Falling Out Of Love With Your Wedding

Good afternoon fellow Love My Dress readers – I’m excited to be back with my features contributor hat on and sharing the latest in my wedding planning series. Last time I was here I was talking about the pressure of having ‘the perfect day’ and today’s feature promises to be just as meaty and conversational.

That’s because today’s topic is something that’s rarely discussed in the wedding world and quite frankly it’s harder to talk about than money and budgets and much more difficult to confront than guest list and family issues. Right here, right now I’m talking about the very real prospect of falling out of love with your wedding.

Now before we start, let’s just be clear with what I mean.  I don’t mean that you’re falling out of love with the wedding itself, the thought of being married and definitely not with your partner.  You still want to be married, and you’re probably still super excited about the prospect of your wedding day but when it comes to your wedding plans, you’re just not feeling it any more.  This is a definite downer and it can make you feel pretty wretched… how do I know, well that’s because I’ve absolutely been there and felt how you may potentially be feeling as well.

Images by Lucy Davenport

When you’re planning your wedding to the person you love, you should be on cloud 9 all the time, right?

Well, that’s just plain wrong.

Falling out of love with your wedding and your wedding plans is something that everyone experiences, to a greater or lesser degree, during the build up to the big day.  There are so many reasons for this (and we’ll look into these in a moment) but the most important thing to know is a) you’re not alone and b) you can get past this.

So, now’s the moment, if you’ve felt this creeping feeling of unhappiness about your wedding plans, to admit that yes, you’re falling out of love with your wedding.

Does that feel better?  Even admitting this to yourself can be an instant moment of relief.  Planning a wedding can be tough, it can be stressful and it’s not all cake tasting, dress shopping and champagne quaffing, particularly during longer engagements.  It’s absolutely okay to admit that you’re not loving the experience and that you’re falling out of love with your plans.  It’s natural to have wobbles, it’s natural to doubt your choices and it’s definitely natural to want to cry, scream or just escape from it all for a while.

But, because I’m a practical, problem solving Virgo, let’s look at getting you back on track, shall we?  If you’ve fallen, or are falling, out of love with your wedding plans, it’s time to take action.

The first thing I’m going to tell you to do might seem a little hard but trust me when I tell you it’s for your own good.  You need to TAKE SOME TIME OUT…

Yes, you need to STEP AWAY from the wedding planning for a little while.  When you’re feeling like this, trying to carry on regardless is never going to make you feel better.  You’re not in a position to make good decisions or enjoy any of the things that are on your list.  In fact, trying to plough on is only going to make you feel worse so STOP RIGHT NOW!

And I mean stop it all.  Remove any wedding apps from your phone, stop looking at wedding blogs and even give yourself a social media detox for a little while.  You don’t need to be bombarded with more images of weddings that look gorgeous, perfect, romantic and altogether idyllic when you’re feeling like this.  It might feel hard to step away, but this is the best remedy I know, and I can promise you that it’s only temporary whilst you get your wedding mojo back.

When you’re ready (and only when you’re ready!), it’s time to be honest with yourself.  Now is not the time to paper over the cracks and pretend that everything is ok.  Now is your opportunity to take stock and make sure that you get the wedding you’re really going to love, and brutal honesty is the only way forward.

So, think specifically and critically about the elements that you’ve fallen out of love with and ask yourself three vital questions:

• Why have you fallen out of love with this element of your wedding?
• Can you rectify or amend this so that you love it again?
• Do you actually still want this to be part of your wedding?

Armed with that information, you should be able to move forward.  If you’re not totally sure on any of these points, get a second opinion from someone you really trust.  However, don’t get multiple opinions – your wedding should never be organised by committee, but I totally get that sometimes, you just need to run through your thoughts with someone else, so do that if it helps.  You know who’ll always be on your side and give you sensible advice without imposing their agenda on you so that’s the person that you need right now.

Depending on the answers to the second and third questions above, you might well need to talk to your suppliers too.  All wedding suppliers just want their clients to be happy so if you need to make adjustments, they’ll do everything they can to help.  As always, open, honest and timely communication is absolutely essential.

With these things done, you should be back on track.  Ease yourself gently back into wedding planning, be more critical about your decisions and don’t be afraid to reflect and adapt if needs be.  It’s far better to admit that something’s not right before the big day than feel it forever afterwards.

Of course, the ideal scenario is that you don’t fall out of love with your wedding in the first place!  If you’d prefer to avoid this feeling altogether, then here’s my advice:

Don’t try and do everything at once. Wedding planning is a marathon, not a sprint, so create a manageable and realistic planning timeline, take your time and don’t rush into decisions.  The old saying about marrying in haste and repenting at leisure applies more to planning than anything else!  If you can lessen the pressure, you’ll have a much happier time.

• If you think a certain element of the planning process is going to send you into a slight fug or if planning just isn’t your thing, then why not consider hiring a wedding planner and / or stylist? If your budget allows, then you could hire a wedding planner to support you with all of your preparations and if it doesn’t, then how about looking into planners that provide partial or even hourly support services?
• Remember that preparation prevents panics! Do your groundwork – research suppliers and products and take some time to decide on your style, vibe and overall visions for your wedding. Being consistent and having clear ground rules that you can refer back to will make things so much easier for you.
• Once you’ve made a decision, MOVE ON. Because you’ll have done your research and taken your time over decisions, the decisions that you make should ultimately be the right ones for you.  Constantly asking yourself, ‘Have I done the right thing?’ will slowly drive you mad and make you very unhappy.  So, when there’s a tick on the to do list, you’re done!
• Factor in LOTS of wedmin breaks and time to switch off. Wedding planning shouldn’t, and absolutely doesn’t need to take up all of your spare time.  In fact, what really needs to take up your spare time is your life.  Date nights, girls’ nights, sports (BODYCOMBAT (and wine!) are the quickest ways to get me out of any wedding planning fug), holidays and just rest, downtime and sleep are so important for your relationship and overall mental and physical wellbeing.  Cutting these things out is never going to make you happy.
• Be wary of wedding DIY. I’m not going to tell you to ditch all of your crafting plans, but I will sound a note of caution.  DIY is one of the most common causes of falling out of love with your wedding.  It creates more work, it piles more pressure onto you and you can start to resent or question all of the ideas you’ve had and decisions you’ve made.  If you’re going to craft, give yourself plenty of time, maybe go for projects that aren’t absolutely crucial to your wedding and be absolutely sure you want to include whatever you’re making.
• Lastly, be confident in your decisions. You know you.  You know what you like and what you want. If you’ve done your research and something fits with your vision and with your budget, then absolutely go for it.  Don’t discuss everything with everyone because you just know someone will make a comment that sticks with you.  Instead, be confident in your wedding and most of all, LOVE everything about it.

And there we have it, how to stay in love with your wedding.

I hope that you’re feeling strong, capable and totally confident now… so go forth and plan!  I’ll be back again soon and, in the meantime, enjoy planning your brilliant wedding.

Love, Kat x

 

Katrina is a national award-winning wedding planner who specialises in timeless British luxury weddings.  Katrina is a regular contributor to Love My Dress, the resident wedding planner for Coco Wedding Venues and co-founder of Coco & Kat, a creative house for the wedding industry.