How To Avoid A Pre-Wedding Meltdown – All The Advice You Need (Part One)

Hello lovely readers and today, I’m so excited to be kicking of a new series of features giving you great advice on those tricky wedding topics. Now I don’t know if Annabel’s asked me to write these as I’m in the throes of planning my own big day but what I do know is that I am going to be soaking up all the advice in today’s feature for sure.

We’ve asked some of the brilliant suppliers in the Love My Dress Wedding Directory to help us out here and let me tell you now that their advice is invaluable. So, if you want to avoid that pre-wedding meltdown, read on…

It does seem that however well you plan and however on it you are with all your wedding preparations that there’s an almost inescapable build-up of pressure in the last few weeks before the big day. I guess this is only to be expected given that so many things all need to come together at the same time and, when you start to add in nerves, emotions and all those things you can’t control (err, hello guests dropping out at the last minute!), it can all get a bit too much.

But worry no more, we’re here to help and, as so much on your wedding day hinges around your venue, let’s start by getting their take on how to make those pre-wedding weeks smoother and more enjoyable. As you might expect, getting organised well in advance is big help:

“Allow plenty of time,” says Charlotte at Upton Barn and Walled Garden. “Write lists, keep a to-do list and prioritise each item according to lead time. Also, keep a diary or calendar and make a note of all the important dates here so you don’t miss deadlines. Your suppliers will let you know when they need your order, menu choices and final numbers etc. according to your wedding date and if you can keep track of these, you’ll save yourself a lot of worry.”

Photography by Emily & Steve from this wedding

It also seems that wedding DIY can be the cause of a lot of pre-wedding stress so before you decide to make everything for your big day, just consider what that means for you and everyone else, as Kate from Pynes House explains:

“It is wonderful to get friends and family to help and often this makes for a very personal wedding when many have contributed to bringing it all together but be realistic about how much to take on yourself and/or put upon friends and family, particularly if it’s a time-intensive task which can only be done just before the wedding. For example, do you want your Mum to be busy the whole of the day before the wedding putting together flowers? Or spending the morning of the wedding constructing the cake?”

“Don’t leave too much to do on the morning of your wedding. The morning of the wedding is often a precious opportunity to spend time with your very closest friends and family and many brides afterwards say how much they enjoyed that part of the wedding day. If your venue allows, try to have as much as possible set up and ready the afternoon before the wedding so that you can relax and concentrate on getting yourself ready.” 

All our venues experts agree on one thing – the need to delegate before the wedding and, if you can do this, you’ll find the burden that rests on your shoulders lifts considerably:

“Accept all the help,” says the team at Elmore Court. “Now is not the time to try and do everything yourself, whatever form offers of help comes in; from friends, family, wedding planners or coordinators, give as much of the responsibility away as possible (especially to the experts- that’s what we’re here for! Use us.)”

 “Wedding preparations are notoriously stressful; try and share the burden between the couple and also seek the assistance of family and friends,” says Emma at Il Faro, wedding venue in Italy. “I have seen couples share the workload and these are the most relaxed couples. This approach relieves a lot of stress and helps tick items off the things to do list; plus don’t underestimate how much family and friends want to participate and help! It’s a lovely way to include people in the build-up to your wedding.”

 It’s also a good idea to expect a slightly tough time in those final few weeks because something always seems to crop up. If you’ve accepted the fact that your plans are going to be tested, when they are, you won’t feel quite so rattled. Here are some more words of wisdom from our venue experts and we start with Elmore Court:

“Go with the flow! This is the most important thing to remember in the run up to your wedding; there will always be things that are out of your control so there’s no point in stressing yourself out about them, or over-planning/ micromanaging to the point you cause yourself heartache. Often some of the most unexpected things (even if you were hoping they wouldn’t happen) can turn out to be the most magical, and these surprise moments end up being your most treasured memories.”

Expect the unexpected and don’t panic,” says Charlotte at Upton Barn and Walled Garden. “Things happen and venues and suppliers are used to adapting. However, providing as much notice as possible always helps and will ultimately avoid disappointment. Also, choose a venue that you love inside and out! The great British weather is unpredictable but choosing some, like Upton, that has stunning spaces both inside and out so come rain or shine you will get married in beautiful surroundings.”

Kate at Pynes House agrees and has this plan for dealing with less-than-perfect weather forecasts:

“Everyone hopes for sunshine on their wedding day, particularly in the Summer, but make sure you are comfortable with your plan B, in case of bad weather. England is a green and pleasant land for a reason, i.e. because it rains quite a lot! So, make sure you know what will happen if it rains. If you plan an outdoor ceremony, where will the alternative be? If you are hoping to have outdoor reception drinks, where will these be  held otherwise?  If you are having a marquee, how will guests access to the marquee? If you know that you will be happy with the wet weather options, even if not your first choice, you can take the pressure off if the weather does not look good (although we can’t guarantee that you won’t still be weather-watching!).”

 It’s also important to remember that whatever you’re going through before the wedding, you’re not alone and sometimes these stresses can come from your family. Emma at Il Faro suggests dealing with any potential issues sooner rather than later:

“Most couples experience some pre-wedding day stresses relating to family… This comes is different shapes and sizes of problems and stresses from family members oversharing opinions, asking for spots for friends as invited guests, not wanting to play ball, not offering to help to family members disliking each other that the seating plan causes a huge issue! The one piece of advice I give to all my couple is that they are the priority and that if they foresee issues to try and address these as soon as possible. You don’t want issues hanging over you on you special day so share with family your expectations of them in advance and ask them to try as hard as possible to think of your needs first on your wedding day.”

Finally, how do you make sure you’re as chilled as possible on the day itself, regardless of what’s happened before?

“Don’t underestimate the power of sleep,” says Charlotte at Upton Barn and Walled Garden.  “It can be tempting to stay up into the wee hours updating your Pinterest account but don’t forget to get plenty beauty sleep!”

The wonderful team at Elmore Court also agree about the need to really look after yourself:

“It’s easy to forget to look after yourself when you’re juggling planning a wedding alongside your usual commitments, so make an extra effort to take time for yourself. If you don’t already take a little you-time each day, now is the time to start! Do 10 minutes of yoga each morning, run yourself a luxurious bath, or try daily meditation or breathing.”

“On the day itself brides often find it helpful to have a hour or two away from the hustle and bustle of all of the bridesmaids /parents, don’t feel obliged to stick close to friends and family if you’d feel better for having some breathing space”

 Emma at Il Faro says:

“The morning of your big day do something that relaxes you, go for a run, do yoga, meditation, take a bath, hangout with your friends and laugh, do exercise, eat your favourite breakfast; whatever will help you to get in a more relaxed mind frame – your nerves could be playing up and anything that allows your endorphins to be released is a positive.”

On the practical side of things,

“Put together a schedule of timings for the day, so that everyone knows what to expect when and share it with your suppliers at an early stage so that they can advise if they think it needs tweaking,” suggests Kate at Pynes House. “Often the most laid-back weddings are the ones which have had the most pre-planning as everyone knows what is expected at different times.  However, make sure that you have allocated enough time to each section of the day and, if possible, build in a buffer which can give flexibility if there are any unforeseen delays.”

“Trust us. We are on your side,” say the lovely people at Elmore Court. “Your wedding venue team are there to make sure everything runs perfectly smoothly so you and your guests can relax and enjoy your day. It might feel scary giving so much responsibility to strangers, but the more you can allow s to help the more you can relax and enjoy your wedding planning journey and the big day itself. We’ve helped plan and run thousands of weddings, you are in the safest of hands!”

Now all that’s a lot to take in so Vicky, Wedding Manager at Askham Hall has put together this little list. You might not want another list in your life right now but this one only has six things on it and each of them might well save you from a pre-wedding meltdown:

1. Always let you planner/coordinator know what’s going on – they are here to help.
2. Make a spreadsheet for you budget so you can see where you are over and under.
3. Make a to do list with completion/ due dates.
4. Make time for wedding planning but don’t let it consume your life.
5. Make sure you get the venue their list of requirements by the dates stated as they are there for your benefit.
6. Have fun!!

And there we have it, our first feature to help you avoid a pre-wedding meltdown. In the next piece, we hear from bridal boutiques, dress designers and wedding planners and I can tell you now that their advice is absolutely golden.

For more downright fantastic wedding suppliers who’ll make your day all kinds of fabulous, just take a look in our supplier directory.

Love,

Tamryn x