Well, s**t just got real! Since I last posted, we have passed a huge wedding landmark – we are now officially into double figures. The 100 day count down has sailed past and is well and truly in the rear-view mirror. Along with all my zen.
I’ve been a pretty cool customer up until this point – working in short, sharp and successful bursts, having a thoroughly lovely time constructing the wedding of our dreams. However, as the title of this blog suggests. The bigger picture is looming.
I’d like to let all of you wonderful brides-to-be into a secret that very few people pass on. I’ve affectionately named it ‘The Fear’. Now, I don’t think this information hasn’t been passed on for malicious reasons. More likely, I’m sure, is that once you experience that magical moment when you see your groom at the end of the aisle, all that has gone before is forgotten. But let me guarantee you, ladies, at some point throughout the planning of your big day, you will encounter The Fear. Like death and taxes – it is inevitable!
Now, in my everyday life, I’m pretty self assured in my choices and style. So, with utter confidence, I romped through the initial choices that we had to make. I loved seeing my Pinterest board come to life, ticking off wedding details with a smug joy and a self congratulatory sense of achievement that belied what lay in store…..The Fear! As you begin to reflect over the choices you have already made with such previously breezy confidence, a feeling of crippling self doubt begins to creep over you like the shadow of dark clouds on a lovely warm summer’s afternoon.
Remember those quirky personal table names you loved yesterday? Well, today they feel tackier than an inflatable toy at a Blackpool Hen-do!
Performing at Ascot with my band of fellow singers, The Tootsie Rollers
(that’s me, front right)
What about all those classy timeless details you couldn’t wait for your friends to swoon over? They just seem as boring as paint drying now!
Already gripped by an irrational feeling of self recrimination over our choice of hors d’oeuvres, we recently went to re-visit the wedding venue. I cannot put into words how much I ADORE our venue, I mean it’s literally perfect. However, even perfection isn’t immune from the fear. Having done the ‘once around’, Dave casually suggested changing our seating plan from banqueting tables to the more traditional round tables (in case I never said it, Dave, you are totally right!).
Slowly, I could feel the walls started to close in. Moving on, we discovered that we couldn’t have the band where we had initially planned because of a fire exit we had missed on our original visit. Cue: melt down! Are the band going to be too big for the room? Are we going to have to book a smaller band?! Would we be better off with a DJ?! Is that a bit boring?! Etc, etc.
At this point I could feel my Asthma kicking in! The worries snowballed…
- Is the aisle in the Church too small?
- Will we fit all the guests in?
- What if the guests don’t dance?
- What if the evening is really segregated into smoking and non smoking areas?
- What if it rains?
- Where on earth will the photobooth go?!
So, of course I did the only reasonable thing…snapped at Dave and spent the entire car journey home working myself into a panic! Thankfully, I’ve picked the perfect man to marry as eventually he managed to talk me down from the ledge. He and my mum spent the entire next day going through every single detail and I went to bed that evening feeling a whole new level of excitement for our wedding!
THE WILLIAMS’ -1 / THE FEAR -0
Me and mum
So, I guess with this post I’d like to let you all into the fear club, but I assure you that once you let it in, it’s moves on as quickly as it came.
Yesterday Dave and I celebrated our seven year anniversary. We spent the evening tasting our wedding menu. It was perfect in every way and once again I can’t wait for our big day. Fear? What fear?!
Love Khiley xx
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Our blogging bride and Lovettes member Khiley is due to marry her fiance David on 19th October at Hengrave Hall, Suffolk. Their wedding will be photographed by Richard Payne. You can find Khiley on Instagram and you can also read Khiley’s previous Lovettes features here. Khiley is also a member of all-girl singing band, The Tootsie Rollers.
Oh Khiley this post is exactly where i’m at right now, for I too am in the grip of ‘The Fear’! I however only have 33 days to go until W Day, so some major freak outs are happening.
You’re so right about this illusion other brides try to give, how the planning is such a wonderful time and you’re constantly happy. Don’t get me wrong I am super excited to become Mrs Jackson VERY SOON, and it really will be a wonderful day no matter what. But you really do sweat the small stuff… like the colour scheme for example, how gold is too gold? Am I going over the top with the glitter? What will people think to all the sparkle? Have I got enough tealights?
Every now and again we really do need our grooms to give us a good shake and bring us back to reality.
xx
Absolutely Amy! It’s so hard not to second guess yourself constantly…
FYI there is NO such thing as too much sparkle ?