I painted four near-identical rectangles on the wall, each a subtly different shade of grey. Stepping back to admire my handiwork, I called my husband into the dining room and demanded his opinion. He stared at me blankly.
'Well?’ I said.
‘Errrr… they’re all the same,’ he replied. A look of disapproval flashed involuntarily across my face. ‘Besides,’ he hurriedly continued, ‘I’m not really fussed. Whatever will make you happy.’
This is how most of the key decorating decisions have played out since my family and I moved into our new home four weeks ago.
When I rang Carl from the Ikea showroom in a panic, torn between buying a sofa in either rich charcoal or gorgeous pale grey, he remained unfazed. I, on the other hand, drew up an exhaustive list of pros and cons, dissected each point in depth and weighed up both options carefully. A few days later I spent an entire evening agonising over the merits of gloss paint versus eggshell. I eventually settled on gloss, but after a sleepless night spent regretting my decision, I contacted the supplier and amended my order. Earlier today I read that the average house renovation involves in the region of 15,000 decisions. Heaven help me!
My husband thinks I’m crazy. Perhaps you do too? There are plenty of ‘real’ issues in the world, far more deserving of my concern and attention. People make decisions of much greater importance every day, choices that have serious consequences and impact the lives of thousands of people. I am an intelligent woman, I know these things. I just seem to have a propensity towards indecision.
So sue me.
Source: Pinterest
Maybe it’s not entirely my fault though? The era we live in is
epitomised by an abundance of choice. We celebrate variety. An infinite
array of options has become the norm in every sphere of our lives. As
consumers we expect, if not demand, choice. In turn, the choices we make
have become an integral part of how we define ourselves as individuals,
not to mention the image we present to the rest of the world.
For
me, wedding planning provided numerous opportunities for fraught
decision making. Replace the paint samples with fabric swatches, switch
sofas for shoes and compare my night of decor hesitation to the months I
spent agonising over whether I should wear a veil.
I’d like to think those of you that frequent the pages of Love My Dress
on a regular basis know what weddings are really about. We’ve all heard
the criticism levied at brides, and bloggers, who get hung up on the
details rather than the bigger picture. ‘Love is the thing’ they say.
And they’re right.
But I know that getting hung up on the exact
colour of ribbon used to tie your wedding bouquet isn’t necessarily a
reflection of your views on marriage or what it means. Just as the hours
I’ve spent worrying about window treatments and paint finishes doesn’t
mean I don’t know what really makes a house a home is the people you
share it with.
In many ways, the emphasis we place on these apparently insignificant decisions can actually be understood as an expression of just how much the ‘bigger picture’ means to us. Rightly or wrongly, maybe the choices we make have become part of how we show we care?
When we get hung up on picking one thing over another, seeking out alternatives, narrowing down the options and making those all important decisions, do we run the risk of sucking all the fun out of planning in the process? Were brides better off when there was simply less choice?
What’s been the most difficult decision to make while planning your wedding? Do you think you’ve fallen into the trap of over-thinking every little detail? What are your tactics for dealing with the array of options you face as a consumer?
More importantly, what colour should I paint our dining room?!
Much love,
Franky
I find having 3 kids under 4 is helpful in making fast decisions! Nothing gives you a ‘f**k it that will do’ attidue like only having five minutes peace before the next nappy change/potty incident/sick mopping! I actually wish i had more time to agonise and personalise!
I think there does come a point when you have to step away and decide that it is done. I always tell brides to make sure they hand over any final arrangements to someone they trust at least a couple of days before the wedding to allow them to actually enjoy it. And to be honest how many guests will really appreciate how many hours you spent agonising over lavender or lilac chair sashes?
On reflection, I definitely think I ‘over thunked’ (ha!) my wedding and would rather have had a more relaxed approach to it, but, it is difficult to know when to draw the line, when to step back – for many I guess, we have to become over night events managers and it’s easy to get carried away with wanting it all perfect.
You might think I would say this too, but as there are lots of wedding blogs out there to please all kinds of tastes and sensibilities, I’d recommend sticking to just 1 or 2 to keep you inspired.
Take a breather, don’t become too obsessed, living and breathing it every single minute. Even I try to disengage with social media at the weekends now as everyone needs to ‘stop’ what they love doing on a regular basis or it becomes all consuming and that’s when you become obsessive and your passion risks becoming unhealthy.
Hope this post gives our readers pause for thought Franky XXX
I was totally obsessed with our music playlist when we were planning our wedding. I don’t even want to think about the amount of hours that I spent going over and over it. I started it pretty much the day we got engaged, and 13 months later I finally figured out which song I would walk down the aisle to – a full two weeks before the wedding! I spent much more time on this than any other element of the wedding.
To be fair, I am a total music obsessive and I just couldn’t bear the thought of ANY crap songs being played at my wedding, but I now look back and think was that really worth so many hours of agonising?!
Although, on the plus side, the dance floor was pretty much packed all night. Result.
{raises had} I was another one guilty of over thinking, I was up till midnight fiddling with bits of string for a table plan thing in a kind of crazy haze. My advice is don’t go that far!
I think its fine so long as you’re enjoying the process, which I did, but I think things like ‘the details’ have become a huge pressure to Brides now and for many its become competitive. Not what you need on your wedding day.
I opened a well known Bridal Magazine only last week to see a ‘how to’ place setting where you print of each guests individual name, use a scalpel to cut it out…spray mount to the underside of a glass plate, use etching spray…..you get the picture. Its good to have inspiration and it was nice a nice setting don’t get me wrong but I did laugh, all that went round in my head was what may be going round in many Brides heads after reading that ‘will my little name cards be enough’. Its nice to have hands on things to do but at the same time, perhaps it needs reigning back a bit.
F
Do you think you’ve fallen into the trap of over-thinking every little detail? Oh yes – I do – buth reading this helps so much – I will now take a really deep breath and come calm down – and try to make it more simple. Thank you for writing this 🙂 XXX from a danish reader
You’re very welcome Lika, I’m so glad it was helpful 🙂
Franky xxx
Great example Vicky! Maybe the issue isn’t the details themselves, but the way we get sucked into thinking about them a little too much? If a bride can stay relaxed and make the process enjoyable then perhaps that OK. The minute it stops being fun it’s probably time to step away.
Franky xxx
Oh my goodness! 13 months is a long time to plan a playlist, but it does sound like it paid off in the end!! 🙂
Franky xxx
I can totally relate to this after the spending the last week agonising over paper/ linen/ linen “feel” napkins. To the point where my fiance said “who ever would have thought we’d be stressing about napkins, we should have jus eloped!” This article really helps to put my feelings in to perspective 🙂 thank you x
This is all too familiar. We’re getting married in 3 weeks and haven’t yet sent the ceremony info to the Registrar because we’re agonising over what song or piece of music to play when we’re signing the register. Ridiculous huh? The afternoon and evening playlists are another thing. My other half has only just decided to get involved in the “detail” and has thrown a spanner in the works with decorating the cake. White chocolate curls will work with fruitcake right?! I have to say that planning our wedding has been incredibly stressful, not helped by work at the moment. There are so many decisions to make and so many options out there that it’s pretty overwhelming. We chose a DIY venue so we could personalise everything but now I realise this means twice as much work. I’m at the point that I wish we had eloped but I know on the day everything will be great, so long as I can stop micromanaging!
This is so true, there is so much choice out there and it does end up like a kind of competition, completely relate to this, so glad it’s not just me!
I am having a real panic. I only just got engaged really & thought that there would be lots of choice out there for me but I can’t seem to find what I want! I love wedding blogs & the inspiration but do find myself worrying that mine won’t be cool enough, or won’t look like other peoples. I got panicked yesterday because non of our local Town Halls have steps & I saw a blog post that had steps and wanted my wedding to look the same! I find myself obsessing over what our photographs will look like and will they look good.
I thought it would be fun but so far, and i’ve not even planned/set a date yet, I am just filled with panic & stress!
I agree that many brides do have a tendency to over think their wedding. Yes, it’s their big day and likely the best day of their life and so attention to detail is important.
Having a wedding planner certainly helps, but of course, this option largely depends on your budget.
It’s quite sad that many couples disagree whilst planning the day they’re celebrating their love for one another. It is easy to lose focus of why the big day is happening in the first place.
Get as much help and advice as possible from your girl friends and family and enjoy it as much as possible!
Excellent advice Kate! xx
It is always good to plan everything in advance and specially when it is about wedding, it brings good results. Most of the girls feel nervous and over concerned, which is not wrong. Please feel free to ask for help from your friends and the well wishers.