The Quiet Photographer: Why Being an Introvert is Actually a Superpower

There’s a version of the wedding photographer you probably have in your head. Loud. Confident. Always on. The sort of person who counts everyone in like they’re about to shoot a film, and seems to be genuinely having the time of their life at all times.

That’s not me, I’m an introvert.

I’ve always been the sort of person who’s quite happy not seeing or speaking to anyone on any given week. And early in my career, I did think that was a problem, because a few couples told me so. Not unkindly. They’d loved the photos. But they’d mention in feedback that I was a bit quiet. A bit in the background. Not quite what they’d expected.

But the bit of me that stands on the periphery and watches instead of talks is the same bit that makes the photographs. That’s not actually a bug, it’s the operating system.

I read Quiet by Susan Cain a few years ago and felt seen. Cain’s whole argument is that we’ve built a culture obsessed with the Extrovert Ideal. The loudest voice wins, the most charismatic person leads, the one filling the room with energy must know what they’re doing. And in doing that, we’ve written off an enormous amount of the population who do their best thinking and their best work in the opposite conditions.

She argues the point about introverts being more sensitive to their environment. Picking up on things others miss, listening more than talking, noticing the peripheral stuff. That’s not necessarily a negative personality quirk for a wedding photographer. If we want it to be, that the actual job description (I’m a huge fan of writing your own job description as being one of the perks of being self employed).

The one place my introversion used to actually trip me up was group photographs. Gathering forty-odd people who are mid-drink and mid-conversation requires a specific type of energy I simply don’t have. I’d stand there politely gesturing and nothing would happen. It was exactly as embarrassing as it sounds. So I stopped trying to fix that and started working with it instead.

I ask couples to nominate whoever their loudest, most naturally bossy friend or family member is, and hand the wrangling over to them. There is usually a school teacher, judge, someone who perfectly fits this role. They love it.

And I always tell the couple something that is completely true: I don’t know who anyone is. I genuinely do not know which one is the maid of honour or whose aunt needs to be in the next shot. I need someone who does.

Which is ties into the bigger picture. Being upfront about how I work means people get it. They come to expect it. They actually respect it – because they can see it’s not a performance, it’s just how the work gets made. I’m not pretending to be someone else for eight hours and then handing over photos that don’t match the personality they hired. What you see is what you get, and the photos are what happens when someone like me is left to do their thing.

There are lots of brilliant, loud wedding photographers out there. They make bold, colourful, brilliantly directed photos and if that’s what you’re after, they’ll give it to you. And the photos will look like that -full of energy and production and a lot of them shaped by the photographer’s presence on the day.

Mine look like what your wedding actually was. Which is either exactly what you want or really isn’t, and it’s fine either way.

A calm person in the background of your day is worth more than people realise, especially when everything else is spinning. I’m not adding to the noise. I’m just watching it, documenting it, trying to make art from it.

It probably explains why most of the photographers I’m inspired by are not the gregarious ones. Not just in the wedding industry (I did attend a workshop for documentary wedding photographers recently, that was an awkward start to the day. I may have actually been one of the least introverted people in that room).

Vivian Maier spent decades working as a nanny, photographing the streets of Chicago and New York, and never showed the work to anyone. It was discovered almost by accident after she died. Intensely private. Never interested in recognition. Just making photographs because she couldn’t not.

Henri Cartier-Bresson used to cover the shiny parts of his Leica with black tape so it wouldn’t catch the light and give him away. His whole approach was about becoming invisible.

Saul Leiter made extraordinary photographs in New York for years and then more or less disappeared from public view for a long stretch.

The photographers drawn to the candid, the unposed, the unguarded – a lot of them seem to be the ones who can disappear into a room.

I think it works well for couples too. Or at least the kind I tend to find myself working with.

Not just photographers, though. The quiet professionals on a wedding day are doing something that doesn’t get talked about enough.

Like the hair and makeup artist who brings the calm, who doesn’t need to fill the room with chatter. Because the last thing anyone should have to do on their wedding morning is perform the hairdresser conversation while they’re nervous about one of the biggest days of their lives. The makeup artist who reads the room, keeps the energy quiet, and lets you just exist in that time. That’s a skill and definitely something I’d be paying more money for.

Or the venue coordinator who you barely see all day, and they’re absorbing problems before anyone else knows there are problems. The thing that nearly went wrong that you’ll never find out about – that was them. The calm at the centre of the day isn’t accidental, and it usually isn’t created by extroverted people.

These are the people worth seeking out. Not because quiet is always better, but because on a day that asks so much of you emotionally, the suppliers who don’t add to the noise are giving you something real.

The feedback I get most often afterwards is some version of: we forgot you were there. And then they look through the photos and find all these moments they’d either forgotten or hadn’t noticed at all. And that’s the job. Not filling the room. Just paying close enough attention to catch it.

Simon Dewey is a Derby, UK based wedding photographer and much loved and recommended member of our trusted Wedding Directory. We’re delighted to share his writing with you today and recommend you take a moment to learn more about his work if you’re looking for a photographer to shoot your wedding.

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