Morning again everyone ~ here’s a bit of a mid-morning discussion post for you. Late yesterday evening I received an email from a regular Love My Dress reader/distressed bride to be, who has given me permission to replicate, anonymously, the following part of her email…
“…frustrated doesn’t even come into it, we are due to marry early March and sent our invites out shortly before Christmas. Knowing that the christmas cards might cause a distraction, I emailed as many people as I could too. To date, we re waiting on replies to 19 of the 72 invites we sent out. I’m so busy planning last minute wedding things and trying to hold down a full time job that I’m not even sure I’ll have in two months time that the idea of having to chase these people up sends me in to a cold spin! I don’t have the time or the energy right now to phone everyone and feel loathed that I would even have to given they haven’t replied to their invite, but my venue need to know numbers and we need to settle bills and given the budget is pretty tight, we don’t want to have to pay for people who may not turn up on the day.
Have you any advice for how I should respond to those people who’ve not sent me their RSVP? All/any help at all much appreciated!”
Image from the ‘Frosty Forest’ Collection, by Artcadia
Hmmm. The guest who doesn’t respond to their wedding invite.
How do you respond to this?
Very luckily, I didn’t actually have any guests who didn’t respond. Sure, some of them left it right up until the eleventh hour to send their RSVP back – which was a stress causer in itself, but they all replied in the end. I can imagine had they not have done, it would have been one right royal pain having to chase them up. And I’d have been one very frustrated bride to be – last thing you need as the final stages of the wedding planning fall upon you.
And it’s so disheartening too. Never mind whether you’ve pained over many late nights in a dimly lit room applying your glue pen and adhesive crystals to your DIY stationery or paid a princely sum for sumptuous bespoke letterpress stationery – it’s the mere thought that a friend, relative, no matter how close or distant, couldn’t be bother to confirm their attendance at such an important event that really stings.
19 out of 72 invitations? That’s presumably approximately, potentially, up to 38 people, right? That’s a REALLY BIG DEAL when it comes to planning and budgeting! I really feel this bride’s pain.
I guess as far as etiquette goes, not responding to a wedding invitation is a pretty low in my books. But I’d really like to help my anxious Bride to remain calm and keep things in perspective.
So, how do you plan on dealing with non-responses, or, if you are already married-happily-ever-after, how did you deal with non-responses at the time?
Wedding planners – what would you advise?
I’d love your thoughts and feedback on this one my lovelies. Let’s help my reader/distressed bride to be – I’m just about to email her back to let her know about this post.
Many many thanks and love,
Annabel
♥
You can browse through many more discussion posts on Love My Dress here…
Annabel View all Annabel's articles
Founder of Love My Dress. Passionate Podcaster and Editor. Annabel lives in rural North Yorkshire with her husband and business partner Philip, their two daughters and menagerie of furry hounds. She loves photography, meditation, walking, being outdoors and star gazing. She is fierce when it comes to championing talent within the wedding industry and when she's not working on Love My Dress, she supports her husband Philip in the running of the family's sustainable flower farm and floral design business, Moonwind Flowers. In 2013, she became a published author.
We didn’t really have non-responders, but we had a couple of people who weren’t sure if they would be able to make it. I think you just need to give people a quick phone call or ask your parents to get in touch with people if they are friends through the family.
I think once you’ve done that, you just have to go with it and not let it bother you too much. My uncle was called off to service just before our wedding so last minute couldn’t come, we just had to work round it – I guess it’s just how it is. Don’t stress about it, call people up, explain it really helps you to know asap if they can or can’t come, give them a deadline, and then just accept what will be will be. I learnt you can’t count on everything to go as planned on your wedding day, you just can’t be bothered by any of it once the day begins.
That’s what the bridal party is for! Ha! We had a few non-responders too. A few of my bridesmaids politely asked/emailed/called them. My mother-in-law was a huge help too (for the guests on my husbands side of the family).
It sounds like this busy bride needs to start delegating! *:)
Firstly if you are having a buffet I wouldn’t worry too much there is always far too much food if last minute stragglers turn up.
I would say look at the list divide it into yours and his family and friends. Ask the mums to chase up family invites and split the friends between you and H2B.
Whatever happens don’t let other peoples bad manners spoil your day.
Jenni, regardless if you are having a buffet or sit down dinner. Tables, chairs, linens, seating charts, decorations all cost money. It is just down right RUDE to not take 30 seconds to fill out a reply card and put it in the mail. I once went to a wedding that if you had not returned your reply card they were told they could enjoy drinks until after dinner was over and then join the party for the dancing. I loved it….This is a high society wedding. Wish I had the guts to get my brides to do this…..but no we spend valueable time calling and texting to get an accurate number.
And Annabell, if “I guess as far as etiquette goes, not responding to a wedding invitation is a pretty low in my books.” you should not be blogging about ettiquette.
Like the previous post said, call them and explain you need to know Yes or No. What you have to remember is the wedding is currently the centre of your universe, however your guests are getting along with their lives oblivious to what you are dealing with. Split the list of who hasn’t responded between you, groom and your parents and call them up. If you feel your too busy then I would say re address your priorities and delegate some of actions. Either way I’m sure you will have an amazing day and the most important people will be there if they can. x
We had two non-responses. With both, other family members phoned/got in touch with the people and asked them outright if they were coming. It has to be said I think a lot less of both people now but hey ho… on the plus side, we had more guests than we had seats at one point so not having those two people there was a bonus!
I’ve had the exact same dilemma when I was getting married. Felt so frustrated that most people hadn’t replied by the RSVP date. I phoned my mum who is a very relaxed and practical lady – very unlike me – and she said ‘Just phone them up!’ and that they were probably all just really busy and had forgotten but that it’s not intentional to cause me upset and you know what? She was right and EVERYBODY was so apologetic. So my advise would be before you get really upset about this just phone them and see what is going on. Or get your husband to be to do this for you if I don’t want to. x
I don’t buy it. We are ALL busy, however a bride takes the time and considerable expense to select, create and post an invitation, it should not be a big deal to lift a heavy, heavy pen and place an oh so difficult check mark in a post paid envelope, itself collectively a considerable expense. You know the minute you open an invitation if you want to attend or not. It is the height of rudeness – I just spoke with a bride today going through this very ordeal – she can’t do her seating charts. Don’t put a long extended timeframe on the RSVP by date is my advice. Two or three weeks at best. And as for the seating put all non-respondents at a table way in the back. They deserve one another. : ) Exclude that no show relation who responds “will attend” and doesn’t from your headcount. ( You know the one who was a no-show for your engagement party, bridal shower, bachelorette party ) If that person shows they can sit in the kitchen. Lol
Some sound advice already – thank you SO much ladies – waiting to hear back from the Bride later this evening as she’ll be at work all day. Hope she get’s to sneak peek some of your replies during work time…
xXx
Some people are just not that organised and not good at remembering to send back RSVPs. I wouldn’t hold it against them. Yes it is frustrating when you have to chase people but surely you will be closer to the people on your guest list and a quick phone call will solve any numbers problems. I think it is all too easy to get stressed on the run up to the big day and you should be enjoying the planning, not getting hung up on the little things. x
Poor you! I really feel for you. We had quite a few to chase, too, and we needed meal choices from people. I had no qualms about just being direct- calling up the no-replyers and finding out an answer. You just need to know and most people really understand that and are apologetic.
It sounds like you’re really busy and stressed so: DELEGATE, DELEGATE, DELEGATE. Are there family members/friends/bridesmaids who can do some chasing on your behalf?
Also, I bet the Christmas timing of things has made some people completely forget in the mad rush of it all.
Frankie x
We have had about 12 non responders, but spoken to most already who said they just needed to work out transport, or a friend and her family don’t know as she’s pregant and due 2 weeks before the wedding.
So it’s only about 4 really that I haven’t spoken to, and our deadline is today. Our venue needs our numbers next week, they told us if people are not sure or people don’t respond, put them down as a no, as the venue can’t take off people once we’ve confirmed, but they can always add people on. I guess though if the majority of people haven’t replied then that’s a bit of a nightmare, as it gives the venue no idea whatsoever!
Hi All,
Sadly some people just don’t realise the etiquette in responding to RSVP’s. Although it might feel intimidating and you’re right, you ‘shouldn’t have to’ chase them for their replies. But alas, to get your numbers to the venue, calling them is going to be the quickest way to get a firm reply and move on. Just explain that you haven’t heard from them, and need to get final numbers to the venue. Also yes – definitely delegate to hubby-to-be and mum’s and dad’s to share the phonecalls.
Hopefully you can hit the nail on the head in less than a day and then focus on the other exciting last minute things to prepare. Savour every moment. ;o)
Nu Bride
Twitter @nu_bride
Assign the job to a bridesmaid, family member or wedding planner asking them to give everyone a quick call or reminder email just saying that your venue have asked for final numbers and you were wondering if they’d be able to make the wedding x
And give them a swift kick in the rear for their rudeness….lol seriously you are so sensible!
Take a deep breath. This is your big day and don’t let anything spoil it.
Plan an hour within a day this week and make a quick call to each person. It really won’t take long to get through your list of outstanding RSVP’s. They will fully understand that you need final numbers.
Be prepared even if everyone says they are coming, that something will prevent someone attending. Out of 65 people on my day, 4 didn’t show due to illness and other reasons (2 of which didn’t not even contact me), but hey I had a fabulous day so it didn’t matter.
You’ll probably find that you will receive all of your RSVP replies now that you have mentioned it.
Have a wonderful day xxx
Did they include rsvp cards in with the invitations and did they have a date to reply by? If so I would assume that if they haven’t replied by then that they won’t be attending. Alternatively could another family member maybe take the strain off the bride and spend a day phoning round people just to 1. confirm they got their invitation and 2. if they will be attending. Hope that helps.
As a wedding stationer I here of this all the time! So many of my brides get in touch frantic because they can’t get the information I need to make their reception stationery to me on time because they are still waiting on replies.
Can I just appeal to any people out there who have been invited to weddings to reply promptly to your invitation … someone has taken the time to send one to you .. please have the courtesy to reply! You have no idea how many problems this causes!
Sorry rant over 😉
Hi Annabel,
Firstly – I LOVE your blog and have to tell you what a relief it was to find it after the frightening prospect of getting my wedding inspiration and ideas from magazines! I am now a frequent reader and constantly printing out wonderful advice and images for my style folder – which is now absolutely heaving!
I think I echo many others here but my advice would be to get someone else to do the calling – not only does it sound like the bride is stretched time-wise but I do feel (speaking from personal experience) that if she’s already feeling upset about the lack of etiquette in responding then having a conversation with someone who ‘still doesn’t get it’ may not be the best way forward – and we all know that when we’re under stress tempers are more likely to flare!
However, 19 lack of responses does sound like a lot but there may be a few that did go astray, this happened to friends of ours. Fortunately I was mutual friends with the people who had not RSVP’d and was able to ‘in passing’ ask if they were planning on going to the wedding…it turns out they hadn’t received their invite and had been a bit hurt, wondering why it was that they had not been invited!!
However, I really don’t think that a lot of people follow the rules of etiquette anymore. How often do you get a last minute text from a friend saying they can no longer meet you for a drink (I personally think the least you can do if you’re letting me down last minute is make a phone call) or have a dinner party planned only for one couple to say they are now ‘double booked’ and can’t make it (in other words they were free when you asked but got invited to something they liked the sound of more!). The fact is, people don’t have the same manners these days (listen to me, I sound like my Mum!) but you can either let it upset you or realise it’s not your problem and move on and simply do your best. Please tell the bride this is most certainly on of those ‘It’s you, not me’ times and she should simply keep looking forward to her special day, don’t let it be clouded by this experience.
What a great post though – food for thought when I get to this stage!
Esther x
Esther B – thank you so much for your kind words! It’s fabulous. Sage words of advice for my reader/Bride too – thank you so much.
You make a good point about manners. I guess this ‘instant communications’ age has had an impact on the way we handle social etiquette….food for thought….
Annabel xXx
We had some non-responders & when we chased them they mostly said ‘We’re definitely coming; we thought that was a given & so didn’t think we needed to formally reply’. We only had one who said ‘We’ve only received an evening invite, so we’re not coming’ – ooops!
We found that most of our non-responders were actually our closest friends/family who assumed their RSVP was a given.
My main stress was that we had 5 – yes 5, invited couples break-up within the month before our wedding, so we had some re-arranging (& providing a shoulder to cry on) to do!
I really feel for the Bride in this post as it is so frustrating having to chase people when you have so many other things to do…
But, my advice is to call them & then you know where you’re up to – I’m sure most of the the non-responders are really looking forward to your wedding and will be there, it’s just that they don’t understand the importance of RSVPing on time.
Try not to get too stressed about this – it WILL be fine! 🙂
Enjoy your final preparations and hope you both have an amazing day.
xx
Luckily we only had a couple of non-responders. It is so frustrating though when you put so much effort into your wedding and other people either don’t realise or care how important it is. Some people really are just useless with RSVPs!
I think the only option really is to call them yourself or delegate it to family members depending on who hasn’t responded. I know you feel like “why should I bother if they can’t”. But you really need to get a definite answer. Give them a deadline and if they go over it, give them the axe.
I hope you get it sorted. Whatever happens your wedding will be perfect, and I promise you’ll be so wrapped up in the day you will forget all about it.
Xx
Hi All,
I do think etiquette plays a large part here. With only 18 guests coming to our wedding, we only had 9 invites to send out and had spoken to all our guests beforehand so they knew they were being invited and when the wedding was.
In a truly practical sense then, we didn’t really need RSVPs as we knew everyone was coming…however, to date we have only received 3 written acceptances (invites sent out early Dec for April wedding). A few people have confirmed by text or FB and others – including 1 of my bridesmaids and both sets of parents, haven’t sent any acknowledgement. I guess they didnt need to, right??
I’ve had to accept that whilst this really upset me (I was really looking forward to receiving the RSVPs in the post and keeping them as momentoes), my wedding just isn’t as important to others as it is to me and not everyone is as sentimental as I am! Shocking I know, but there you have it!!
In the case of this particular bride, clearly there is a bigger issue with needing to confirm numbers and I agree with other people above that the bridal party should be commandeered to help here.
Good luck anonymous bride – deep breaths and call in the favours from those around you. xx
We’re having a similar problem, compounded by the fact that our small intimate wedding has been made smaller by all bar 1 of my fiance’s cousins being unable to attend and an Usher being refused time off work. It really upset me when I found all this out last week as we both had friends we had wanted to invite but couldnt because of the size of his family and they then left it to the last minute to RSVP with a no. And we sent the save the dates out last January, so it hasnt exactly come out of the blue.
The way Im looking at it at the moment, is the less people there, the less expensive the final bill will be, which having just recieved a quotation for the cake at nearly £600 can only be a good thing!
Oh and definately get your parents on board to chase RSVPs. Its made my life so much easier just giving all of that to my Mum to do (and has made her much more computer literate too!)
Interesting. We like the other commenters on here, had already mentioned we would be sending the invites shortly to our guests. We had all our RSVPs within the first few days. We were taken aback by the quick responses. It couldn’t have gone any better. Then again it comes down to luck too I think.
Vicki Preston-Ladd – you are SO right. I remember the feeling very well of really wanting – needing almost – the RSPVs to come landing on my door mat. They were my way of showing people cared – and as you say, a memento to collect – a keepsake. I still have all of mine in a special ‘wedding box’ that is in our loft.
One thing I learned planning our wedding though was, how do I put this – being a bride is like starring in your own movie, you invest EVERYTHING into the planning and looking amazing on the day – but for the better part – almost everyone else is just there for the show – they won’t share your drama or anxiety – they won’t understand it.
But that still doesn’t change that it hurts when even the little things you were looking forward to don’t quite work out as you had envisaged.
I think if I was in this situation, I’d do what several readers have already suggested – Delegate! Get my Mum on the case or something! 🙂
xXx
This is exactly the type of response I had hoped for from my wonderful readers – thank you SO much everyone 🙂
xXx
My mum was a god send, she called and emaile all the people who hadn’t responded, and she did this right after the RSVP date.
I would get on the phone or ask your mum and mum 2b to get on the case for you and just explain that youneed to know for numbers as the venue need to know.
We just sent out our gorgeous letterpress invitation and RSVP cards from Artcadia (like the one pictured above) last week. I think the RSVP cards are a great idea, and make it nice and easy for people to reply without having to think too much.
However, just this morning, I got so excited as another RSVP card came through the post, and then my heart sank. The person has written “Sorry” above the Regret line, but NO NAME!! So I know that someone is not coming, but who???? Oh dear. I guess it will have to be a process of elimination. It looks like an older persons handwriting, so I can maybe start using my Poirot little grey cells, and discover who it was.
I love the comments about your wedding being like your universe/own movie! It’s sometimes hard to understand that this isn’t the case for every one of your guests but as long as you don’t let it upset you and you enjoy the planning! I used individual letter stamps for the addresses on every single invite… While the envelopes are probably now being re-united in a land-fill somewhere… I can have my secret dream that everyone has gushed over the intricacy of them and anyway… I love making them!! Plan your day to make you and h2b happy – try not to let others worry you!xx
Thanks Jemma – I don’t think I articulated very well what I remember being said to me about the movie thing, but it was something along the lines of – *not everyone will want a starring role or share your passion for the finale* that’s not to put a dampner on the celebrations of the day, but just to try to contextualise how perceptions of our own weddings will be very different to the perceptions of others. If that makes sense!? 😉 xXx
Hazel Williams – *Excellent* choice 🙂
Definitely agree with the advice about getting your parents to do the chasing, especially for family.
Also agree with being a bit tactful, first asking if they got the invitation, as what if it got lost in the post?
Also, check you paid the right postage, as if not the guests will have to pay the difference plus an admin fee to pick them up. I went to buy a sheet of stamps in bulk, and halfway down the street thought to turn around and fetch one of the invites to push through the little slot thing in the post office, just to make sure. Turns out it was around 1mm too thick to be a normal letter so had to get large letter stamps. A big ‘phew!’ moment!
My general recommendation to my brides is to blame it on the post. I tag the bridesmaids to help make the calls, and it goes much like this: “Hi there, I’m helping Suzi bride do her table arrangements for her wedding on March 17th and it seems that the post must have lost your RSVP card, so I just needed to know how many Beef/Chicken/whatever, or simply how many people are attending, so that I have the proper seats available.” This tactic gives the guests an easy out without causing undue embarrassment. Hope this helps!
Oh dear – this hadn’t occurred to me! I too am looking forward to RSVPs as we didn’t get many engagement cards (I read in a wedding book that one rule of thumb for invites is to invite those who send you an engagement card: it would be a lonely wedding). Also I hate bad manners so I think I’d be pretty sharp with people who didn’t get back to me! I’d definitely do the “oh it must be lost in the post as you couldn’t possibly be SO RUDE…”. I think I had better delegate this one!
I didn’t RSVP to my brother’s wedding though and his wife got quite snippy about it. But given that I was to-ing and fro-ing with them trying to find a suitable reading for them (‘oh just pick something to read’), I kind of thought they realised I was coming!
OK – confession time. I forgot to respond to a very dear friend’s invitation. It arrived, I thought, ‘how lovely, must reply!’ and then life overtook. Then suddenly I got a phone call from him asking me politely whether I could make it. He was absolutely charming and very understanding (I was mortified) and said that in fact he was usually guilty of doing this too. I think the thing is that you have to not take it personally. It’s tough, but really, even in the run up to your wedding you shouldn’t be so busy that you can’t even phone your friends once. People don’t mean to forget to reply, and it’s not personal. It’s just that with all the internet stuff bombarded at us every day we’re all getting more and more forgetful.
Sorry, disagree. It is simply rude. Get your act togethet.
Oh how dreadful! I really feel for you. This is stress you do not need 🙁
I agree with above. Bridesmaids or even the groom can make a curt point without the bridezilla label that would come with it!
I am pretty scatty myself though and you should console yourself that the majority are not trying to be rude, just forgetful!
Enjoy your day 🙂 (and equally girls please remember to send out thank you cards promptly, I have been to a few weddings recently where rudely we haven’t received anything back at all!)
Sarah xx
I feel your pain, we had lots of non responses too. Our RSVP asked if they were coming, any dietary requirements and music requests – all necessary stuff. I had to remind my Mum and sisters, Mum and older sister finally replied a month late, other 2 never bothered despite several reminders. We phoned, emailed or used Facebook to remind people.
On the day we had people turn up who hadn’t replied, people who had replied for plus one came on their own and others who had replied didn’t show. Everyone invited showed up for the ceremony and afternoon tea but we had a whole empty table in the evening. Most of the no shows got in touch on the day or just after but 5 months later we still haven’t heard from one of Sam’s aunts & her daughter. If they had all gotten in touch before the day we could have saved ourselves paying for 7 meals & drinks! Some poeple are just RUDE and inconsiderate!
How awful for you! I’m getting married in October and actually had the same thoughts. I’m being quite harsh on mine and putting a June RSVP date, if they have not RSVP’d by then I will chase and if I’ve still not heard after two weeks I’m moving on and inviting someone else. If they do come back to say they can attend I’m going to politely tell them that as I had not heard after chasing and they had missed the date of RSVP they are welcome to come to the evening but their seat at the day has now been allocated to someone else. It’s hard when you have to pay so much per head and also if you are limited to numbers due to space issues at the venue.
I know that doesn’t help you now but may help future brides.
For now, I would try and email everyone (bcc them all) to say you need to finalise numbers and if you’ve not heard by a certain date you will have to assume they cannot make it. That way you have been fair and given them chance to get back to you. I know it’s not very personal but as you said you are short on time and friends and relatives should appreciate this.
Hope you get those RSVPs soon!
We have a month til our RSVP date and I’m still getting so impatient! To echo thoughts above, of course this is only OUR day, other people have lives going on which prevent them from stopping in their tracks and penning a beautiful rsvp the minute an invite pops through the door (love to think they would though!) It is perhaps telling that out of the handful of responses we’ve had so far from friends, they are all couples who’ve married in the last two years or so. They clearly know how important it is!
On the slight tangent of getting parents involved- my Dad has set up a google doc so we can see the names turning green (slowly) when people reply. He is unbelievably proud of this! It is really good to have a central list, too. Will definitely be dividing up the non-replies come 5th March and getting parents to chase. We’ll do friends.
On the subject of etiquette- well, I don’t want to ramble, but I would agree that instant communication is eroding it somewhat! We’ve had several people bypass my parents and just text us to ask about plus ones, which has unfortunately led to some tricky situations already. I guess when people haven’t planned a wedding they have no idea what it takes in terms of planning, budget etc. Thankfully discussion posts like this make us brides-to-be feel less alone! Thanks!x
You poor thing! People are annoying…. I just chased everyone (almost immediately after we sent the invites out!) I am quite forgetful and disorganised myself so I thought it would be helpful for people 😉 Also some people were dithering so I gave them a time limit – i.e if I’ve not heard by x date I’ll need to assume it’s a no… I was pretty honest too and explained we have more people we wanted to invite than we had spaces so if people were a no it was important we knew ASAP so we could invite someone else… all bad etiquette i’m sure but it kept me sane!!!!!!
After reading Hazel Williams comment I felt compelled to post! On the back of every RSVP we sent out I wrote a number, making a note of that number for the corresponding guest the invitation was going out to in our wedding guest database. H2B humours me whilst we do it, but admits that he thinks it is a silly idea and I am ‘over planning’. And what happens? Of course people send back their RSVPs with no name on them – 3 people in fact, one of them was H2Bs dad! I literally can’t describe how smug I felt to cross-reference the little number on the back of the RSVP card with my wedding database!
However so far we haven’t had anyone decline (have had 29/46 RSPVs returned) – which is really starting to worry me as we were ‘encouraged’ (forced – as in he photocopied the invite we sent him) by H2Bs dad to invite 12 more people than we are allowed in our venue. So I just hope the people who don’t RSVP are also the people who aren’t planning to attend!
Great post Annabel! Firstly, I feel the bride’s pain. My family is of Indian origin and it’s generally accepted that people just don’t RSVP and they need to be chased. My other half is English and I just know they his family will swiftly RSVP. This makes me so nervous and I’m already a bit embarrassed that I know there is going to be a guestlist palaver. I think, I will get my family (i.e. mum and sisters) to call people. Some people just don’t understand how much planning goes into a wedding. I don’t think it’s a malicious thing, I think it’s just flippancy. They probably wouldn’t mind getting a phone call as it saves the hassle of actually formally RSVPing.
x
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If this happen to me that my guess don’t reply on my wedding invitation. The first thing I have to do is to follow up I send them an email or I Better call them. I f they were not sure I’ll gave them a deadline.
That link is now private, however, and the official Vevo version has been released. You can see that in the sidebar.
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I think the first thing I have to do is to follow up I send them an email or I Better call them.
I have to say as a mother of the bride the worst part of the wedding planning has been people not responding to shower invites and wedding invites. Very stressful. I’m sure people are just being forgetful but doesn’t help the stress it causes. These are calls I feel uncomfortable making. I will say though after making calls for the wedding shower it seems that people are just forgetful. Sigh
As a wedding planner based in Italy I say we also have the same problem. Many guests just don’t respond, they wait for a phone call, they liked to be “chased”. I personally deal with all the RSVP so bride and groom can chill out without the hassle of having to phone call all the not responding group!
This is very apt considering our RSVP deadline is today! We still have a few people who have not replied but I’m not taking it too personally and we are sending gentle reminders to friends we’ve not heard back from yet. So far we’ve had one person claim not to have received the invite in the first place, a couple who have been using the wrong email address and one friend who is still trying to sort a babysitter and hadn’t realised the deadline was so close. We gave a deliberately early deadline (our wedding is not until September) so that we would have time to chase late responders and re-allocate spots to other people if we had any invites declined.
Our wedding is in just over a month and we still haven’t received any response at all from a couple of people we invited and only received 4 of the lovingly handcrafted RSVP cards that I made back out of 60 invites, but most replied either via text or phone call or on our wedding website and we are just gently reminding people as we go along. We have highly loveable but busy friends (!) who wouldn’t realise that I was hoping for lots of RSVPs in the mail or that the deadline (30th April!) was important so we aren’t taking it personally . Sometimes people wait for a while to reply because they are trying to work out logistics. We sent out Save The Dates over a year ago to try to make it easier and some people who said they were definitely coming then have since pulled out but I think these things are ultimately part and parcel of planning a wedding. we are on final reminders at the moment then will be moving on to invite other guests but at this point we have got in touch with almost everyone and almost have the numbers sorted. Having a buffet style meal helps with not stressing too much about it and I have to say it was a factor in us choosing that as we knew loads of our guests would be rubbish about replying or have work come in at the last minute. If you are finding it stressful then perhaps your bridesmaids or family can help?
I think a lot of people just don’t understand about the importance of RSVPing swiftly, also about the cost involved in accommodating plus ones. We politely said that we weren’t able to accommodate plus ones that we don’t know but quite a few people either assumed or texted us to ask without reading the website, so I then felt really bad about having to say no. The really important people are all coming and That is what matters 🙂
I am waiting on 70 replies, potentially 140 guests. It’s very disheartening. 180-ish guests attending so far, so roughly 90 replies have come in. I know I should focus on the 90 couples who took the time to reply, but it’s hard to not be annoyed at the 70 couples who weren’t bothered 🙁 Lots of phone calls to make.
We’ve sent out 54 invites and 8 havent replied. Only 4 weeks to go. Im not going to bother chasing the 8 non responders. If they cant be bothered to tell me theyre coming and what their menu choices are, then I cant feed them. I wont let this stress me out because at the end of the day, the most important people in our lives have responded and are coming.
It is very rude not to respond to a wedding invitation, and it is inconsiderate to then turn up and expect to find a place at a table.
RUDE! So so SO RUDE! UNIVITE THEM! Midnight tonight is the cut off for my RSVP’s – and I’m SO annoyed with the rudeness of people that haven’t replied that I am taking the tough line of UN-inviting them to my Reception. They can come to the ceremony if they wish (they probably won’t when they hear they have been un-invited!), but sorry (no I’m not really!) they have known about my wedding for 6 months when they got a save the date, and received their invitations a month ago and the wedding is in 6 weeks.
I completely disagree with advice I have read which say “order more food” or “have a few spare seats” – NO! If you can’t RSVP to my wedding and take some self responsibility then you aren’t a good enough friend/ family member to be part of it!
Tough, possibly, but not as tough as it will be for me in 6 weeks looking at and paying for guests at my wedding that obviously don’t think it’s important or special enough to warrant a reply.
I’m going through this right now my wedding is in October I sent my wedding invitations 4 months early gave them 2 months to return. This is the last week for my rsvp deadline. Out of 200 invited guest I have received 27 yes 8 no. I’m really annoyed because we spent so much money and time on the invites. I even sent everyone a stamp for the return and had 2 people say they lost it. I could have saved money and use it for myself. My suggestion do email RSVP! I should have listened to my fiance