The Power of Ritual in Modern Weddings

Rituals remain of importance to weddings because they provide moments of connection, both between the couple and between the nearlyweds and their guests.

As a professional wedding celebrant, I love combining multiple types of communication in my ceremonies, including verbal, visual, movement and sound. I do this because I know each wedding guest has their own preferred way to receive information, so when I include rituals in ceremonies, I’m communicating using more than just words. This contributes to the psychology behind why rituals work so well in weddings; actions, visuals and symbolism make my overall message resonate more powerfully with couples and guests, enhancing their experiences and the emotion of the moment.

Handfasting – photography by Lily North

Most couples want to convey the strength of their love for each other during their wedding ceremony, but they don’t always know how to express this using words. Symbolic actions give expression to their feelings and permission to share emotions without feeling self-conscious or embarrassed. They tell the story of their love visually, through actions.

Many rituals give couples the chance to honour not just each other, but their community of loved ones. Involving guests in symbolic rituals emphasises that they’re an essential part of celebrating your marriage, and shows gratitude for their support over the years.

As well as being powerful moments that communicate how couples feel about their relationship, rituals can provide moments of lightness and joy. This often translates to powerful wedding photos, and photographers love capturing the action of a handfasting or the emotion of secret personalised wedding vows being shared! Structuring my wedding ceremonies around these special moments results in wedding ceremonies that live on forever in people’s memories.

I often start wedding ceremonies with a community ritual, such as a ring warming, involving guests and emphasising their importance to the couple. In a ring warming ceremony, wedding rings are passed between the guests and they are invited to silently send the nearlyweds their good wishes. By the time the rings arrive at the front, they are warmed from the touch of many hands and symbolically ‘warmed’ with well wishes too!

Group vows are a simple way of involving guests in the wedding vows. Before the ceremony starts, I usually prime the guests to participate, telling them to listen out for the group vow and giving them a chance to practise, for example, ‘Do you promise to support Martha and Ollie in their marriage, surrounding them in love and friendship?’ to which they respond loudly, ‘We do!’ Giving guests the chance to participate makes them more invested in the ceremony, increasing their enjoyment and making the wedding a shared experience, not something they merely sat and watched.

ring warming during a wedding ceremony, Rachel Burt Photography

Handfasting draws upon a Celtic tradition, and is now used by modern couples to communicate both the bond between them and the bond being forged between their families.

While the couple holds hands, cords, ribbons or pieces of fabric are draped over their arms either by the celebrant or by family members and loved ones. This ritual has endless scope for personalisation, both in the choice of cords and words, and in the way the celebrant fastens the knot. I love this ritual because it is a very visual way of symbolising the moment of transformation in the wedding ceremony, and the bond being created between two people. It also makes for great photos!

Photos: Nicola and Mark’s Swinton Estate elopement, photographed by Lily North

The lighting of unity candles is a beautiful way to bring a moment of solemnity to the wedding ceremony. Each partner uses a small taper to simultaneously light a larger candle, while the celebrant reflects on the combining of their lives and their shared actions. This can be an especially powerful ritual if the couple have older children or a blended family, who can be involved in lighting the candle, or when a moment of remembrance for deceased loved ones is incorporated into the ritual.

Leanne + Rich’s Lineham Farm unity candle, photographed by Megan Yearsby

Writing personal wedding vows is something I encourage all my couples to do, as it allows them to share with each other why they are choosing to marry and what they love about this person – it’s the absolute highpoint of the ceremony when done well! I support my couples in writing their wedding vows, allowing them to feel their most erudite and confident while still sounding and feeling true to themselves. Most couples choose to read these vows to each other on their wedding day, creating an emotional and powerful surprise for each other.

Photos: Tasha and Raef exchanging wedding vows at Gray’s Court, captured by Amy Faith Photography

Not everybody feels confident sharing such intimate thoughts however, and for these couples I recommend a wine box ceremony. Before the ceremony, each partner writes a letter telling the other person how they feel about them, their hopes for their marriage and their excitement about what they are about to do.

During the ceremony, the letters are sealed into a wine box with a bottle of good red wine with the announcement that they will be opened on their fifth wedding anniversary. This is an especially fun ceremony to do with anyone who works with tools or has a penchant for DIY as they can bring their own hammer!

Abi and Jack’s wine box ceremony, Eden Barn, captured by James Hicks Photography

Humanist wedding ceremonies have space to celebrate every aspect of who you are, and this includes your cultural heritage.

At Jen and Phil’s Harrogate Sun Pavilion wedding, they honoured Phil’s Greek background by incorporating a stefana (crown) ceremony. As their best man placed the crowns on their heads, symbolising them becoming the king and queen of their home, I shared three traditional blessings.

Photos: Jen and Phil’s stefana ceremony, Harrogate Sun Pavilion, captured by Claire McClean

Traditionally a Chinese tea ceremony takes place after the ceremony, with the couple serving their parents, relatives and honoured guests tea, thanking them for their support and asking for their blessings. Tasha and Raef adapted the ceremony to combine not only Tasha’s Chinese heritage, but also the English tradition of afternoon tea.

Tasha + Raef’s Chinese tea ceremony, Gray’s Court, by Amy Faith

‘All traditions were new once’ – bearing this in mind, can we invent a ritual just for you? Is there an idiosyncratic aspect of your relationship that could be transformed into a light hearted yet symbolic moment? Some couples choose to perform a shared task in their wedding, such as mixing a cocktail or creating their own tea blend or spice mix, or even a physical challenge like sawing through a log together!

An experienced celebrant can take a simple action and transform it into a shared moment that’s packed with symbolism and meaning.

If you’ve ever attended a wedding where the couple looked awkward during the wedding rituals, you’ll understand how important this element is! If a couple feels uncomfortable, is saying words that feel untrue or that don’t represent their unique love, then the ritual will fall flat. Worse still is when couples are unable to enter into the spirit of the ritual, perhaps because they’re going along with a religious tradition they don’t really believe in.

As an experienced celebrant, I work closely to get to know my couples, so I can understand their needs and craft a ceremony that allows them to be comfortable, relaxed and fully present. And most of all, allows them and their guests to have fun!

Including rituals in your wedding does result in incredible and memorable photographs that you’ll treasure, and yet symbolic actions are not just a great photo moment. They create powerful and lasting memories, amplifying your feelings and creating powerful emotions for both couples and guests.

They can also result in beautiful rituals to continue in years to come, giving you a moment to reconnect with your wedding day and everything you and your partner felt. Whether you’re opening a wine box on your anniversary, passing on a treasured wedding accessory to your own children, re-reading your wedding vows, watching the growth of a tree you planted together or re-lighting a unity candle on anniversaries, wedding rituals live on in our minds and our homes long beyond the wedding day.

Modern weddings may be less religious, but their use of ritual is no less intentional or powerful. Symbolic actions allow couples to express love, commitment and identity in a way that’s deeply personal and profoundly human.

As a professional Humanist celebrant I love guiding my couples in choosing the wedding rituals that are right for them, explaining their significance to guests, and witnessing their powerful creation of lasting memories.