Ladies and gentlemen of the class of ’99
Wear sunscreenIf I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it
A long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists Whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable Than my own meandering experience, I will dispense this advice nowEnjoy the power and beauty of your youth, oh, never mind
You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth Until they’ve faded, but trust me, in 20 years, you’ll look back At photos of yourself and recall in a way you can’t grasp now How much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked You are not as fat as you imagineDon’t worry about the future
Or worry, but know that worrying Is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing Bubble gum The real troubles in your life Are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind The kind that blindsides you at 4 p.m. on some idle Tuesday Do one thing every day that scares youSaying, don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts
Don’t put up with people who are reckless with yoursFloss
Don’t waste your time on jealousy
Sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind The race is long and in the end, it’s only with yourself Remember compliments you receive, forget the insults If you succeed in doing this, tell me how Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statementsStretch
Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life
The most interesting people I know Didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don’t Get plenty of calcium Be kind to your knees You’ll miss them when they’re goneMaybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t
Maybe you’ll have children, maybe you won’t Maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the ‘Funky Chicken’ On your 75th wedding anniversary Whatever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much Or berate yourself either Your choices are half chance, so are everybody else’sEnjoy your body, use it every way you can
Don’t be afraid of it or what other people think of it It’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your own living room Read the directions even if you don’t follow them Do not read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel uglyGet to know your parents, you never know when they’ll be gone for good
Be nice to your siblings, they’re your best link to your past And the people most likely to stick with you in the futureUnderstand that friends come and go
But a precious few, who should hold onWork hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle
For as the older you get The more you need the people you knew when you were young Live in New York City once but leave before it makes you hard Live in northern California once but leave before it makes you softTravel
Accept certain inalienable truths
Prices will rise, politicians will philander, you too, will get old And when you do, you’ll fantasize that when you were young Prices were reasonable, politicians were noble And children respected their eldersRespect your elders
Don’t expect anyone else to support you
Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you’ll have a wealthy spouse But you never know when either one might run outDon’t mess too much with your hair
Or by the time you’re 40 it will look 85Be careful whose advice you buy but be patient with those who supply it
Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past From the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts And recycling it for more than it’s worthBut trust me on the sunscreen