When Love Is The Way: why the Royal Wedding was about much more than Meghan’s dress

As I sit down to write this post, Instagram is awash with copies of the 3 official wedding photographs that have been released by Kensington Palace – you’d have to have a pretty stoney heart not to sense even the merest whiff of ‘feel-good’ seeing the love and happiness present in those smiles.

I adored the Royal Wedding and wanted to celebrate it somehow here on Love My Dress through my own words and shared observations. There are features aplenty starting to appear in the digital world; 5 Top Tips to take from the Royal Wedding! Steal Meghan’s Style! Prepare for Minimalist Bridal Style! But for me, this wedding was about so much more than the dress.

Of course, the dress was  100% perfect in every way. If I could actually draw, then the dress I described to my youngest daughter just a half hour before Meghan arrived at the ceremony, it genuinely would have looked just like Clare Waight Keller’s Givenchy gown. I described the bateau neck (I thought Royal Protocol might allow the revelation of the elegant area of skin around the upper shoulders and lower neck at least, having seen this lovely outfit be given an outing at an official event), I also described the 3/4 length sleeves, fit, slight flare, train and long long veil. I loved Meghan’s dress, it was just the most splendid of designs for her; perfectly fitting for the occasion and perfectly fit.

Main image and image below by Alexi Lubomirski

I hear those other observers and their criticisms; ‘It was too plain!’, ‘It needed more to it!’, ‘Her bouquet was too small!’. I shake my head and disagree, because, in my view, everything was consummately balanced; the fabric used to create the gown was a double silk caddy which provided the perfect weight/fall/beautiful clean lines and flattering silhouette for Meghan’s petite figure. It struck a most elegant and confident statement that paid homage to her own personal, modern sense of style whilst adhering respectfully to the need to cover flesh/shoulders/arms. It was just the most excellent of creations that helped Meghan glide down the aisle with poise and grace.

The exquisite veil was embroidered around the hem with detail that was meaningful to the occasion and personal to the couple too – this included a flower to represent all 53 countries of the Commonwealth. The front of the veil featured embroidered Wintersweet flower, which apparently grows in the grounds of Kensington Palace in front of Nottingham Cottage (where Meghan and Harry live), and the Calfornia poppy – the state flower of California, where Meghan was born.

According to a statement released from The Palace, it was Meghan herself who requested the floral detail and workers from Givenchy spent hundreds of hours sewing the designs, washing their hands every thirty minutes to keep the tulle and threads pristine – each flower had to be unique and detailed. This is couture craftsmanship in action at it’s highest level.

But I didn’t want the focus of this piece to be on Meghan’s dress, or beyond cute outfits sported by the younger members of the bridal party (Prince George, you’re going to be a heart breaker, young man), or the utterly sublime floral installations by our very own soon-to-be Little Book member, Philippa Craddock.

I’d rather, instead, take a moment to celebrate the incredibly significant and history making moments that were notched up this weekend, when a biracial woman married into an all-white family and her black, African American mother, Ms Doria Ragland, stood proudly nearby watching her daughter enjoy the modern, multicultural wedding that so perfectly represented the union she was making with her Royal Prince.

It says a lot, that of the images and video we shared over the weekend on our Instagram feed, the one pictured below has been liked and viewed the most – viewed 2.2 million times as I type already, in fact. That’s pretty damn incredible.

https://www.instagram.com/p/Bi-d_ZpBryI/?taken-by=lovemydress

It made me realise how much that short snippet, mere seconds long, had left such a huge impact on so many others too. I couldn’t stop looking at it all of yesterday – or listening to it. Doria’s facial expression says so much, but her eyes speak volumes about the emotion she’s feeling. They’re close to over flowing with tears but she poises herself subtly enough to contain the salty flow as she glances up briefly to the heavens and takes in the spectacular trumpet fanfare playing out to announce her daughters newlywed status. She is a member of the Monarchy now. A Duchess. Her Royal Highness.

I watched Bishop Michael Curry deliver his impassioned sermon about love and felt the hairs on my arms stand on end. If you think he went over the top, be mindful that American sermons can be very different and much more expressive than British ones. Curry is American, Meghan is American – now consider these words from Liene Stevens, founder and president of Think Splendid (a sought after public speaker, author, and behavioural psychology expert who works with top international brands and wedding industry leaders); “Bishop Michael Curry was the first black leader of the Episcopal Church. He was personally chosen by Meghan herself and she knew exactly the type of sermon he would deliver. She made a wise choice in choosing someone who would represent real American values on the world stage.”

https://www.instagram.com/p/Bi9gt-kBvCX/?taken-by=annabelbeeforth

Five years ago, I collaborated with Diversity Consultant Nova Reid, who at the time had not long set up her ‘Nu Bride‘ wedding blog – a space dedicated to inspiring women of colour in planning their wedding. My partnership with Nova resulted in this significant piece for Love My Dress on the representation of black brides in the wedding industry. It was a defining moment for me personally and for my beloved blog too. It was a moment that would alter the purpose and trajectory of Love My Dress from a brand whose main purpose it was to share heartfelt love stories and inspiring fashion, to one that would also become 100% committed to making positive change in our industry.  Change, by way of racial equality, inclusivity of brides of all colours, representation of women of all kinds.  It’s something I’ve felt deeply passionate about ever since and I’m proud to consider Love My Dress both a diverse and feminist site.

When women of colour tell me that they daren’t submit their wedding to Love My Dress because they don’t feel they’ll fit in, when women of colour tell me that they are worried their wedding won’t be enjoyed as much because they have darker skin, when women of colour tell me that they can’t see enough women who share their skin colour on Love My Dress, that they have to keep scrolling on our Instagram feed to find a black face, when women of colour tell me that they want to see more  multicultural weddings and diversity and representation of darker skin tones, so that they don’t feel excluded on my blog, I sit up and listen.

Having public and honest conversations about diversity in the wedding media, with our own online community, has made me realise that where I thought I was doing enough to remedy the issues, I could have been and indeed should be doing so much more. This isn’t a matter that’s going to resolve itself after a few months of effort (or five years for that matter) asking people to submit more brides of colour whose weddings we can feature – because for a start, why would they, if they can’t already see themselves adequately represented in the first place? It’s a complex and sensitive matter. Despite it being 2018, there is still an enormously long way for us to go before we will start making any kind of adequate impact on this imbalance of equality and representation and making women of colour feel better represented in our highly visually driven world.

But on Saturday Meghan and Harry gave all our efforts to bring about change, the most wonderful, joyous and love-filled boost. Their multi-cultural wedding ceremony was a beautiful and personal reflection of their mixed heritage union; a gospel choir singing a civil rights anthem, a young black cellist performing during the signing of the registrar, a black Bishop quoting Martin Luther King (an activist and outspoken civil rights leader), and an African American mother of the bride, who cut an elegant and most gracious figure standing alongside an all-white Royal family, on her own, with dignity beyond compare.

To see a woman of colour in the Royal Family – that acceptance does mean a step forward.

– BBC News Interviwee –

In writing about ‘race and royalty for this feature over on our sister site, Lorelle Skelton says, “I for one have never felt more connected to the Royals, never more able to relate to them, finally seeing a woman who shares my hue welcomed into Kensington Palace.”

Let us not forget (and thanking you dear Nova for highlighting this) that for many years, the British Monarchy were forbidden to enter into relationships with people of colour. Stop and think about that for a moment and realise the gargantuan significance of what happened on Saturday. But love knows no boundaries, be they colour or otherwise. As Bishop Curry said during his infamous sermon; “Dr King was right: we must discover love – the redemptive power of love. And when we do that, we will make of this old world, a new world….. When love is the way, there’s plenty good room – plenty good room – for all of God’s children….  Because when love is the way, we actually treat each other, well… like we are actually family.”

But there was another most significant element to this Royal Wedding that amplified the purpose and meaning of Bishop Curry’s words even more so. These words shared on Instagram by a friend and colleague explains far better and more eloquently than I could why ‘love’ is really all that matters;

Will her Father walk her down the aisle?
Mutterings of mum stepping in, rumours of heart surgery, discussions of divorce and hints of outdated patriarchal practises abound.
My lovely Miss Bush brides this weekend will recognise, empathise and know these situations and their emotions all too well. The idea that the only normal way to get married is a doting dad, who is still married to an adoring mum, escorting a never-before-married daughter down the aisle is a fantasy of epic proportions.
Beyond the fairy-tale, this coverage fails to acknowledge loss and bereavement. It is insensitive, it is outdated and it is irrelevant beyond the very obvious public spectacle of modernisation of the image of married that the ‘other’ wedding portrays.
If I walk my daughter down the aisle it will be because her beloved dad is no longer here to do so. My son walked me down the aisle at my second wedding because my father was too frail and it was lovely to give my eldest son an honorary role. I was no more given away at my first wedding than my second. Like some of my brides, who would love nothing than their dear dads to be with them, I would have loved for Ed to still be here when Georgia decides to get married. I will see my role as a combination of two parents not a radical substitution or an oddity of feminism. It’s just family life in all its beautiful, messy, complicated, loving, happy and sometimes very sad shades.

– Emma Meek, Miss Bush Bridal –

So whilst the dresses and the flowers and the children and the carriage and horses and crowds and that classy E-type Jag were all undeniably fabulous, head turning elements to this spectacular day, the most breathtaking, wonderful and tear-inducing aspect of the entire event for me was because heritage and culture collided and helped make a big step towards helping those marginalised all over the world for their skin colour, feel a little more visible, a little more accepted. It made blended and mixed heritage families, those with absent parents, fractured family relations, and from broken homes feel a little more understood, a little more ‘normal’.  It was an extraordinary day that symbolised a big step forward towards modernising The Royal Family and the Monarchy becoming a family that truly and most honestly reflects the country and cultures it serves in 2018. And I realise it might sound poetic, but the world felt a little more bright and colourful after Saturday because of this.

You will find more diverse weddings here on Love My Dress, and I encourage you to explore our Instagram feed if you haven’t in a while – we’re working hard to make all women feel more better represented. There are still far too many Instagram feeds, some representing big and influential international brands, with a very sad lack of diversity in their feeds. I encourage everyone to pause and reflect after the beautiful and inspiring Royal Wedding of 19th May 2018, and start considering areas where you can be more inclusive, representative and diverse. Instagram is absolutely one of them.

You’ll also find a whole series of features in our ‘From the Heart‘ and ‘Let’s Talk‘ sections, mostly written from the experiential viewpoint of readers, that explore the complex emotional elements most usually overlooked when planning a wedding;

• Celebrating the joy of marriage after divorce with a beautiful blended family
• Getting through a wedding in the absence of a much-loved parent
• Dealing with divorce at your wedding
• With or without you: marrying and bereavement
• Share the honest love
• How to involve lost loved ones on your wedding day
• Marrying without your mum and dealing with a difficult step mother
• Dealing with a difficult mum when planning a wedding
• Managing a difficult mother in law when planning a wedding
• The highs and lows every bride will know
• What if your wedding isn’t really your own?
• The importance of love
• How to survive the pre-wedding blues
• Why does no one warn you about post-wedding blues?
• A wedding is just one day – or is it?
• Weddings bring out the best and worst in people
• Marriage, from a former foster-care child’s perspective
• Thoughts on maintaining feminist values whilst planning a wedding

When love is the way.

Those words will guide you just fine. Through wedding planning, and through life.

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All images via the BBC, Sky News, The Telegraph, Getty Images