Imagine the scene; I'm sat propped up in my bed, my body still early-morning semi-comatosed and cosy warm, a cup of tea on my bedside table (and empty porridge bowl, thank you husband), a canopy of leaves is the view through my bedroom window, all shades of green as the sun filters it's way through the branches – branches that are bobbing up and down in the gentle morning breeze. The familiar and comforting 'coo coooooo cooo' sound of collared doves and other beautiful morning birdsong is my soundscape – punctuated only occasionally by the 'moo' of a cow in a nearby field. My children still sleeping blissfully in the room next door, my husband pottering about making more tea and running himself a bath. I feel rested and peaceful. A bit of a pinch-me moment.
Image Credit: Pinterest
Quite a stark difference from the scene of five days ago when I found myself bedraggled (sans makeup and with three day old hair dragged back from my face in the most untidy of buns) physically holding down my two year old daughter (with the aid of two other nurses – and we struggled!) in a hospital examination room as a Consultant tried to examine her tired, tiny, exhausted little body.
"It is highly likely you'll be required to stay over night…."
Cue frustrated head scratching, bottom lip biting, heavy sighs and sears of mild panic.
"But I'm self employed, I have to work, I can't just drop everything. Um, I mean, yes of course, I realise the health of my daughter is paramount, but, but………"
Gather hastily assembled 'potential' overnight bag back up from the floor. And re-gather it again once after half the poorly packed contents spill out on to the floor. And then my daughter starts screaming. Bag. Daughter. Bag? Daughter? ……..marbles! Where are my marbles?! Someone please come and take this all away, pleeeease, I'm a very busy person, I run my own business and I just can't do this, I've got blog posts to write!
A pretty different kind of scene, hey?
That one night in hospital ended up being three nights. And also, possibly, the very best thing that could have happened to me in a long long while.
I guess that like most other self employed folk, I 'give it my all'. Gone are the days you might have been able to pull a sicky if you weren't feeling quite that brilliant (or mildly hungover – come on, we've all done it). Nope. Once you're self employed, there are no sick days available I'm afraid. And you will still have to work when you're hung over too. Let that be a warning.
Trouble is, 'giving it your all' when it comes to managing your own business means you have little else to give once the work is done. Well, it's never really 'done' is it, but you know what I mean. I had been giving it my all for months. Book launches, weekend after weekend out working to promote and sell my book, train trip and after train trip to spend time networking in London and that's before I've even worked 18 hours each day facing my computer screen, because, I'm simply 'too busy', don't you know.
Too busy, it would appear, to be noticing my life rapidly passing me by as I immersed myself in a world of 'I'VE JUST GOT TO GET THIS DONE!'.
'What day does your eldest daughter do P.E.?'.
More head scratching. My husband boring a hole in between my eyes with his expectant stare….
'Um…. Friday? It's Friday'.
'It's Thursday. What book is she reading right now?'
Silence.
How had I become so disconnected?
As I sat in the (surprisingly comfortable) wooden armchair adjacent to my daughter's hospital bed this week, watching her sleeping peacefully, I felt my heart ache with a sense of how much I loved her and want to protect her and enjoy every little moment of her growing up. In that moment, I chose to reflect on my personal work/life balance. And that's when it hit me. For so long now, my life has has to fit around work. Blog first. Book first. Weekend working. Evening working. No. Time. For. Anything. Else. Ever.
This week however, work simply had to fit around life.
I bloody love my job. I find it fulfilling and rewarding and I would recommend to anyone in an instant to venture in to becoming self-employed. Becoming my own boss has opened up a whole new world of opportunity for me. There is no denying it is one of the best things I ever did in my life. But I did it to enhance my life, not compromise on quality.
Being thrust in to a situation of which I had no control this week took me right out of my comfort zone. But it has also given me the biggest kick up the backside ever. One I have needed in a good long while now. I'm not naive, I know that work will continue to be busy and at times stressful, but I'll be working a little differently from here on. I'll still be as committed as I was to being the best business person I can be, but I'll be fulfilling this commitment as part of a much more balanced lifestyle. Better sleep, better, more effective and efficient use of time. A healthier diet, quality time with my family each evening and at weekends. And, did someone say date night?
Letting your job pervade and take over every aspect of your life is an easy trap to fall in to when you work for yourself and especially when you are so passionate about what you do. My dear husband and friends have been telling me this for months, but I'm one of those people who has this rather annoying filter that often blocks out the advice that those closest to me are trying to pass on.
I believe that being busy can be a good sign! An indication your business is in
demand, but it can also be a not-so-good sign – a sign you aren't coping or
managing your time as efficiently as you could be or looking after yourself. Be the right kind of busy. Please, if you are reading this and feel that it's all getting a bit too much, take a step back and leave the computer alone for today. That one blog post can wait. That invoice can be sent out tomorrow. Work/life balance is vital but especially so if you are self-employed. Sleep well, eat well, live, laugh, love well. Work to live and equip yourself to be able to deal with real life when it threw a curve ball at you – because that's the shit that really matters.
Perspective gained. Factory settings and balance restored.
And my little girl? She's as bright as a button 🙂 It's amazing how quickly little people bounce back. Thank god for amazing NHS staff who looked after us both so well.
I'm off now to finish my tea and porridge and enjoy the precious company of my beautiful little family. And maybe do a little school homework too 😉
Have you learned something new this week?
Have a beautiful day everyone,
Annabel
PS – you can read more of my personal musings and being self-employed/business posts.
PPS – Franky and I have some pretty exciting plans ahead for you all – keep an eye out for some exciting new annoucements being made soon! 🙂
