From the Heart – How to be a Good Bridesmaid

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You coo over the ring, you cry when she tells you how he asked and then she pops a question of her own. You accept, overjoyed, but what IS involved in being a bridesmaid and more importantly, how can you be a great one? I wrote recently about how it feels when you’re let down by members of your own wedding party but how do you know where to start as a bridesmaid?

If you’re unmarried or haven’t been to many weddings as an adult then how do you know what there is to it over and above flirting with the best man?! Here are some tips to get you started.

Image by Nataly J Photography

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Be patient

For a bride, weddings can be all-consuming. If you’re already married, you’ll probably understand this but if not, it can be hard to understand how much pressure your friend might be feeling to invite Great Aunty Doris who she hasn’t seen in twenty years and her 4 kids, or to make sure that cousin Dave is sat as far from the bar as possible so that there isn’t a repeat of “that other wedding”. When your friend calls you to vent about her latest worry, by all means try and make helpful suggestions, but also realise that the chances are, she’s not expecting you to have all the answers – she just wants to get it off her chest to someone who’s on her side.

Be flexible about the dress

If you’ve seen Katherine Heigl’s collection of truly monstrous bridesmaid dresses in 27 Dresses, it can be easy to worry that you’re going to end up looking like a toilet roll cover from 1983 but don’t fret – your friend does NOT want her ‘maids to look awful’. If you have something specific you’re really uncomfortable about (maybe you have a scar on your back; maybe you have big boobs that aren’t practical in a strapless dress) then let her know but if you don’t like the shade of green she’s adamant she wants you in? Suck it up – your friendship will thank you for it.

Talk about money

Etiquette and expectations about this vary wildly. Some brides will pay for everything from dresses, to hair and make up, to shoes, jewellery, accommodation and even underwear. Others will ask bridesmaids to pay for it all themselves, and others still will do something in between. Nothing can damage a friendship more than falling out over money, so have this conversation early so you both know where you stand.

Throw her a fantastic hen

A girl doesn’t get many chances to have all her best girlfriends in the same place at the same time. A great hen do can be the perfect opportunity to bring together her childhood friends, uni flatmates, colleagues and anyone else she’s picked up along the way. Ask her for a brief… maybe she wants to hand over COMPLETE control, maybe she wants to know everything you’ve got planned… either way, make sure you listen to what she wants. Even if it’s not your cup of tea, if the bride is having a great time, all her hens will too. Bear in mind budgets too – chances are, her friends won’t all have the same levels of income and nothing kills someone’s enthusiasm for a hen do more than feeling like they’ve had to part with a small fortune for two nights away. Personal touches mean far more than huge expense.

Be practical

There are a lot of great things involved in being a bridesmaid – dress shopping, maybe a make up trial, hearing about the menu, or just knowing more about the day in advance than the other guests – but often the things that make a difference to the bride are the practical ones. When my best friend got married, her reception was at her dad’s. She lives next door so at the end of the night, there were various guests sleeping across spare rooms, sofas, floors and in tents in the gardens. You would have found me at 3am, still in my dress, loading her dishwasher and cleaning her kitchen which was still a mess from the night before and a few hours later, after very little sleep, dashing down the road to go and buy loo roll because every single bathroom had run out!

Think about the boring stuff… what are you eating for breakfast on the morning of the wedding and who’s providing and preparing it? If the bride and groom are disappearing on mini/honeymoon straight after the wedding, how is her dress / the bunting / the leftover cake getting home? They’re not the most exciting jobs but they will make a massive difference to a stressed out bride.

A great bridesmaid is one of the best assets a bride can have. Be the best bridesmaid – and friend – that you can be and that friendship that you already thought was solid as a rock will be even closer still.

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The author of this feature would prefer to remain anonymous but is one of our lovely blog readers who has asked to contribute to ‘From The Heart’ – a series where we hand the blog back over to our readers on a Sunday to write about all matters of love and life. From the Heart went on to inspire our new site, A Life Loved.

3 thoughts on “From the Heart – How to be a Good Bridesmaid

  1. Where can I find an article in which you write about a member of the wedding party that left you dissapointed? Thank you! 🙂

  2. I would add.. try to get on with the other Bridesmaids too. There is nothing more upsetting for a Bride than Bridesmaids who squabble. Often Brides ask friends to be Bridemaids but that doesn’t mean that thosen chosen necessarily like each other. Being supportive and doing your best to be the best person you can be on the day could mean the difference between a successful wedding and an upsetting one. After all you only have to put yourself in the Bride’s position.. for one day it could be your turn;)

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