As I write this, it’s 10 weeks until our wedding, which means I have 10 weeks to do All The Things. At this point, I’ve learnt a fair bit about weddings, so I thought I would share some of my observations, for those who are early on in the process. And hopefully those at a similar stage will recognise a few of the things I bring up and we can bond, like a big group therapy session.
Crazy? Me?
Weddings are not crazy things. It’s an industry full to the brim of talented people with the organisational skills of army majors and the creative eye of Picasso. Spend your money wisely and there is absolutely no reason why you need to get stressed.
However, there is one fact of life that comes in to play during weddings and it’s unavoidable I’m afraid: bitches be crazy. I’m sure you’re exempt from this (we all think we are…) but I’m going to put my hands up. I’ve had moments of sheer lunacy. I’m putting off ordering straws because I can’t decide what colour I want the stripes to be.
Practicing calligraphy with Quill London
I have changed my mind about my bouquet at least 329 times. I considered spending an obscene amount of money on biscuits – and I’m still not completely convinced I won’t. It doesn’t matter if you’re the coolest of all the cucumbers – it’ll get you.
Big opinions
Ask someone what they think about the financial situation in Greece, gun control in America or Saddam Hussein and they’ll mutter something indifferent or non-committal. Casually mention something you’re considering for your wedding and you’ll get a reasoned and calm response such as, ‘Carnations?! They make me SICK TO MY CORE.’
Everyone has an opinion about weddings. And you will hear them, whether you want to or not. My answer? Stop asking; start telling. You have to, otherwise you’ll end up with the wedding other people want.
Now don’t get me wrong, there are some things about weddings I hate. My hit list includes the following things: bands with a singer (nothing against them, but public singing makes me feel awkward and somehow I always end up stood directly in front of them), jewels in flowers, reception lines (cringe fest), first dances where the couple sing along to the song, videographers who ask you for a message for the happy couple at 1am when you’ve drunk all the wine (I still cringe at a message I left for someone where I blathered on about them not having an obese baby. Don’t ask), tiaras and that blimmin poster about drinking champagne and dancing on the table (I liked it when it first came out – but then I liked Rhianna’s Umbrella when that first came out too, and that also now occupies a special place in my personal hell).
But we’re all different – you might be planning to wear a tiara, sing along to Leona Lewis for your first dance and then shake a tail feather on a table so enthusiastically you accidentally throw your jewel studded bouquet in someone’s face. We’re all different. And you can’t make everyone happy. Have the wedding you want. That was nice of me, wasn’t it? Other people aren’t nice. Consider that a warning.
Diplomacy
I would like to find out how many brides submit an application to MI6 while they’re planning their wedding. Nothing allows you to fine-tune your negotiation and people-managing skills quite like it. For instance, it became a running joke that my mum and sister couldn’t ever tell if I really liked a wedding dress. I tried on some horrors, but I was always very grateful for the help the nice ladies were giving me, and I knew that someone had put a great deal of effort into designing it. Obviously, inside my head I was thinking: “BURN IT WITH FIRE” but I could never bring myself to say it. So I became the greatest actress the world has ever seen. Or at least in the top five.
Expect the unexpected
You can’t make everyone care about your wedding. Accept this early on to avoid getting hurt. There are some people I thought would be really excited, who have been pretty vacant. But then, on the other side of the coin, there have been some really unexpected lovely people, who are so excited for us and the wedding – this has really touched us.
Lovely things
You will never have, again in your whole entire life, such an amazing reason to treat yourself to lovely things. Suffer from buyer’s remorse? Let me help you – I have discovered the secret and it’s very simple. If you want something, but can’t really justify it, then simply put the word ‘wedding’ in front of it. I bought wedding scissors the other day. And I’d do it again. Just make sure you tell people when you’re buying a ‘wedding something’ – I told a nice lady in the Stella McCartney shop at Bicester Village that I was looking for a ‘wedding bag’ and she knocked another 10% off.
RSVPs are a pain in the ****
I will never, ever, ever wait to send an RSVP, ever again. Our deadline has raced past and we’re still waiting for a whopping 47 people to decide what they’re doing. Which seeing as we’ve only invited 70 to the day, seems a tad extreme. We know most of them are coming – but we need to know for sure because we’re having beef for our wedding meal, and I don’t want that cow to die in vain.
We’ve also asked them to do something I thought was quite simple – draw a funny picture of themselves for a special project I’m putting together. Judging from some peoples’ reactions, you would have thought we’d asked them to send us a urine sample.
Your happy place
With the latter in mind, you need to find your personal wedding happy place. By this I mean your secret list of all the little things you’re really excited about. It can be something big, like your dress, or something small, like the font you’ve used on your invites. Whatever it is, thinking about it at times when you’re teetering on the edge of going on a rampage will help a lot. Here’s my happy list to get you started:
Our flowers. Our florist, Hannah at Bloom Fleuriste, is amazing – she has impeccable taste and it helps that she’s so lovely. Visiting her to talk flowers and drink coffee in her lovely shed at the bottom of her garden was one of the nicest wedding-related things we’ve done. I’ve developed a weird obsession for floral arches at churches, so if I’ve had a particularly dark day, I look at images of them on Pinterest.
My veil. I went from ‘I’m a modern bride who doesn’t see the point of veils’ to ‘Is it ok to wear my veil the day after the wedding? On honeymoon? At work?’ I am going to turn into Miss Havisham. Although there’s no danger of there being any leftover wedding cake decades later – my schedule for the day after the wedding reads: Eat All The Cake.
Our nephews’ outfits. Yes, trying them on could have gone better. Yes, it would have been nice if one of them hadn’t ended up in the foetal position, clinging to his mother’s leg, refusing to move until we’d stopped looking. But from what I could see behind my fingers, as he ran back up the stairs, they’re going to look super cute.
Our illustration. I created the invitations myself and commissioned an illustration from a very talented chap called Alex G Griffiths. I really wanted an image that featured our dachshund Mortimer and my sister’s pug Millie, so I asked him to draw them as a bride and groom. Hear that? That was the sound of artists all over the world smashing their heads against a desk. But I knew that his style would make it look really cool and I love the finished result.
Our illustration
Calligraphy. I started teaching myself and then went on a Quill London modern calligraphy course. I’m addicted and it’s my new favourite way to relax: I will park myself at my desk, with Mort at my feet, Radio 4 on in the background and a cup of coffee, light my favourite candle and practice my lettering. I’d love to carry on doing this PW (post-wedding) so just drop me an email if you’re looking for someone to do your envelopes.
And finally, a small confession. Sometimes I play Pachelbel’s Canon in D, the music I will walk down the aisle to, in the car on my way to work. Sometimes I play it more than once. Sometimes I play it the whole way there.
Please feel free to share your wedding happy place – if only because it would be reassuring to know I haven’t gone completely mad!
Emily xxx
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Emily is due to marry Daniel on 12th September 2015 at Shustoke Farm Barns, Warwickshire. Their photographer will be Mister Phill (who took the photograph below). You can find Emily on Instagram and Pinterest and read her other posts for Love My Dress here. Drop her a line – she’d love to hear from you.
Oh Emily – this is a fantastic post! Loved reading every second of it and was nodding and grinning the whole way through! P.S I also did a modern calligraphy class at Quill and loved it – although looking at your pics I need to practice A LOT more as yours is fab!!
Jaclyn (fellow Lovette!)
x
Thanks Jaclyn! That’s so lovely to hear 🙂 I absolutely loved the modern calligraphy class – I was bought a voucher for the advanced course for my birthday, so I’m looking forward to doing that later in the year. Have you written your invitations yet? That was what really made everything click for me – I had a claw for a hand by the end, but my writing looked much better!x
This post is brilliant – and echoes with my own wedding purgatory, since we’re a few days later than you. Good luck, Emily! And if it makes you feel better, I have the whole wedding play list almost daily during my lunch hour…
Thanks Catherine! That makes me feel SO much better. Nice to know I’m not the only one!! Hope your plans are going well and purgatory doesn’t last too long 😉 x
I absolutely LOVED your post Emily! Totally brings back all the magical (and traumatic!) memories of the planning stages. I’m now coming up to my first anniversary this September and I still play, on a regular basis, my walking-down-the-aisle music (“Now We are Free” from the Gladiator movie, it makes me sob happy tears every time I hear it!). So I completely understand your confession 🙂 Keep up the great posts and best of luck with the rest of the exciting build-up bits xxx
Thanks so much Jo! I LOVE the music from Gladiator – I find it emotional and I’m not even walking down the aisle to it, so I can only imagine how it makes you feel! Have a wonderful anniversary in September – good excuse for a fancy weekend away surely?!xxx
Yep, anniversary weekend away already booked! It’s actually the same weekend you’re getting hitched, so I will be sure to think happy thoughts for you 🙂 We’re heading to the beach location where hubby popped the big question at sunrise. He wrote it in the sand whilst I had to keep my eyes shut. I had absolutely no idea, he was taking ages, I actually thought he might have “done a runner” (an affectionate Aussie slang term which directly translates as “left the scene in a hurry”!). Loving everyone’s comments Emily, such great stuff! xxx
I love this blog so much! This is entirely my wedding ethos when I work with brides. Weddings should be things of joy not stressful months of build up trying to please every friend and relative. Follow your heart and you can’t go far wrong. Incorporate the things you love and work with people who are passionate about what they do and you like and enjoy spending time with. You are spending huge amounts of money, enjoy the experience of planning as well as the day! See our wedding love Facebook.com/thegardenchef
Thanks so much for your lovely comment Rebecca, I’m glad you enjoyed reading it! I’ve loved every minute of planning our wedding (except the RSVPs – there is a special place in hell reserved for those) and we’re working with the most amazing people. I have enjoyed planning so much, I’m hoping 12 September doesn’t roll around too quickly….!x
This is such a great post Emily. I definitely feel your pain with the RSVP’s and will never be late to reply to an invite again! I had exactly the same experience with the veil, I thought they were way too old fashioned but as soon as I found my dress, that completely changed. I get married on 29th August and I can’t wait to see your photos!
Thanks Deborah! All about veils – I’d wear one every day if I could get away with it. Have an amazing day on 29 August – it’s my hen do on that day, so I will have a glass of fizz for you 🙂 x
I love your posts, Emily! Our wedding is approaching in October so am entering that phase of planning where suddenly there’s not much time left at all and things actually have to be paid for. This latest post had me nodding and smiling in agreement with everything (although interestingly, a friend told me they’d really regretted not having a line up as at least that was a guaranteed way to speak to everybody – I’m with you though, they make me think of Four Weddings and a Funeral – “you must be very proud!”), in particular that everyone has an opinion. They really do, don’t they? And every single thing my Stepmum insists I must or mustn’t do makes me childishly determined to do the opposite! I wish you all the very best for a wonderful day – it sounds like it’s going to be spectacular for all the right reasons. xx
Thanks Natalie! That’s interesting about the line-up – I actually think they’re really practical, but I just can’t do it, my ick factor would go into overdrive. Also, our venue won’t actually let you have one – I think this is for practical reasons, but I found it quite funny anyway! That’s so funny about your stepmum – I’m the same, every time someone says something we’re doing is ‘different’ I resolve to throw a bit more glitter or something at it, to make it stand out even more. Childish I know 😉 xx
P.S. We are obsessed with Dachshunds and they are featuring quite heavily in our wedding! We can’t have our own at the mo as we both work away too much but we have a sort of surrogate, a long-haired called Eric who *might* be the ring bearer – too much?! xx
Um let me think about that….NO! A Dachshund as a ring-bearer is the cutest thing ever – I’d be doing it myself if I didn’t think Mort would eat them xx
Loving seeing the reaction to this witty and brilliantly written post Emily – I adore your Lovettes updates 🙂 xxx
Thanks Annabel! So nice to wake up to so many lovely comments xxx
I loved this post! I am now 5 weeks off our wedding and definitely wish I had been better at working out what hubby to be and I wanted and just going for it from the outset without worrying too much about others’ views. There are so many good and varied choices out there for everything (which is a great thing!) that, to be honest, it really is all I found I could do otherwise I got utterly blinded by it and dragged into a big swamp of decision-making angst! I think wedding planning is a kind of therapy in itself – it has been a bit of a process, but it has definitely given me more confidence in our abilities to plan together, more freedom from my own everyday indecisiveness and more insight into my own particular areas of crazy(!) – something to take into married life, eh?! And my happy place? That’s the naked wedding cake being made by my sister – thinking about all those layers of loveliness has a real calming effect on me! x ps – I think it also gets to grooms too, I came home yesterday to find that my hubby to be was listening to Pachelbel 🙂
I couldn’t agree with you more Jenni – wedding planning is definitely therapy. Just keep thinking about that naked cake 😉 and LOVE that you found your husband listening to Pachelbel, so sweet! The most interested Dan has got in the music is when he realised our string quartet can play the theme tune from Star Wars – not quite as romantic….!x
Glad you agree, Emily! It is a funny kind of therapy – in my case, one where you definitely get quite a bit madder before eventually finding a place of relative calm and sanity, with not that long to go :)! For me, I think it really didn’t help that I tried so hard at the outset to project “relaxed bride” and “anti-bridezilla” (that stereotype has a lot to answer for!) and not burden family and friends with our “not-that-big-a-deal” wedding- for a while I felt so guilty for succumbing to a bit of crazy that I have subsequently realised is actually pretty normal! Completely understand your pain on the RSVP hassle – we used our stag and hen dos this weekend to do quite a bit of subtle chasing up, though there is probably room for doubt as to whether people (particularly the menfolk!) have any recollection of us having done so. I’ll admit that I fell in love with hubby all over again last night when I found him cooking our dinner to the organ music – bless him, he’s really got into the planning of the church service! Star wars on strings sounds like it could be pretty ace though 😉 x
I know exactly what you mean – I was so conscious of people thinking I was a ‘bridezilla’ that I’ve tried not to talk about it too much, or burden people with questions/requests. However, some people really want to be involved and like talking about it, so I’m trying to delegate more (very hard!). The RSVP thing is so frustrating – I completely get that people are really busy. But, I don’t know about you – juggling a fulltime job and planning a wedding can be busy too, so I don’t have much sympathy for that excuse at the moment!x
Too right – now I have got over the guilts and have given out some tasks and have stopped being the “relaxed uberbride”, it really feels like it is making swift progress 🙂 – my sister in particular has been a total star. Absolutely agreed on people finding the time to reply to invites (particularly when it only requires an email)- I will RSVP on the very first day to any wedding invite from here on in now I know what it is like on the other side! x
Thanks Emily, feel less like a crazy woman now. Think I will be remembered for being the bride with 3 dresses. Long story, but listening to others views and trying to not blow my budget has resulted in 2 spare dresses up for sale! Thankfully I feel quite giddy when I think of wearing number 3 and I know for sure my hubby to be will love it. We will both continue to try and stay strong, when for the thousandth time someone says, ” Why aren`t you having …?” . This includes formal speeches, invitations, 3 tier wedding cake, best man etc. To mix things up and cause a stir, we like to be different, I`m having a best man – my son and hubby is having a best woman. We are not known for conforming! Good luck everyone x
Don’t worry Joanne, I don’t think you’re in danger of being put in a padded cell just yet 😉 I completely see how the three-dress thing happens – there is so much choice and it feels like such a massive decision, especially when everyone around you has different opinions. They say three is the magic number though, so sure you’ll look amazing!x
‘And finally, a small confession. Sometimes I play Pachelbel’s Canon in D, the music I will walk down the aisle to, in the car on my way to work. Sometimes I play it more than once. Sometimes I play it the whole way there.’
– Have done this for years!! This has been my music since the first time I saw Father of the Bride!
Love reading these, they’re really helping me through my wedding planning!!!
Father of the Bride makes me cry every single time. It’s the bit when they play basketball the night before, and he keeps seeing her as a little girl. SOB x
:’-( and when he doesn’t get to say goodbye to her before they leave for their honeymoon!! ohhh snivelling mess…! xx
I’m a bit far out from my wedding which is (tapping fingers) 8 months away. I haven’t tallied the sum of the weeks and I haven’t a clue what the numerical value is in dog years, but this article definitely struck a chord! I especially loved the “stop asking and start telling” bit. This segment of finding my own voice, as it were, has reaffirmed my courage. Also, calligraphy eh? Brilliant! Now to find a skilled teacher in Houston, Texas…or perhaps YouTube?
How exciting Shalamar! If there is one piece of advice I can give, it would be to go with your gut. It’s never wrong! Enjoy the planning – it’s the best thing ever. I’m actually a bit jealous that you’ve still got 8 months – I must be the first bride in history to hope their wedding doesn’t arrive too quickly!x
Well Emily, that had me loll’ing to myself so hard, I had a greek salad dressing mild mishap all over my desk! 😀 good work, and sooo scarily accurate! *Especially* the poker dress-face- where does this skill come from??
We have just started considering music for the day which seems to have notched up the reality of it all, as a result I seem to be experiencing a ‘ blub happy tears over every other ridiculous thing’ stage of the planning, if that’s even an actual stage!. Read vow options (cried)…. order of the day structure (cried).. browsing flower girl dresses (oh yep, here it comes). For the sake of my make up and puffy face on the day, I really hope this is a phase that’ll pass and fast!!
xxx
Ha glad it made you laugh, but sorry about the salad dressing incident! I definitely think there are a few moments in the process where things start to feel ‘real’ – I’ve definitely got a bit more weepy since we hit the two-month countdown. Time to invest in some hard-core waterproof makeup I think!xxx
This is SUCH a brilliant post! Everyone in the office is looking at me funny because I’ve been guffawing loudly at intervals throughout. You write so well, and I think it’s so important to bring humour into the whole wedding planning (and actual marrying) process as otherwise you risk losing your shiz when a) you have to have your invitations re-printed three times because they don’t match the save the dates and it’s meant to be a ‘suite’ dammit!, b) you wonder why your string quartet are playing Britney Spears’ Toxic because you sure as hell didn’t have that on your song list, and/or c) one of your bridesmaids, who showed up an hour before your ceremony, even though you put her up in a cottage literally five minutes’ walk away, tells you afterwards she’s upset with you because she feels you didn’t spend enough time with her. On your wedding day. Bitches be crazy – you couldn’t have put it more succinctly. I am SO looking forward to reading your next post, and to seeing all the beautiful pictures of your big day, Hurrah! LLxx
Hahahaha! This whole post and thread have had me laughing endlessly!!! 🙂
I’m actually annoyed for you with c). WHAT? That’s pretty incredible. I feel I have learnt a lot about people during the wedding preparations – and not always in a positive way! The part I wrote about not letting people hurt your feelings is really important – I have had my feelings hurt a few times and it’s not on – if other people aren’t going to think through their actions, then you just have to let them get on with it.
Did they really play Toxic?!? I can’t decide if I think that’s awful or amazing!xx
Emily that’s only part of the story! But you’re right, about not letting people hurt your feelings, it’s definitely a good way to try to navigate things. I think with big things like weddings you’re moving into a new phase in life, and not everyone can come with you. That can be hard, but it’s a good lesson well learned in the end. Yes, they did play Toxic. I also couldn’t decide if it was awful or amazing, so I went with amusing . Thank you for being awesome and keep those posts coming! xxLL
Hi Emily,
We are not getting married until next September but really would be interested in you doing some calligraphy for us. Do you have an email address we can contact you on?
Thanks
Hi Lydia,
Of course, that sounds exciting! My email is [email protected] – look forward to hearing from you 🙂 x
Emily – you are hilarious! This post made me laugh so much and I really do feel your pain on so many of these things! We’re approaching our 12 week countdown and our RSVP deadline just passed with no response from about 40 people, frustrating isn’t even the word! I may give them vegan, nut free, wheat free meals just to cover all bases as I am sick of being the moody bride chasing for replies!
Totally with you justifying purchases by adding ‘wedding’ in front of them. The same can also be done with ‘honeymoon’ and ‘hen do’ 🙂
Can’t wait for your next post! X
Thanks Charlotte! Big fan of giving everyone ‘fun free’ meals – I think that may be my revenge of choice too 😉 I like your thinking on spending too – my bank manager won’t, but what do they know?! X
Emily I have to second what so many others have said… that post was fantastic! After having a few days off from my usual daily routine of scanning through the wedding blogs, your post has reminded me why I love reading real bride stories so much. This is definitely my happy place.
I get married to my Ash in 5 weeks (eek!!) and so much of what you said really rings true, I was smiling and chuckling away all the way through, which I must say is a very welcome distraction from the stressful couple of weeks we’ve had. You have your issues with the straws I had mine with glitter – I think my friend from work was seriously questioning my sanity as I stood hopelessly in Hobbycraft, staring at the wide range of glitter, she asked why I hadn’t gotten any off of the shelf, to which I snarled ‘because they haven’t got the right shade of gold!’ It was at this point that I realised that this bitch certainly be crazy!
Ha your comment about the ‘wrong shade of gold’ made me giggle – I’ve definitely done similar things! 5 weeks – so exciting!!! Have an amazing time 🙂 and thank you for your lovely comment. I can’t say how amazing it is for people to say such lovely things about my writing – that’s my new happy place 🙂 x
Ahh this post had me giggling like a good’un – thank you so much for writing down what is exactly what’s going through my mind at the moment. It’s so lovely to know I’m not the only one!! Our wedding is in October, so I feel as if we are in a similar place for wedding planning. The RSVP comment struck me particularly – I, too, will never delay a wedding RSVP ever again!!! Anyway – thank you again! It’s good to be able to laugh through these moments!
You’re so very welcome Imogen – it’s nice to speak to people who are thinking the same things! Hope you’re enjoying everything 🙂 x
Ahhh! It is times like these when I am both bloody delighted to be getting married to another girl and driven entirelad by it!
There is the bonus of no one really knowing what to expect from a ‘gay wedding’ which avoids most of the interference.
However, there is also the two girls to obsess over the most ridiculous things factor.
Swings and roundabouts I suppose! Really enjoyed your post, good luck with it all!!
Vicky x
Thanks Vicky! So lucky, imagine you don’t have to deal with questions such as: “Can the flowers be in claret and blue, so they’re the Aston Villa colours?” No. No they can’t.
Hope you’re enjoying the planning!!x
Emily I love that you listen to Canon in D in secret. I absolutely do that as well!!! I love Canon in D but not going to have it on the day because my brother is going to sing my down the aisle to a folk song I used to sing growing up, but sometimes I listen to the folk song on repeat all the way to work. Hell, sometimes if I’m having a bad day I even listen to it on repeat in the office. I’m just sitting in an airport on my way home from a work trip I didn’t really want to go on, and I might just put it on and retreat to my happy place just now. 24 days to go! S x
Sophie – I listen to it A LOT in secret. A LOT. I LOVE that your brother is going to sing as you walk down the aisle! That is so sweet 🙂
I’m at work, and there’s a small chance I may listen to Canon in D a bit today. Only to help me concentrate though, obviously 😉 Enjoy the rest of the run-up to your wedding and have the most amazing day!x
I love this so much!! Emily, you are my spirit animal. Rock on, girl.