Nick and I are now, effectively, about a month away from our wedding. Invitations have long since been delivered and RSVPs are slowly rolling in. Days and weeks and months have evaporated in the blink of an eye, and I’m staring down the barrel of a wedding that seems like it’s still scattered in metaphorical pieces on the metaphorical floor.
I’m almost done being a fiancé, which is both elating and a bit nerve-wracking, because I’d love to say, “Great news, guys, everything is 100% sorted out and I can now spend the next month getting massages and spa treatments!”
The truth, though, is that there is still much, much to do.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned about wedding planning over the past year-and-change, it’s that progress comes in abrupt bursts, separated by long periods of seeming inactivity. It can sometimes feel like months pass with nary a line item completed- and then suddenly, in the space of a week, you’re just crossing stuff off the list left and right. But during those slow-moving periods, it can be easy to feel like you’re doing absolutely NOTHING.
If you’re creating a lot of the parts of your wedding yourself, this can be a particularly insidious mindset. Chances are, if you’re 40 days, give or take, from your wedding like I am, you’ve long since done all your hiring and non-DIY purchases, and all you’re left with to do are the things you have to do with your own two little hardworking hands. It’s exhausting, both creatively and physically, and it can feel like ages and ages before anything is “done.” All you really want to do is lay prostrate on the sofa with an IV of wine or ice cream, but the little wedding devil on your shoulder is goading you to pick up the scissors and just do one more hand-crafted favor or three more place cards or a bit more dyeing. And as you work, you might start to wonder why it is that all these things that you thought would be great fun are starting to feel more akin to weekend chores.
Overall, my projects have been things I’ve been passionate about- but even so, it’s only natural that to tire of something after working on it for what seems like an eternity, regardless of how delightful one might find the process at the start. The making of my dress is a fantastic example- it’s something that I spent literally years anticipating, and months and months actually designing and sewing. There were several times throughout those months that I just got sick of looking at it. I would start to question every decision I made in regards to its design, working myself into a tizzy by convincing myself I had chosen the wrong silhouette or color or detail.
Luckily, I’ve been working in creative fields long enough to know that when that begins to happen, it’s time to put the project away for a while. This is true across the board, whether it’s a dress or a ceremony backdrop. When you take it out again in a week or a month or three months, 90% of the time, you’ll fall in love with it all over, and the joy you find in the process will be back.
In the meantime, just shift your focus. Find those projects that are easy and quick, and balance those with your big-ticket projects that will, by their very nature, drag on for long stretches. Knocking a few of the smaller projects out is just as satisfying as a major item. For me, paper flowers fit the bill. They’re fun, quick to make, and beautiful. The ideal distraction project can be completed in the space of a weekday evening, preferably accompanied by takeout. With paper flowers, I can work on them for 20 minutes or make a whole Saturday out of it with my bridesmaids.
Another option to combat wedding fatigue is to simply not work on wedding stuff. Do something else that makes you happy. Anything else. If a wedding project doesn’t get done, well, then it just doesn’t get done. We’re still getting married, whether I torture myself all the way to the finish line or not. And despite all the time and effort that has gone into the wedding so far, I know that it doesn’t define me or Nick or our relationship. So when I’m particularly hating the planning/making process, I just don’t do it. You are not your wedding, I tell myself, even though it can definitely feel like it during these final stretches. I repeat it until I believe it.
So, as a final thought, for both my fellow brides and as a reminder to myself:
You’re almost there. Enjoy the ride. Only do what you want to do, and not a lick more. Really. Because you’re the bride. And you’re the boss.
Kasia x
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Kasia Wisniewski, age 27
Wedding Date: 27th June 2015
Wedding Location: New York
Find Kasia at: veiled-threat.com, Instagram, Pinterest
You can read all Kasia’s ‘Lovettes’ blog features for Love My Dress here, including details about her wedding in this feature.
All photos Kasia Wisniewski and Nick Foley.
