In part 4 of our series 'Notes On A Wedding',
Emma Woodhouse, the fabulous Wedding Reporter asks us to remember to acknowledge the groom on your wedding day. He has a pretty important role to play afterall, right?
Almost every single groom’s
speech I’ve heard has included a tribute to the bride’s hard work in planning
every tiny detail of the day. Those same speeches usually also include a joke
about their mild surprise to have turned up at such a lovely wedding, given
that they knew very little of what was planned.
I remember being baffled
when wedding suppliers would defer to my future husband when it came to
discussing money, even though I was the one who had researched and sourced them
and he was merely there because I’d told him he had to be! It felt like because
he was the man, it was presumed he would be making the decisions and this is an
assumption that generally seems to be the case throughout life.
Put a smile back on his face why don'tcha?
Source: Ruffled Blog
However, come the wedding
day and all of a sudden the chap seems to fade into the background as the bride
takes the starring role. Everyone tells her
how great she looks, what a fabulous job she’s
done and how thankful they are to share her
special day. The groom looks on from the sidelines, somewhat in awe of the
bridal beauty before him. It’s almost like an entire role reversal.
For the most part, the
generalisation that men aren’t that interested in the finer parts of wedding
planning is true. But remember that guy who surprised you with a glittering
ring and asked you to spend the rest of your life with him? That guy also needs
to be equally represented on your wedding day.
Now listen, I know what
you’re going to say and you’re right: many grooms are really happy to
relinquish the planning details to their fiancées. Many of them would simply
suck at trying to decide on flowers and legions more would rather pull their
own teeth out than make garlands of bunting. That’s fine (and you mustn’t get
angry with them about it either) but you also need to ensure you don’t exclude
the influence of their personalities in your plans.
I’m just going to say this
as simply as I can: no man looks good amidst a fairytale pink theme. Hot pink
cravats are the work of the devil and covering your wedding venue in feathers
and crystals is going to do your future husband’s masculinity no favours at
all. More importantly though, it screams of a bride gone power mad who has
neglected to take into account any of her partner’s interests or desires. It
makes me a little bit sad to see weddings that have been created out of only
one person’s dreams.
So here’s the part where I
want to tell you to encourage whatever input your groom does want to have, be
that sitting through band auditions, copious caterer tasting sessions or plans
for a cake in the shape of the Super Mario Brothers. Football based table plans
are a step too far in the other direction, I agree, but ask him for music
choices and vow preferences and don’t ever presume on his behalf to know what
A few other things to
Grooms don’t tend to spend as much time reading blogs, forums and reports from newlyweds, so they’re not going to be as mentally or logistically as prepared as their brides. You may want to brief them in advance as to what to expect.
No man has ever heard of – let alone worn - a buttonhole before the morning of his wedding. For the love of all photos everywhere that show men with flowers pinned upside down to their lapels, sagging or generally mismanaged, please get your florist/mother/trusted green-fingered friend to either show him how to affix his buttonhole or carry out the task themselves.
Make regular planning dates in the run up to your wedding. This doesn’t have to be with spreadsheets and seating plans laid out between you on the dining table like a war counsel (though that will have to happen eventually); take yourselves out for dinner instead and discuss what you’ve achieved, what needs to be done next, who is responsible for it and, most importantly of all, how you feel about it. It’s ok to be excited, to be frustrated, to be exhausted or to be a bit bored of it all, but talking to each other about it will stop you going slightly mad.
A marriage is for life, not
just for the wedding day, so make sure both people in that partnership are
equally represented and appreciated as you celebrate the beginning of the rest
of your lives together.
Emma is the talented business woman and wordsmith behind The Wedding Reporter,
a unique new concept in the bridal industry that offers a couture
service to discerning brides and grooms who would like a literary
legacy of their day. You can read more from Emma on her blog and keep up to date with all her wedding related adventures on Facebook and Twitter.