Yesterday I agreed with myself that I’d have a night off from wedding planning. Not a client wedding this time, I’m talking about my very own big day. Yikes.

I sat down in front of the TV with my fiancé last night, laptop balanced on my knee pretending to peruse shots of K.Mid’s new blowdry; and then somehow, like a teenager on a first date in the cinema, my fingers crept where they shouldn’t…

One thing just led to another, clicking away – tab after tab – Esty, Pinterest, bridal blogs and the next thing I knew I was knee deep in ordering veil samples and tangled around the tape measure, trying to work out what-on-earth cathedral length translated to. I’m genuinely wondering if there could be such a thing as planning addiction.

I just can’t STOP.

From The Heart: Am I going bridal mad? (Let's Talk Wedding Talk )

I don’t see the wood from the trees anymore. I’m scouring Instagram in secret – yes, in secret! My brain is at full capacity and I am totally unable to make a single decision. Am I going bridal mad?

The thing is, I feel that I have imposed even more pressure on myself to create something wonderful because of the work that I do.  And with that, no one seems to be helping or showing any sign of interest because they assume that I’m employing myself to produce a showstopper of a day. But the reality is, that whilst I’m crossing all the t’s, I’ve totally forgotten about dotting the i’s and I’m lonely…god damn lonely.

Planning a wedding is an extraordinary feat of tenacity, creativity and patience.  It comes with a whole host of pressures: social, financial, personal, emotional and it’s so easy to lose the joy of all the anticipation and a sense of reality. Even with some amazing industry friendships I feel so privileged to have, I’m still struggling to get my head around the whole shebang.

I called my business partner to ask her how a ceremony layout looks and she went completely silent. In those three, long, still seconds I could hear her mind wondering where on earth I had left mine; and counting the numerous times we’ve laid out aisle chairs and a signing table without a second thought.

So, I’m calling out to all the brides-to-be out there that might be feeling the same as me right now

You are not alone and you are not going mad.

Take stock, have (another) glass of cold Prosecco and just go planning cold-turkey for a few days.

I promise you that John Lewis is not going to run out of blush pink candles and the practice table settings can wait… for just one more day at least.

In one of my secret recent wedding planning binges, I read this brilliant post by Katrina Otter on Love My Dress, Je ne regrette rienand it sparked such a positive light bulb for me. There is no way that I want to look back at planning my wedding as the second most stressful thing I’ve done since buying a house. It seems so unbelievably trite and such a truism but come the September 2nd – the day I marry my best-friend – I know in my heart that everyone will be focused on the happy day where we marry each other. And it really, really pains me to say it but no one will care if our menus is folded or flat, if I chose raspberry or rhubarb sorbet or what shade of nail polish I’m wearing.  Fingers crossed they won’t, anyway.

Claudia x

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Claudia Bailey is one half of wedding and event planners Beattie Bailey Weddings. You can connect with Claudia through Instagram at @beattiebailey. Claudia has shared this feature as part of our ‘From The Heart’  collection – a series where we hand the blog back over to our readers on a Sunday to write about all matters of love and life. If you would like to contribute a From The Heart piece of your own, we would dearly love to hear from you. It doesn’t matter what it’s about and it doesn’t have to be related to weddings at all – we’re looking for honest, authentic, personal, sad, happy, family, relationship, marriage, health, light-hearted, serious, baby, trying for baby, children, career, simple, complicated – real life issues.  We just need you to write from your heart. Keep it upbeat and witty, or share your thoughts anonymously on a more challenging or emotional subject. Please drop me a line at hello@lovemydress.net. I look forward to hearing from you, Annabel x

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