Up until recently, I was one of those people. You know the ones I mean. Those people who sit back and guffaw at the costs and all-round stresses of weddings. ‘Why bother?!’ ‘Why waste all that time and energy on something that’s gone in the space of a few too many glasses of expensive bubbly?’
Don’t get me wrong, I had been to some beautiful weddings – some of my favourite days and weekends had been spent at weddings – fun, funny, poignant, personal and always with the opportunity to be a lunatic on the dance floor (seriously, what’s not to love?). Regardless, I was always one of the people who said: I’d rather spend that money on a really great holiday.
However, something I’ve learned, in my albeit brief experience as an engaged person, is that a wedding is not just one day. Literally speaking, yes, it is actually a day – I’m not questioning the chronology of the thing (unless, of course, we’re talking an epic Indian wedding – but that’s just a whole new category) – what I mean is, the experience of a wedding is so much more than that one day itself.
It’s love.
It’s dreamy conversations in bed about fantastical bar set-ups and delicious pie flavours; days out with your best gal pals simultaneously ogling gowns while demolishing complimentary flutes of Bucks Fizz (and being forced to wear a scarf over your made-up face in a tiny change-room to protect the hideously-ill-fitting-off-the-rack-gown-you-thought-you-could-get-away-with-given-it’s-a-10th-of-the-price-of-everything-else, though, that’s perhaps a uniquely personal experience?!).
It’s teaching yourself graphic design and floristry and the insanely unsubtle art of table-planning. It’s hours/days/weeks/months spent pouring over Pinterest and Instagram. It’s Facebook conversations with family you wish you spoke to more often; crushing on awesome suppliers who are building their dream businesses and excited FaceTime catch-ups with your mother after she’s snaffled yet another vintage butter-dish for your table settings. It’s waking up at 4am to embark on a transnational booze run (and convincing your father-in-law to clear the garage space required post-transnational booze run); it’s forcing yourself to keep some things secret and it’s almost certainly the most intensely creative/delightful/frustrating/overwhelming hobby you will ever have.
I’d be lying if I said that I wasn’t now painfully aware of some of the hyper-inflated pricing and irritating bullshit within the wedding industry. There are times it seems like everyone is out to get you (and sometimes, they probably are) and times, it seems you are expected to pay three times the price for a service that’s about as flexible as a wooden leg. The good news? You don’t have to buy into any of this, not for a second. If you take your time you will find the right suppliers, the ones with whom the conversation just flows, the ones who really care and who you kind of want to invite along for the party (and probably will).
Yes, weddings are expensive; feeding, housing and entertaining 100+ people (even 20+) over the course of 10 hours is going to be expensive (just ask my sister-in-law the price of feeding, housing and entertaining 4 children over this time period). For us, the trick has been remaining authentic to ourselves as a couple and keeping our priorities in focus. We worked out our negotiables and non-negotiables and, despite some moments of weakness, we’ve stuck to them.
At every step we’ve asked: ‘Are we doing this just because we think we should?’ followed by: ‘Is there another way we could think about this?’. Sure, the results so far have been…
- A self-designed website in lieu of printed wedding invitations;
- A pie, chips and gravy cake from ASDA; and
- Some battery operated Christmas lights…
…but, stick with us, it will all come together in the end… (we hope). While I knew the memories would last a lifetime, I was completely ignorant to the utter joy in (just about) every moment of the planning/researching/dreaming/budgeting/negotiating/sharing/crafting/designing/creating too.
I’ve had some cracking holidays in my time, but a wedding? Now, that is an adventure.
Hayley x
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Our lovely blog reader Hayley of ‘Love is in the Detail’ has contributed to our ‘From The Heart’ feature – a new weekly Sunday spot on the blog where we hand the blog back over to our readers to write about all matters of love and life. Hayely has now tied the knot and you can see some of her beautiful wedding photographs below. You can also find Hayley on Instagram.
If you would like to contribute a From The Heart piece, we would dearly love to hear from you. It doesn’t matter what it’s about and it doesn’t have to be related to weddings at all – we’re looking for honest, authentic, personal, sad, happy, family, relationship, marriage, health, light-hearted, serious, baby, trying for baby, children, career, simple, complicated – real life issues. We just need you to write from your heart. Keep it upbeat and witty, or share your thoughts anonymously on a more challenging or emotional subject. Please drop me a line at [email protected]. Love Annabel x