From The Heart: When life forces you to put the wedding plans on hold

In many ways I never expected to be engaged and thinking about getting married in my 29^Th year on this planet. But I was as happy as a clam with Alex. We’d already had an amazing three years together after meeting through the online dating site e-Harmony. My friends had even started teasing me about when he might propose.

Sadly things had been difficult between Alex’s parents for sometime and they had decided on a divorce earlier in the year. We were aware that it was not going to be straight forward by any means.

Later in the year we headed off on holiday to Malaysia excited to embark on a jungle trek. Lo and behold Alex (who never ceases to surprise me, even though I like to think I’m on the ball) managed to get a ring to the jungle without me having the faintest idea (definitely not a budding detective!). It was beside a beautiful waterfall after a day of trekking he proposed, I was in a whirlwind and of course I said yes and we were on our own wee cloud nine,  thinking of how we would tell everyone when we returned to nearer civilisation. And a phone signal. We had a fantastic and truly memorable holiday.

When we did return however,  sadly all was not well.

Alex’s mum, it would become quickly apparent, was having a nervous breakdown and to make matters more complicated – she was guardian for his two nieces.  Skype calls between he and his siblings, calls to the GP, frantic conversations with the mental health team and social workers lead to an unexpectedly turbulent time and swift conclusion that there wasn’t any other option than a hospital admission, which would provide Alex’s Mum the space, time and support she desperately required to begin her recovery.

For us, there was no choice but to hit the ground running. Alex had responsibilities in juggling work,  sharing the care of his nieces with his family, keeping up with his mum’s progress at the hospital and doing this all with a 5 hour round trip and ferry ride from home.

It was tough.

As she started to improve, it was time to think about what would be next for everyone. It made sense for his mum to live with us whilst she continued her recovery. We were exploring new territory and navigating issues that perhaps naively, I had thought we would end up dealing with in later life; caring for elderly parents for example. It has been wonderful to see her recovery but nothing is a smooth road and I think it’s fair to say that now things are settling, new longer term issues are coming to the surface.  In some ways, these can be almost as challenging as the initial times of crisis.

Looking back, it’s been a crazy few months that have left little or no time to plan a wedding like I might have hoped.  There have been so many tears, and quality time between Alex and myself has been sparse. Throughout all this however, the discussions have been frank and honest and I’ve certainly learnt a lot about the way I deal with things and express myself.

I think looking to the future, these are all things which are so important to keep our relationship strong and well fuelled for the journey both before and after we get married.  My friends and family have a been a mountain of support during this time and have both wittingly and unwittingly wonderful in every sense, gently reminding us of the positives which can often be hard to see in the midst of a family crisis.

Somewhere in amongst it all I came across this quote…

Life does not put things in front of you that you are unable to handle

This is a sentiment that we’ve both held close to our hearts during the times when things have seemed like they were truly falling apart.

Though it will be a little way off yet, planning our wedding will be a welcome relief and a wonderful chance for us to celebrate the love we have for each other, our family and friends – on so many more levels that I might once have ever imagined.

I’d love to hear from other readers who might have had to put their wedding plans on hold. How are you feeling about things? How have your thoughts and views of weddings, and indeed your own wedding changed since you had to postpone plans? Have priorities changed for you now?

Love Isobel x

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Our lovely blog reader Isobel has contributed to our ‘From The Heart’ feature – a new weekly Sunday spot on the blog where we hand the blog back over to our readers to write about all matters of love and life. If you would like to contribute a From The Heart piece, we would dearly love to hear from you. It doesn’t matter what it’s about and it doesn’t have to be related to weddings at all – we’re looking for honest, authentic, personal, sad, happy, family, relationship, marriage, health, light-hearted, serious, baby, trying for baby, children, career, simple, complicated – real life issues.  We just need you to write from your heart. Keep it upbeat and witty, or share your thoughts anonymously on a more challenging or emotional subject. Please drop me a line at [email protected]. Love Annabel x