who should be at a wedding.. namely the Bride and Groom:)

  2. Thanks! Great post! I do love to see a hashtag to group all pictures together, but weddings are so personal, I think they shouldn’t be posted on social media, it’s nice to keeps somethings to yourselves. Blogs like these are great to tell the full story for your guests though!

    1. Hi Jacqueline,

      I love reading real weddings on Love My Dress too – you definitely get a sense of how much love, work and emotion goes into planning a wedding.

      So pleased you like the post and thank you for your feedback.

      Kat x

  3. What a great post! I’m so glad that it’s not just us facing this dilema! My fiance and I are currently going through a debate about social media at our wedding next year. He is completely anti-social media, whereas I see it as a great way to see photographs that we would normally miss out on. We have come to a compromise where we are going to ask guests (in the invite and the order of service) that if they want to take photos to please bring a proper camera and email the photos to us afterwards to a specially set up wedding email address so we can collate them all ourselves and not miss a thing! I am keen though that the guests relax and enjoy themselves, rather than taking lots of photos so there will be no photos during the ceremony.
    Besides….that’s what the professional wedding photographer is there for! x

    1. Hi Karys,

      It certainly sounds like you’ve come up with the perfect compromise and having no photos during the ceremony will ensure that all eyes are on the two of you!

      It will also ensure that no-one gets in the way of your wedding photographer so a total win win!

      I hope you have a wonderful wedding next year.

      Kat x

  4. Great tips. I am not planning a wedding, but I’ve been attending many, and the social media thing is always questionable. I think having hashtags and all that is a great idea, but I know so many weddings where it hasn’t worked well and it is almost ALWAYS down to planning. xx

    1. Hi Sarah,

      Thanks! And I completely agree – if you create a personalised hashtag you need to let people know about it as much as possible. In my opinion the more places you can display your hashtag to your guests the better!

      Kat x

  5. We debated this quite a lot before our wedding a month ago. I love social media and my now husband(!) is not so bothered. I had contemplated combinations of asking people not to photograph the ceremony, asking people not to share photos until the evening, asking people to use a wedding hashtag, asking people to upload everything to wedpics. In the end, we did none of those and just left it to chance!
    And actually, it worked out really well. No one posted anything during the day at all (despite the venue having excellent wifi), in fact the first pictures went up around 2am, and it was great seeing a few photos as we went to bed! I loved having so many pictures to look at before we got the professional shots back (even though we had a preview within a couple of weeks), with friends using facebook and family and family friends using wedpics. I didn’t see a sea of camera phones as I walked down the aisle (I saw nothing at all other than H2b!), and yes, there are some pictures of phones in our professional photos, but mostly they are of me! I was so pleased to have ceremony photos too, so I’m glad we did that. And the only time someone really got in the way of the photographer was quite late on in the night, following quite a few cocktails.
    So I’m really pleased that we left it to our guests’ discretion!

    1. Hi Juliette,

      Wedpics is a great idea! And I’m so pleased to hear that the direction you took worked out really well for you. I know not everyone is as fortunate so kudos to your guests!

      Thank you for the feedback.

      Kat x

  6. Really useful post! I hadn’t thought about social media at all but reading through the article made me realise how much I’d hate to walk down the aisle to a sea of phones and cameras. As you’ve suggested, I think we’ll opt for a sign outside the church and a kind note inside the Order of Service asking guests to refrain from using their phone/camera during the ceremony – once it’s over they can hashtag away! Thanks for the inspiration!

    1. Hi Chiara,

      Thank you so much for the lovely feedback. I’m delighted that the feature got you thinking about whether or not you want social media to play a part in your wedding and that you have some solutions as well!

      Kat x

  7. What a great article. I have never really given much thought regarding social media at weddings so this article got me thinking. I do have to agree with you that many of us do use social media extensively and tend to assume everyone is happy with it but this is not always that case. So in my opinion if in doubt ask before posting any photos of the wedding to social media – it’s just common courtesy.

    1. Hi Phoebe,

      Thanks so much for taking time to respond – you are right of course, it really *is* all about common courtesy, but so many of us now engage with social media as such a normal part of our daily lives, that for some that notion of it being courteous to ask if this practice can be extended to someones wedding, I guess, just wouldn’t occur to them. Sign ‘o the times!

      Love Annabel x

  8. I’ve loved the response to this feature! Thank you so very much everyone for taking the time to participate and leave a comment – we’re so grateful.
    Love Annabel xx

  9. We are having a lot of trouble with this issue at the moment. Photographers are very angry but few wish to say anything for fear of causing any trouble or offending anyone. We feel the same way but recently a number of unfortunte incidents have forced us to bring unwanted and unauthorized ‘photographers’ as an issue to the fore. Many couples now ask us to make a speech prior to the processional, requesting that guests respect the privacy and dignity of the ceremony. There are also offending vendors, who feel it impellent to snap away during the most important moments.. Recently a Florist decided to set up a tripod at the end of the aisle, thereby ruining the shot of a couple’s exchanging of rings… to say nothing of an unwanted invasion of privacy. The photographer was furious and so were the couple.. We actually had to interrupt the ceremony briefly to ask the Florist to leave.. Honestly.. things have spiralled out of all proportion and there seems to be little respect for couples or for those trying to concentrate on conducting the ceremony in the most professional and composed manner possible. The protagonist of any wedding should be the couple and no-one else.

  10. This is an excellent article and a really interesting and productive discussion.
    Unfortunately it is not only guests who sometimes don’t respect couple’s wishes but also wedding vendors… An increasing number feel impelled to intervene without prior permission during the ceremony itself with i-phones, i-pads and cameras… and even video the proceedings. Some post photos and videos to make it appear as if they have organized the event and use such images for their own marketing purposes.
    We are now asked by some couples to make a speech before the processional, requesting that everyone present respects their desire for privacy and to ensure that the professional photographers have free visibility, especially during crucial moments such as the processional, vows, exchange of rings and recessional.
    Recently we were forced to briefly interrupt a ceremony to politely ask a Florist to move out of the way. She was in shot while the couple were listening to a blessing of rings and were in the process of offering and receiving them…
    We recently pointed out this issue on our Facebook page and a number of photographers contacted us privately to explain they are concerned about compromising future opportunities, believing they risk becoming ostracised by wedding professionals if they voice their opinions.
    They are in a difficult position of course, as are Celebrants who genuinely care about their clients.
    Sadly manners, discretion and respect are becoming old fashioned values… and although some couples are quite happy with social media intervention there are many who do feel that guests should view and listen to the ceremony, paying full attention to the only protagonists who should be at a wedding.. namely the Bride and Groom:)

  11. This is a great article and I loved reading everyone’s comments too! I’m still undecided about the social/not social. I love that parts of our wedding day will be captured that we may miss or don’t see. But something I am struggling with is people posting pictures of us before we get chance to post a picture. We want it to be us that post the picture of us as Man and Wife, plus our photographers would want to provide that photograph for us. Is there an easy way of saying happy for pics to be posted, but not of us?! Any hints and tips would be appreciated 🙂

  12. Katrina, such a great article on a subject that I always try to discuss with my couples. Even if couples are pretty relaxed about the whole thing, it’s good for them to understand the impact cameras with beeps and flashes, as well as guests standing in the aisle blocking the bride and groom’s view of each other with an ipad can have!

    I’ve had a few couples make it clear from their invites that it will be an ‘unplugged’ wedding, a few ask the registrar to announce it (makes it easy), and others fully embrace social media letting guests know which hashtag to use. All great, but the ceremony alone should be viewed with the eyes and not through a viewfinder. That’s my job. 🙂

    1. Hi Juliet, thanks for adding your professional comments. I do think that it is something that couples have to think about nowadays. As a recent bride and a photo lover I wanted to see as many photos as possible, as quickly as possible (the following day I was desperate to see some) however if my guests had ‘spoilt’ some of my professional photos I would not have been happy. I do think that the ceremony should be kept special. I know my registrar made an announcement without me having to ask and I was pleased about that. 🙂

  13. Such a thoughtful post covering every aspect! Love the comment about not replacing thank you cards with a status update, I hadn’t even considered that it might be a ‘thing’. I can see this from both sides: as a photographer, I enjoy the reception parties with an invitation to hashtag, and I can contribute and catch up with guests and their pictures after the day’s finished – it’s brilliant to see the wedding from other people’s point of view! Equally, I’ve taken wide-view photos (where guests are really the supporting players) but many of them are raising an arm or bending to get the view they want with their phone. I think there will come a time when it looks really dated to see all of us taking mobile phone pictures in the background (maybe they’ll invent something that attaches to your eye to take a photograph when you wink, or something!!).
    We attended a wedding as guests in the autumn and I didn’t take a camera at all – it was such a joy to throw confetti with both hands and be fully immersed in the day and the people. I would just say – from a photographer’s point of view – that there are times when the guests are part of play, and there’s nothing better than being able to show a photograph of everyone fully engaged in taking part 🙂

    1. Thanks for adding your comments Julie. I think in an ideal world, it would be exactly how you described it – the ceremony, and possibly confetti and post ceremony time, everyone is in the moment of the celebration and then later everyone can join in the fun and snap away so that the bride and groom get to see their day from so many view points. I love taking photos and want to try and get a beautiful shot that the couple will love but while I’m doing that I’m not really in the moment of joining in their celebration am I? I will have a think about my actions before the next wedding!! 😉 x

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