From The Heart: Why does no one warn you about the post wedding blues?

post wedding blues

I was determined – totally and utterly determined. I was not going to be a bride that obsessed over her wedding, spoke all the time about every little detail – and certainly not one who considered the wedding day the best day of her life. Ever since my uni days, when a wise professor said to our all girl seminar group, “don’t ever think your wedding day is the best day of your life, because you’re condemning every other day after that to never live up to it” – I took heed.

I knew that my wedding day would be fabulous, but what I was really looking forward to was the adventure of marriage after the wedding. I’d found ‘the one’ and now we were moving forward as a team to tackle and celebrate life together. The wedding was never the be all and end all.

In fact, right up until the day before the wedding, I saw the day itself as the culmination of our hard work, intricate organisation and the start of many more exciting days ahead. And it really was; it was special in every way possible. Perfect? No. Perfectly imperfect? Yes indeed. A true reflection of us as a couple full of joy and love.

So why, less than 24 hours after getting married, was my expected happiness and relief of starting our married journey, replaced by sadness, loss, even, dare I say, a touch of depression? Why did I feel like I had landed back on earth with a bump? And why had nobody warned me about the post wedding blues?Why does no one warn you about the post wedding blues?

Dragging my feet around and staring limply at a cold cup of tea was never my style, but every time I tried to do anything I had a gut wrenching ache that I wanted to turn back time and do it all again. Like wanting to savour the best bits of your favourite film, I wanted to feel and experience the best bits of our wedding again and appreciate them tenfold!

I wanted to grip my Dad’s hand again in the car on the way to church; I wanted to relive the overwhelming sense of love when my groom looked at me with astounding passion at the top of the aisle; I wanted to gaffaw at our best man’s rap and giggle when friend’s children looked up in awe at the ‘pretty princess’.

But life was normal again.  And not only that, but I was back at work too and the house was a tip.  What was I supposed to do with 86 glitter, lace and hessian jam jars?

I needed to find out if I was a Lone Ranger in all of this. Was I the only newlywed bride going crazy or was there such a thing as the ‘post wedding blues’?

First off, I turned to a bunch of lovelies that had been there for each other in the planning stages – the Love my Dress Facebook forum**. I posted a comment. Then I panicked and took it down. These girls will think I am bloody nuts, I thought. I posted the comment again anyway.

One by one, in came the messages of “I totally get where you are coming from!” and “That’s probably why half my friends had babies 10 months after they got married!”


I wasn’t alone.

But now I wanted to find out more – what are the post wedding blues and why do we get them after such a joyous occasion, when technically, we should be basking in newlywed happiness?

According to Google, it would appear that the wedding blues happen to most brides and even some grooms too. Not only that, but a recent report stated that one in ten brides get full blown post-nuptial depression. One US psychologist found that 10% of US couples seek counselling following their wedding day cited feelings of remorse, sadness and frustration once their day was over.  Depression isn’t something to be taken lightly.

Surely, we should be seeing the wedding day as a starting point of our lives together, and not the pinnacle?

When we look at the bigger picture however, we may actually come to understand and accept why so many of us feel this way.

Whether we’ve spent six months (like me) or four years planning our weddings, whether it all went to plan or some things on the day fell apart – what we’ve all been doing over that time period has become a habit. We’ve always had something ‘to do’; a list to follow, a supplier to speak to (who, if you have the right ones, will happily assist with every query by the way), places to go, people to see and appointments to be made. After all that hard work and effort, going back to your normal, everyday life is kind of hard. Whether you wanted it to or not, ‘the wedding’ became a major focus in your life and letting it go once it’s happened can be really unsettling and upsetting.

By realising this, we are overcoming the first stage of acceptance. But what can we do to prevent, or alleviate these feelings and instead, learn to revel in what we have gained rather than what we have lost? I have some suggestions for you that I really hope you find helpful:-

  1. Know it’s ok to feel a little sad. Let’s face it, you’ve had a wonderful celebration with all your family and friends, and saying goodbye to them all at once can cause a floodgate of emotion. However, getting back into normal every day life and acknowledging the little things – a coffee with a friend or a cuddle on the sofa with your brand new, shiny other half will certainly help, as will reaching out to others in the same boat, just like I did.
  2. Get out there and organise. Just like January is a little bleak after Christmas with a lack of focus; post wedding can also seem empty. Fill your weekends and evenings up with activities to spend time with your new husband/wife. Walks in the countryside, cinema trips, movie and date nights, visits to catch up with friends and family. You have all this spare time on your hands that was previously filled with crafting, emailing and making lists. Now you can DO all the things you put on the back burner for ‘after the wedding’. You’ll also get to hear about everyone else’s version of your day – which will highlight some hilarious anecdotes that you never experienced yourself.
  3. Change your focus. Organising your wedding was something that you were passionate about. Maybe not every single second, but for the most part it was fun and rewarding and you may have even learnt a new skill or two along the way. Our minds and souls always feel fed when we are channeling our energy into new things, so why not discover a new passion? Sign up to floristry classes or consider a new gym class. Nest and do some DIY…just do something so that you are not sitting round and moping.
  4. Tackle it as a team. You’ve married each other and committed your lives to one another – good and bad – so don’t be afraid to lean on each other and explain how you feel. My other half is the perfect person to snap me out of sadness or moodiness – he makes me laugh, runs me a bath or just simply gives me a massive hug and makes me realise that everything will be fine!

After all of that, take a look at the person standing next to you and remember these words; ‘for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health’. This is what you celebrated on that magical day and now you have the opportunity to celebrate, appreciate and cherish life together every single day.

And failing that – there’s always the five or ten year blessing/vow renewal to plan.

I’d really love to hear from other readers – have you been through something similar? Or might you fear feeling the same in due course? How did you handle things? Feel free to comment anonymously if this helps.

Now where did I put my glue gun and scrap book? 😉

Charlotte x


** The Love My Dress Facebook forum is a private page for brides to be and newlyweds only (no suppliers – sorry!).  We’d absolutely love to have you along as member if you are either one of these! You can apply for membership in the single click of a button right here.


Our lovely blog reader Charlotte has contributed to our ‘From The Heart’ feature – a new Sunday spot on Love My Dress, where we hand the blog back over to our readers to write about all matters of love and life.  If you would like to contribute a From The Heart piece, we would dearly love to hear from you. It doesn’t matter what it’s about and it doesn’t have to be related to weddings at all – we’re looking for honest, authentic, personal, sad, happy, family, relationship, marriage, health, light-hearted, serious, baby, trying for baby, children, career, simple, complicated – real life issues.  We just need you to write from your heart. Keep it upbeat and witty, or share your thoughts anonymously on a more challenging or emotional subject. We’ll edit your final piece to make sure it’s all tip-top.  Please drop me a line on [email protected] with your feature or to ask any questions. Love Annabel x



13 thoughts on “From The Heart: Why does no one warn you about the post wedding blues?

  1. Beautifully written Chatlotte. I only wish this had been published 6 months ago so I didn’t think I was going mad after my own wedding!! Thank you for writing it, and to annabel for publishing it. X

    1. I think it’s a really very normal thing for many brides to experience, but the issue is that we feel silly or stupid in having these feelings. I’m so pleased that we were able to blog this feature today and hopefully reassure lots of our readers. Thank you Nicky ?

  2. Brilliant! If I remember correctly Charlotte, you were immediately back to work without even a comforting buffer of a minimoon to ease the jolt of going back to normal, real life. Ouch! I totally understand your emotions. To be fair, I only have to have a lovely weekend away with my husband and by Sunday evening I have the blues that our quality, fun, selfish time is over!! (And I have a great life the rest of the week!) I think it’s all about time and making a few, fun time, plans. Enjoy looking at your photos and don’t be too hard on yourself. Personally I think it’s normal to feel down after such an amazing time. Sending hugs xxx

  3. This was such an interesting read. Although I’ve been designing for and dressing brides for over 26yrs through Mirror Mirror London, we are always involved in the brides journey up to the wedding but rarely after. Everything we do is geared to unruffling feathers and giving perspective to nervous brides as they make costly desisions and choices in the run up to this ‘huge’ day. This aspect of the post wedding has never really occurred to me. This creates a new awareness- thank you x

    1. Gosh yes, it’s a huge ‘thing’ for some brides to deal with, and often something overlooked when you’re in the middle of it planning/or that completely takes them by surprise. Thank you Maria ?

  4. Thank you so much Charlotte, I’m going to stash this away to read the day after I get back from our honeymoon when faced with 14 loads of washing and the inevitable lump of mouldy cheese in the fridge x x x

      1. Oh Annabel ? I hide mine sometimes. Or shove it in the machine “for later”. Then find it the next day when I’ve run out out pants and glare at it like “why haven’t you washed, dried and ironed yourself?!” X x x

  5. This applies to the mother of the bride too! I cried all the way home from my daughter’s wedding and felt so dislocated from life for a few days afterwards. I kept telling people that I felt like I did on the day I brought her home from hospital after her birth: all empty and shocked. And I felt old. So old. As if my life had passed me by now and it was going to be downhill all the way…….
    Then good friends took control and one very wise woman pointed out that this was a physical reaction, caused by the withdrawal of adrenaline. She pointed out that I had been living on adrenaline for about a week up to and during the three days of the wedding and now that the adrenaline had gone, I was in a physical state of almost collapse. All of my friends who had been MOBs had felt the same! Once I realised it was a common reaction, I spent a few days being kind to myself and booked
    myself on a course to give me a different focus.
    I thought I had put it all behind me until I read this article……..Well done for highlighting a hidden downside to all the fun, planning and love that go into a wedding! X

    1. Having not reached this occasion with my daughter yet I haven’t personally experienced this emotion. However now that you’ve mentioned it, it is so obvious! I remember my mum saying that she cried all the way down the motorway after dropping me at university for the first time and I certainly wouldn’t say that my wedding day was her favourite day. There are far too many conflicting emotions involved! Thanks for giving us another view point on the post wedding blues xx

    2. Oh Annh, the first part of your comment really moved me – thank you for being brave enough to share.
      What amazing advice the second part of your comment is – it’s so true about the adrenaline issue!
      Thank you, thank you so much for taking the time to leave such a valuable comment,
      Love Annabel xXx

  6. I am getting married in 5 months and starting to feel all the sac Moody Things that you talked about , i’m very concerned with the fact that i might not be able to appreciate my man or my newlywed life and beeing joyful and excited i see only Bad things because we never lived together and im scared to feel that even the day of the wed!! Anyway it gave me such a breath of life! Reading someone who felt the same ( not exactly lol ) and just get over it!! Thanks for all your advice XoXo

    1. Thanks Sassou for sharing. Weddings are funny old things full of such a range of emotions! Focus on all the good things about marrying the man you love but don’t worry if you have a few nerves or wobbles. However, try not to worry now about your emotions on the day. I’m sure you will have a lovely, lovely day. Sending best wishes for your married life to come xx

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