When wedding planning isn’t how you imagined it would be

I’m back again and it’s May – this year really is FLYING by!  As always, I’m very happy to be here with you on Love My Dress and once again, I’m tackling one of those topics we really don’t talk enough about (I promise the next one will be an upbeat one!)… in a nutshell, I’m talking about the ‘meh’ side of wedding planning.

Right now, I want you to stop, take a few moments and ask yourself – is wedding planning really how you imagined it would be?

Being brutally honest with yourself, are you having the wedding planning experience that you imagined you would?  Are you loving every single minute, or have you got that feeling that somehow, you should be enjoying it more?  If you’re finding that you’re more down than excited, more exhausted than full steam ahead, perhaps you need to admit to yourself that no, planning your big day isn’t as wonderful as you thought it would be and yes, you’re not totally in love with the whole process.  And now you’ve answered that question, and if you’ve decided that not everything in your planning garden is totally rosy, don’t worry.  You’re not alone.

More Brides than you could possibly imagine feel EXACTLY how you’re feeling right now and let me tell you that it’s totally normal.  You see, when it comes to weddings, it’s easy to just see the good / exciting / pretty stuff.   You’re faced with endlessly perfect images on Instagram and Pinterest.  You read real weddings where Brides tell you that ‘it’s all worth it’ and, of course, you want your wedding to be out-of-this-world-amazing.

With all of that swimming around in your head and right in front of your eyes, it’s incredibly easy to think that planning a wedding is all about trying on dresses, sampling cake, sipping champagne, cruising around venues and styling your day so that your guests are blown away.   This should be easy, right?  Well the media makes it out to be easy and your married friends could well gloss over the truth.  Is all of that helpful?  Of course it isn’t, but it all goes to show that if these influences are pushing down on you, lots of Brides will be feeling the same way.

Now that we know that this phenomenon is all too common, let’s look at some of the things that could be affecting you.  As you’ll see, this is quite a list…

Firstly, it’s possible that you’ll never have planned an event of this scale before.  Having to pick up a new skill, learn a new role and make huge decisions can be totally overwhelming so no wonder wedding planning can be stressful.  Engagement rings don’t imbue you with the immediate ability to plan, coordinate, produce and manage an event of this importance.  Feeling the pressure here will definitely take the shine off your experience.

There’s also SO much choice, like an incredible amount of choice!  From venues and photographers to dresses, menus, bands and honeymoons, you now have total option overload.  You’d think this would make things easier but that’s not necessarily the case.  The temptation is to always want to check the next supplier and look at the next website and eventually, you’ll find yourself going round and round in circles and questioning any decision that you do end up (finally) making.  As the saying goes, comparison is the thief of joy and continual comparison can kill your joy outright.

And then there’s the cost.  Not only do you have to come to terms with how much you’re spending, you also have to come to terms with what you can afford.  This is the moment when your dreams get quite a slap in the reality face.  Your wedding bubble can burst and there’s no way you can ignore or get away from those figures on a spreadsheet.

You also might not be sharing the joy in the way you thought you would.  If you’re loving your planning experience, you’ll be excited and will want to talk about it.  However, if at this point you get the eye-roll emoji from your friends (or even your partner), you can kiss goodbye to sharing your happy.  It hurts when people don’t want to know or don’t seem to care, and this can definitely taint your time planning.  It can also make you feel alone and isolated and that, in times of stress, is just not good.

If you’re a natural administrator who loves nothing more than keeping everything in order and totally bossing the paperwork, then you probably don’t mind the fact that wedding planning is actually all about the admin and less about the pretty.  Answering emails, checking terms and conditions, updating spreadsheets, completing forms and dealing with a whole heap of invoices and payments isn’t the thing that wedding planning dreams are made of (unless it’s your thing!).  You want to focus on the pretty but all you’re doing is just trying to keep your head above the water of wedmin.  Bleurgh.

On the flip side, if you adore admin, the pressure of having to create a beautiful, stunning, stylish day that’s full of detail can also suck the joy right out of wedding planning.  You can’t flick a switch and suddenly become creative if that’s not who you are.  When all the talk is about styling, it’s not surprising that you can just feel left out of the conversation.

Finally, and probably the biggie here, wedding planning is time consuming and it can be tiring.  You’re trying to bring together this spectacular occasion AND you’re having to do it around your normal life.  Lives are busy things – we have jobs, hobbies, responsibilities, families and a whole host of things that fill our time.  Then, you get engaged and you have to do everything as always PLUS you have to plan your wedding.  It’s easy to be exhausted by it all.  And it’s hard to enjoy anything when you’re feeling as if you’re being pulled in lots of directions all at the same time.

But, for all of those reasons above, there are also plenty of ways you can stop this from happening.  You can get back to a good place.  You can absolutely turn things around and you can have the wedding planning experience you imagined.  And here’s how…

Firstly, remind yourself that this is real life.  We know that we have to work for the things we want, and we know that the most worthy things require the most effort.  If you can accept wedding planning for what it really is, you’ll find it so much easier to enjoy.

So, go into planning your wedding with your eyes open.  Enjoy those treats and indulgences that are afforded to Brides but don’t expect them all the time.  Remember that admin is as much a part of planning a stellar event as choosing flowers and finalising your menu.  Your wedding planning needs balance otherwise it’ll topple over and take you with it.

As well as being realistic, give your plans a reality check.  Are you really going to have the time or the inclination to handcraft 150 wedding favours?  Are you totally sure that spending a day scouring the internet for matching personalised robes for Bridesmaids that totally works with your colour scheme is the best use of your time?  Be realistic – what really needs your time, your attention and your cash?  Keep your focus here and never, ever stop being realistic about your budget.  Nothing will cloud your plans like financial stresses and worries.

Remember to take time out.  If you’re planning your wedding for 12-18 months, it’s completely unrealistic to imagine that you can maintain the same level of effort and enthusiasm for this whole period.  You’ll have natural dips and that’s absolutely ok.  Remember that your wedding doesn’t need all your attention all the time.  Don’t let it crowd everything else out – date your partner, see your friends, keep up with your gym class and don’t feel bad about ignoring your plans for a little while.  Other things need you more and you need other things too.

Lastly, ask for help.  If you’re struggling, be honest.  If you can’t do something, be honest.  If you want to talk, need some assistance or would really appreciate a second opinion, be honest.  There are no prizes in the wedding planning world for the Bride who does everything.  You won’t be happier if you run yourself into the ground trying to do it all.  You’ll be happier if you have good people around you.

So, there we have it – it’s easy to see why wedding planning can be quite the emotional rollercoaster.  Remember that however you’re feeling, you can have the wedding planning experience you always imagined that you would, and you will have a truly fabulous wedding day.  But, most importantly, remember that wedding planning and even the wedding day itself are just stepping stones to the REALLY good bit – your marriage.

 

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Katrina is a national award-winning wedding planner who specialises in timeless British luxury weddings.  She is a regular contributor to Love My Dress and the resident wedding planner for Coco Wedding Venues.  Katrina also hosts workshops and offers training courses for new and existing wedding planners.

Image by Hannah Duffy Photography – image from a Planning Redefined workshop.