A friend dropped me a link to this feature last week. ‘It made me giggle!’ she said. My curiosity piqued, I clicked the link and landed up on the Guardian Newspaper website, and a feature entitled ‘Something borrowed: the rise of the identikit wedding.’
My first reaction of feigned surprise (‘No way! A media feature taking a stab at weddings!) and half-arsed eye-roll was actually followed by a giggle or two. At just a couple of lines in, in fact; “I have been sucked into the terrifying, pastel-hued vortex that is the world of the online wedding blog.” I had to smile. Clearly, the author had yet the pleasure of visiting Love My Dress 😉
But reading the rest of the feature left me feeling mildly irritated.
Why is it that weddings and brides in general get such a crap deal from the general media? Seriously, why? Because to me, it seems that unless you’re a celebrity, or member of the aristocracy, or maybe a Princess, then media/newspaper coverage of weddings is generally incredibly rubbish. The nuptials of us common folk make rich pickings for a good old bit of British piss-taking. What TV programmes are there that offer a really fresh, cool, interesting perspective of weddings? Or that shine a spotlight on the magnificent talent and creativity that is the wedding industry?
All I can think of is ‘Don’t Tell The Bride’, My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding and All Hail The Veil – a programme that provided a completely warped view of the act of finding and falling in love with a wedding dress, whose saving grace was the delightful Russell of Blackburn Bridal – a man with an innate ability to make women of all body shapes and size look and feel amazing on their wedding day.
Piss-taking is good, we do have a sense of humour and know how to laugh at ourselves. But what upsets me is that major media platforms only ever seem to loan space to lazy journalism with nothing better to do than have a stab at brides and their identikit weddings, or who are swift to make sweeping statements about how inescapably naff weddings are and how trashy an experience bridal boutiques offer.
Wedding bashing just isn’t cool. It’s boring, dull and unimaginative.
“How can your day truly represent the two of you when it is little more than a series of carefully curated conceits nicked from someone else’s Instagram?” (source: The Guardian)
It’s called ‘being inspired’. I couldn’t do my job if that concept didn’t exist. Our readers visit Love My Dress to seek inspiration and ideas. It’s part of a creative process – an experience that is pleasurable for most brides planning a wedding, and certainly the majority of them who visit this blog. This part of planning a wedding is something you are entitled to enjoy. You are as equally entitled to feel proud of the fruits of all your wedding planning/DIY’ing/crafting labours, even if many before you have pulled off something aesthetically similar.
Those people were/are not marrying your fiance, they don’t have your friends or family or life experience or personality or dreams or emotions – or any of those things that bring the uniqueness to any wedding. These facets of your wedding and personal layers of ‘you’ will combine to create unique memories, visions that will be peppered with images of all the lovely things you did/made/created/bought/hired to make your day look pretty. That’s all you need to know.
American film director Jim Jarmusch had the right idea…
Nothing is original. Steal from anywhere that resonates with inspiration or fuels your imagination. Devour old films, new films, music, books, paintings, photographs, poems, dreams, random conversations, architecture, bridges, street signs, trees, clouds, bodies of water, light and shadows. Select only things to steal from that speak directly to your soul. If you do this, your work (and theft) will be authentic. Authenticity is invaluable; originality is non-existent. And don’t bother concealing your thievery – celebrate it if you feel like it. In any case, always remember what Jean-Luc Godard said: “It’s not where you take things from – it’s where you take them to.
The man speaks absolute sense. Bookmark this feature and read the words above should your eyes ever accidentally fall upon another lazy wedding feature.
“It has slowly dawned on me that, no matter how hard I might try to make my own wedding different, it will probably end up being exactly the same as everyone else’s. The only question is, which one of the trending types will it be? Here are 10 weddings you’ve certainly got in your diary this summer.” (source: The Guardian)
Basically, skim over any feature that includes the word ‘trend’. It’s been written purely as a headline grabber to lure you in and secure that all important extra page click. Unless you’re a complete fashion addict and wanting to make a very obvious style/fashion design statement on your wedding day – trends aren’t important when planning a wedding at all. Bloggers, magazine editors and people who earn a shed load of money trend forecasting (like the folks over at WGSN do) will use the term ‘trend’ and a host of subliminal marketing techniques to convince you that you need something. Forget that – just focus on what you love and like – shapes, colours, tastes, flavours, scents, locations – when you’re working through all of these things as you plan your wedding, take note of how they make you feel inside. If they make your heart leap, if they provide a sense of joy and excitement and delight, then you’re on the right track. That’s all I really have to say about trends.
To touch briefly on the matter of wedding expense; “I can’t help but be alarmed that not only does the average British wedding cost a preposterous £20,500” (source: The Guardian)
I don’t know where this figure was sourced, but I thought you might be interested to know that we have our own spending data back now from the extensive reader survey we undertook last month, to which thousands of you responded:-
27% of our survey respondents spent between £7,500 and £12,500 on their wedding.
20.4% spent between £12,500 and £17,500.
In comparison, only 15.5% spent between £17,500 and £22,500.
Rather more interestingly, 19.7% spent less than £7,500!
Data aside, weddings are generally an expensive event to organise and we explain why in this honest and comprehensive feature on Love My Dress. There are many, many ways you can keep the costs down if you want to, we’ll be sharing some of the hundreds of suggestions that have come through our reader survey with you soon. But the press and media need to also recognise that for many brides, spending on their wedding is something they very much want to do. And, so what? People ought stop being so judgemental and get over it. Whose business is it what anyone spends on their wedding? It’s so boring that the same old £20k figure keeps on getting raked up and sensationalised.
Finally, a rather lengthy discussion about the ‘Identikit wedding‘ feature took place this week in our private Facebook page (we have one of those for brides and newlyweds only – and if you are either of these, please join us as we’d love your company!), so to end this piece, I thought I’d share some of the comments. I hope they make you giggle for all the right reasons 🙂
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“‘Wedding bashers’ in the media need to get over themselves and cheer up. Miserable woman. I wonder how her married or engaged friends feel about this. A wedding is always unique because of the two people getting married. End of.”
“‘I got engaged recently, for my sins’. Did he force the ring on your finger?!”
“Well she sounds delighted to be engaged… she didn’t mention, in her feminist statement, that she had the option of saying ‘no’ when he popped the question…”
“I think it is great when weddings are inspired by other people’s bits and pieces, that’s why I love Love My Dress so much!”
“There is only ONE kind of wedding… one where two people declare that they love each other above all others and will spend the rest of their lives trying to be the best they can for one another. Pieces like this that get wrapped up in criticising us for wanting to share this in the best way we know how with our nearest and dearest are just missing the point.
“Frankly, I don’t see what her issue is. Of *course* weddings will resemble each other. I say be thankful that someone came before you…at least you aren’t the first person to make a tissue paper pompom: that person had to figure out how to craft those damn things from thin air ? Weddings are a celebration of love. Proudly do whatever the hell you want, even if a few other people have done the same.”
“I would say if anything weddings have become more unique as time goes on – with social media and international travel and the world generally becoming a more open place, people who would otherwise let their parents tell them what they did and do the same?! I know I probably would! I understand what the writer is getting at, however I’m assuming she also has all her clothes made just for her and never buys anything from the high street? I do think that now that digital is king, these writers just want people to click and to comment but it is an easy, cheap shot at people who are putting money and effort into creating their vision of a wedding day.”
“She needs to join this group, we’ve had a bumper crop of stunning wedding photos in the last couple of days and they’ve all been completely unique and wonderful!”
“She is right in that there are some themes more popular than others at the moment. I believe that is called fashion. It has always happened. War brides made dresses from net curtains and had quickie celebrations before their husbands went back to war. 80s brides had massive dresses with ruffles, bows and leg o mutton sleeves and yellow, stiff bouquets in a tear drop shape. They celebrated in hotel function rooms, served vol-au-vents and danced to The Nolans. Based on my daily Love My Dress readings I’d say that there are soooooo many different styles of wedding I’m always blown away. And the range of dresses surely has never been greater?! While some days have a similar theme I think social media has enabled us all to get more creative than any 90s bride did (as a 1999 and a 2014 bride I’m speaking from experience!) I’d say my 90s wedding was a lot more wedding carbon copy than my recent one – all thanks to Love My Dress!”
“Sure, she makes valid observations but in a rude way really – probably her intention, but I think when most couples put so much thought & effort & pleasure into their wedding, it’d be nicer to be more respectful.”
“I read this at the weekend and tried to take it with a pinch of salt and just see it as a bit of fun. My OH and I had a laugh about the bits we’re using for our wedding. I didn’t want to let it get to me but at the same time I thought it had a really nasty undertone to it which is just so unnecessary! Why be so mean about what is supposed to be a happy occasion for all concerned? And it’s ridiculous to expect all weddings to be completely unique. Most weddings contain at least an element of tradition, and as we are not all professional event planners I don’t think it’s reasonable to expect all brides to come up with a completely new, alternative “wedding concept” every single time. And I’m quite sure that if we did somehow manage to do this, someone would write an article about how ridiculous it is that people have started planning gimmicky weddings on submarines or spaceships or water slides etc. You can’t win when people are determined to piss on your fireworks!”
“I can’t be doing with wedding bashing like this it’s lazy, unimaginative journalism and it rears its head every summer when the wedding ‘season’ (although we all know any time of year is wedding season at Love My Dress Towers) comes around. Just do what you want and don’t criticise or laugh at others- not too much to ask surely?”
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Ignore the wedding bashers in the mainstream media – journalists are being paid to write that dross. They are experts in creating provocative content that creates conflict and division – that also generates site clicks and profit – via you! Don’t rise to it. Get back to the important job of enjoying planning your beautiful, unique weddings and life celebrations.
Annabel x
PS – Note my avoidance of the term ‘bridezilla’ (wince). Even when writing a piece about journalists who criticise the wedding industry and brides, I can’t even bring myself….
PPS – for the record, some of the most savvy, brilliant business women I know run bridal boutiques. They are feminists, lovers of women who delight in assisting ladies of all class, background, size, skin colour and body shape find a dress that will boost their confidence levels into the stratosphere on their wedding day. I’m very proud to support them.
