Love My Dress UK Wedding Blog

Confessions of a Disabled Bride ~ Organising an Accessible Honeymoon

It's been a while since our writer Nina Neon - the disabled bride - shared a piece with us about her experience of planning her wedding as part of our 'Confessions of a Disabled Bride' series, but she's back today, refreshed after an evening out to see Mrs Carter entertain the masses, to talk over her accessible honeymoon.

Less than six months until Bob and I are getting married – I am so excited, and I am SO busy. One thing I can tick off the list, though, is finding a hotel to spend the wedding night in and booking our honeymoon. I hope that sharing my experience with booking those will be helpful for some of you.

Neither Bob nor I are beach-holiday-type people, we both prefer cooler climates, cities and to do cultural things on our holidays. For our honeymoon, we decided quite quickly that we didn’t want to go too far away, either. For our wedding gift list, which we created through buy-our-honeymoon, our guests can pay towards a trip to New York we are doing sometime in 2014, and we are really excited for that, but right after the wedding, we want to focus on relaxing and winding down after all that buzz and stress.

So we decided to go to Vienna – a city that I find terribly romantic with its history, palaces, coffee houses and parks, but that also offers great museums and modern architecture. Also, Austrian cuisine is extremely tasty – dumplings, cakes, Schnitzel… I feel like we decided on this one mostly with our tummies.

Bob has never been to Austria, and I am also excited to show him the city my granddad is from (he emigrated to Switzerland in World War 2).

While Vienna has many wonderful things to offer, part of the reason why we are going there is also that it is definitely a city with better wheelchair access than, say, Paris or Rome. It is one of the few cities worldwide that has a fully accessible tube (compared to London’s measly 25% of accessible tube stations). Also, most of its main attractions, even the historic buildings, are easily accessible. I have been to Vienna before and found it incredibly easy to get around, and also had no difficulties with finding accessible hotels, bars, clubs or restaurants.



Now, I am not saying that access should be a main factor when organising your honeymoon – If your heart is set on a specific place, by all means, go there and make it work for you! Personally, I wanted to feel independent and free during my honeymoon, which is why I wanted to go to a place where I knew access would be okay. We’ll leave the adventurous exploring for another time.

But two years ago, I went to Venice with my brother and my dad – and I think it’s the least accessible city I’ve ever been to. However, there have been some improvements during the last decade or so: The vaporetti, which are the city’s public water buses, have wheelchair access, and the mainland of Venice, the Mestre, is actually okay for access, too. If I went to Venice again, I would probably stay there in a hotel and then use the vaporetto to explore the islands. In the old parts of the city, many of the streets are narrow and have small flights of stairs inbetween, which makes it almost impossible for mobility impaired people to get around without any help, but with help (say a strong, determined newlywed spouse) ,Venice is definitely doable, and its beauty is actually worth the hassle.



Other honeymoon-worthy places that I’ve been to and found to have good access, generally speaking, are Seville, Barcelona, Hamburg, Munich, Vancouver, New York or Zurich (yes, this is a shameless plug for my home country and its chocolate).

Because access in the city of Vienna is so good, I thought finding a hotel would be easy – which it is, in theory, but not if you want a suite or a honeymoon room. Most hotels only have one accessible room category, and it is usually the cheapest category.  As we are staying for 10 days and this is the only honeymoon we’ll ever have, my heart was set on having a gorgeous room with a lot of space that would feel romantic and luxurious. So I started to email hotels and asked them to send me measurements of door-widths and pictures of showers.

Most hotels are absolutely fine with doing this – they understand that everyone’s mobility requirements are different and that what works for one wheelchair user might not be suitable for another. However, the lady of one particular hotel I spoke to basically suggested that it is too much work for her to send me pictures of bathrooms and told me that she doesn’t understand why we don’t just book a normal room of their lowest category, as that one is specially adapted for people like me. Needless to say, we decided to spend our money elsewhere – thank you very much.

In the end we found a wonderful, historic hotel (the hotel Sacher, where they invented the scrumptious Sacher chocolate torte) that is freshly renovated and offers spacious, accessible rooms with gorgeous chandeliers in them. Booked!



For our wedding night and the night before the wedding, we decided early on in which hotel we are going to stay – it’s a boutique hotel in Covent Garden, and my parents have stayed there numerous times during the last 10 years. Again, they only offer fully accessible rooms in the two lowest categories, but their staff was extremely helpful and showed me 4 or 5 rooms, until I found a suite that is accessible for me and also offers enough space for me and my bridesmaids to get ready in. Obviously, if you can visit a hotel and look at rooms in person, that will always be more useful than talking to someone over the phone and getting pictures sent.

Generally, I think a honeymoon is a once-in-a-lifetime experience that should be perfect and make you feel comfortable, and you are likely to spend a fair bit of money, so don’t feel shy about asking hotels for specific information.

If you are curious about the accessibility for wheelchairs in different cities, I would absolutely recommend having a look at Rolling Diaries - it’s the blog of Laura, a young American lady in a wheelchair who decided to explore Europe and beyond on what she calls a ‘disabled budget’. Her blog details her experiences in places such as Egypt, France or Croatia, and offers funny anecdotes and many practical tips on how to get around in those countries with a wheelchair.

As always, I would love to hear from you, readers: Do you have experiences of booking accessible honeymoons or hotel rooms? What is the service like for people with other disabilities? Have you encountered any issues that need highlighting? Which cities did you find good, access-wise (or attitude-wise)?

That’s it for this month, and next month I’ll start writing about THE DRESS. Exciiiited!

Nina

 

Nina Neon was born with a disability and has a mobility impairment.  She is engaged to her fiance Bob and they are due to marry in September 2013.  Nina writes the Confessions of a Disabled Bride series on Love My Dress, which documents her experiences of planning and organising a wedding. Nina also writes her own blog, 'Sparkle Wheels'.  We'd love for you to support Nina on her journey by leaving her a comment below.  And you can catch up on Nina's previous features below;

1.  The beginning and an access checklist
2.  Venues - the good, the bad and the amazing!
3.  Rolling down the aisle - with flashing front wheels
4.  On love

Confessions Of A Disabled Bride #4 ~ On Love...

Hello lovers, new readers may not be aware that we are following bride Nina Neon and her wedding planning adventures in our 'Confessions of a Disabled Bride' series.  Nina has already written about her
access checklist, how she found her perfect accessible venue

and how she intends on rolling down the aisle with flashing wheels (yes you read that right!). Today, Nina talks about the most important aspect of her wedding - love - and how she met her Fiance Bob. I hope this inspires some of you to share your own 'how did you meet' stories, we would *love* to hear from you.  Over to you Nina...

When I wrote my first article for Love My Dress a few months ago, several people wrote in the comment section that they would like to hear more about the love story of Bob and me. At the time, this seemed a very personal thing for me to write about for a website – however, during the months I followed, I got to know the wonderful, warm readership community that Love My Dress has, and I also met the lovely Annabel in person, and suddenly it did not seem so strange anymore to write something a bit more personal.

Lights by Artist Tracey Emin

The night I met Bob, I had been single for what seemed like forever – and happily so. Several of my friends were in unhappy relationships, and I saw people around me settling for partners that did not make them happy, out of fear of being alone.  I did not want that – I did not feel alone because I had my friends and family, and I was fiercely independent and cherished my freedom – probably because, like many people with disabilities, those things did not come as easy to me as it did to others when growing up. I also had a terrific role model in my mother, who never re-married after my parents divorced. Instead, she focused on a completely new career path and opened up a wonderful, successful restaurant in Switzerland. From her, I learned that you can be happy and fulfilled without a man, without a relationship. Instead of looking for a boyfriend, I focused on university and, when I moved to London for my MA degree - on exploring this wonderful city.

Being independent as I was, I did not mind going out on my own, and that night in June 2011, I went to an indoor charity festival. Bob was doing a music blog at that time, and so he was there on his own too.  Somehow, over a few too many glasses of wine, we started talking, and later that evening, kissing. Unfortunately, all that wine took its toll, and I had to end the night in a rather unglamourous and dishevelled manner. Bob, however, was absolutely lovely and gentlemanly, made sure I got home alright. AND texted me the next day.

The next few months were tumultuous, to say the least. I was about to finish my Master’s degree and had planned to move back to Switzerland, as I had to leave my student accommodation. I also had a dissertation to write, and at the same time to get used to having a boyfriend – I felt very stressed, and eventually our new relationship crumbled over the pressure and we took a time-out. I was so confused and really needed some space to think.

After I handed in my dissertation, I threw a good-bye party, and Bob came. When I saw him again, I knew that what we had was special, and we decided to make it work, despite the long distance between us. I realised that I would probably never find anyone again who makes me feel so special, comfortable and safe, who makes me laugh and give the best hugs ever.

Within a few months I found a flat in London and applied for a PhD. During New Year’s, we spent a lot of time cuddled up in my unfurnished flat, with just a mattress on the floor, many cups of tea and our favourite films. The flat I found quickly became ours, as we shopped for furniture together and I watched Bob assembling said furniture. When Bob found a job within walking distance, our luck was perfect.

It seems so unreal to me to be a bride (let alone to write for a wedding blog!), because I just did not expect for it to happen, it was never something I took for granted. I don’t think that has anything to do with my disability – most of my disabled friends are in lucky relationships – just with the fact that I did not really believe in love, at least not for me. until I found Bob, who supports me 100% in everything I do, is a wonderful cook, gives me the most amazing Christmas presents (how cute is that unicorn mug up there?), becomes friends with every single person he meets, and even loves watching RuPaul’s Drag Race and Buffy the Vampire Slayer with me. He also has the most wonderful family, who welcomed me with open arms and make me feel as one of them.

There recently was a post on Love My Dress that dealt with the role of the groom, which has really inspired me to write about Bob. I don’t understand how some grooms do not want to be involved in the wedding planning process, because I think it should be collaborative.  I really enjoy discussing the wedding with Bob, and he gives input into every decision we make (apart from my dress, which is top secret, of course!).

I still can’t believe how lucky I am, finding this wonderful, amazing man who will be my husband in a bit more than half a year.

I'd love to hear some of your own stories - especially from those of you who never thought they might end up marrying, or marrying so soon? How did you meet your partners and what roles are your grooms (hello gents if you are reading - please reply too!) playing in your wedding planning?

Nina

 

Nina Neon was born with a disability and has a mobility impairment.  She is engaged to her fiance Bob and they are due to marry in September 2013.  Nina will be writing a monthly article for Love My Dress to document her experiences of planning and organising a wedding, from a disabled brides point of view.  Nina writes her own blog, 'Sparkle Wheels'.  We'd love for you to support Nina on her journey by leaving her a comment below.

Confessions Of A Disabled Bride #3 ~ Rolling down the aisle (with flashing front wheels!)

Morning all, I'm so super delighted that my writing team contributor Nina Neon, our 'disabled bride', is back this morning with the 3rd instalment of her 'Confessions of a Disabled Bride' series.  We've had an amazing response to this project - both via blog comment sand private emails from readers too shy to comment online, and so I'm really so happy that Nina's experiences are inspiring and reassuring brides out there with a disability.  Nina has already talked about her access checklist and how she found her perfect accessible venue, and today she talks about how she plans on actually manouvering down the aisle to meet her beloved.  Please join me in welcoming NIna today as she shares her very personal thoughts and experiences...

A few weeks after we got engaged, I had an interesting conversation with my friend, and bridesmaid, Christina. She asked me whether I would roll down the aisle in my chair, or walk with my crutches. I was a bit perplexed at that question, because it had never even entered my mind.

Christina and I have known each other since we were 6 years old. We shared a room at the children’s hospital, and hated each other with a passion back then, constantly getting into fights over toys and dolls. By the time we were 14, we became really good friends, and have been ever since. Like me, Christina has a walking disability, and we were, for a long time, the only girls in our school who used wheelchairs. We have gone through a lot together – different hair colours, different boyfriends, and now wedding planning! I am very glad that Christina brought that topic up, because I feel it is something I need to address, and might also have to bring up with some of my relatives.

I am very grateful that I can move around on crutches if I have to – when there are stairs, or when I visit someone’s house and it’s too narrow to maneuver around with my wheelchair. But I never feel safe or confident using my crutches, because I am scared of tripping and I can not use my hands, which means I am much more reliant on other people than if I am in my wheelchair.

Ironically, if I am moving around on my crutches, people are much less willing to help me, to open doors for example, even though I am unable to do it myself. When I am in my wheelchair, I can open most doors easily, but still people are almost falling over themselves to help me. I know people perceive me as ‘more’ disabled in a wheelchair than on my crutches, which is also why some of my relatives prefer seeing me on the crutches. But the reality is, I feel much more disabled on crutches – by my surroundings and by other people. My wheelchair makes me feel safe, free and independent- and it sparkles: the front wheels of my chair light up when I move around, and they flash orange, blue and green.

I don’t know why some grown ups have these negative feelings about wheelchairs, because children don’t have it. Last weekend, we spent a wonderful day at Bob’s sister’s house, and his two youngest nieces (and the flower girls for our wedding!), Hannah (3) and Naomi (5), loved to push me around, to sit on my lap and to figure out how exactly the chair works. They see the wheelchair, just as I do, as an amazing tool that helps me getting around and doing the things I want to do. There was another article on Offbeat Bride recently, where onelittlespark declared she was proud to describe herself as disabled and to use a wheelchair. I feel the same way - I’ve been disabled all my life, it is part of my identity and I am proud to show that part of me.

The artist Sue Austin, who is also in a wheelchair, did some incredible underwater performances to express the freedom she feels in her wheelchair...

Love My Dress Wedding Blog - Film Production Copyright (c) 2012, Sue Austin

So for me, it was clear from the beginning that I would roll down the aisle, because that is what will make me feel most comfortable and confident. Christina, as my bridesmaid, can choose for herself how much of the day she will spend walking and how much in her chair – most important is to me that both of us (and the rest of our wedding party and guests) feel at ease moving around.

On our wedding day, we will make sure our wedding guests will stay seated during the ceremony, so they can see me rolling down the aisle, flashing front wheels and all.

Nina

Nina Neon was born with a disability and has a mobility impairment.  She is engaged to her fiance Bob and they are due to marry in September 2013.  Nina will be writing a monthly article for Love My Dress to document her experiences of planning and organising a wedding, from a disabled brides point of view.  Nina writes her own blog, 'Sparkle Wheels'.  We'd love for you to support Nina on her journey by leaving her a comment below.

Confessions Of A Disabled Bride #2 ~ Venues: The Good, the Bad and the Amazing, by Nina Neon

First of all I’d like to say that I am completely overwhelmed by the amazing response my first article of the series received – thank you very much, Love My Dress readers. It has been so interesting and encouraging for me to read your responses, please keep them coming. Both my fiancé and my mum kept telling me whenever there was a new comment, and we were all so excited to read about your own experiences.

When searching for a venue, we knew that we wanted to have the wedding in a historic building or a livery hall, as we feel that we want the venue for ourselves on the day, so a hotel was out of question. Neither Bob nor I are religious, so we were also looking for a venue with a licence to hold the ceremony – it seems more practical, and easier for guests, to have the whole shebang at the same place. Last but not least, we wanted to get married in central London – this is our home, and this is where we met at a music festival, one and a half years ago.

The first venue we looked at was lovely – an old livery hall that was built in the 14th century! Of course, access in a historic, graded building is never the same as in a venue that was built from scratch with access in mind – however, it was clear that the venue did what they could to make it accessible: there were platform lifts and ramps to reach every part of the venue and disabled toilets on every floor. That first venue had everything we hoped for and more: a lovely little garden, a venue manager who would be there on the day to make sure all the lifts and ramps work as they should, and they were willing to make the ‘accessible side entrance ‘ the main entrance for our wedding. 

After this experience we were really excited to see all the other venues: But the rest of the week was rather disappointing. The ‘brilliant’ access the venues promised was sometimes far removed from reality: In one venue, the lady who showed us around said she found the disabled toilet they had ‘horrible’ – surely I could use the ‘normal’ one, as it was rather big? This resulted in a very awkward experience for both of us, as she realised that while the toilet was big, a wheelchair user could never close the door once the wheelchair was inside the cubicle, and the whole endeavour became quite embarrassing.

Another venue stated that I had to leave the building and go through their courtyard every time I want to use the toilet, which left me with images of me out in the rain in my wedding dress, desperately trying to find the disabled toilet through their labyrinth of little pathways and corridors. I honestly feel let down by that venue – I think they should have warned me on the phone that the disabled toilet can only be reached via the courtyard and that the garden pathways were full of gravel. To make matters worse, none of their staff were properly trained to use the platform lift they had. Although the manager of that venue promised me to email me an information pack, I never heard from them again, and I think they realised that their access isn’t good. Access in historic buildings can be tricky, but this venue hunt showed me that it can be done really well, and there is no excuse for staff not being able to operate lifts or not knowing where they store the ramps when they know that they have an appointment with a disabled bride.

With most venues we did not end up choosing, access was not the deciding factor, though. Rather, we felt with some that they would not fit the style of wedding we had in mind, or it was simply a case of liking another venue better.

On the last day of our venue hunt, we visited a place called ‘One Great George Street’ in Westminster. Over the phone, I was told that they had a special lift at the entrance, which is ‘quite something and needs to be seen to be believed’. When we arrived at the venue, I was confused – there was no lift in sight, only stairs. However, once we rang the bell, a doorman came out and made every wheelchair user’s fantasy reality: At the touch of a button, the stairs vanished, withdrew inside of the building, and revealed a platform lift. The wedding co-ordinator told me that they also had a stair-free back entrance, but that the venue had felt that this was not good enough. The building is also the home of the Institution of Civil Engineers, so they came up with a very elegant solution indeed. Here is a video of the lift in action.

One Great George Street was built about 100 years ago, and looked like the place I had imagined my wedding in when I was a child – there were fireplaces and chandeliers everywhere (is anyone else obsessed with chandeliers?), the walls were light and beautifully decorated, and most rooms did not have carpet. Carpets are more difficult to get around on in wheelchairs than other kinds of flooring, but I also think that most carpets are just plain ugly.

he venue was absolutely wonderful both in terms of access and the way it looked, and the wedding co-ordinator, Aoife, seemed really forthcoming and cooperative about all our suggestions and ideas.

This left us in a tricky situation: We had two venues we really liked, and it became quite clear that Bob, after imagining our wedding for over a week in the first venue we saw, found it difficult to consider a different one, while for me, seeing One Great George Street had changed everything. There was a lot of tension between us, and it took a few days for us both to realise that we should be incredibly happy that we found two incredible venues, rather than quarrelling over which one was ‘better’.

We did end up making pro and con-lists, and while it was no easy decision, we ended up picking One Great George Street. I think what won Bob over were two things: That this was exactly kind of wedding venue my 6-year-old self would have dreamed up, and that access simply wasn’t an issue. The venue did not make me feel disabled: there were no barriers or difficulties for me to consider – if the lift by the entrance broke down, there was another accessible entrance, if the lift inside broke down, there were two other ones we could use. Instead of focusing on access issues when thinking about the wedding venue, my mind was completely free and I could immediately start thinking about colours, cakes and dresses. Which is what it should be like, really.

Nina

Nina Neon was born with a disability and has a mobility impairment.  She is engaged to her fiance Bob and they are due to marry in September 2013.  Nina will be writing a monthly article for Love My Dress to document her experiences of planning and organising a wedding, from a disabled brides point of view.  Nina writes her own blog, 'Sparkle Wheels'.  We'd love for you to support Nina on her journey by leaving her a comment below.