From The Heart – Trying for a baby and planning a wedding

trying for a baby

I wanted to open this feature with a little (make that huge) thank you to all the woman who have stepped forwards with contributions for our new and occasional Sunday ‘From The Heart’ feature. I always wanted there to be a place on this beloved wedding blog for women to be able to speak openly and honestly about matters of life, and that so many of you feel trusting enough for Love My Dress to be the place to do that is incredibly humbling. I urge you to look through our archive of posts as there are some incredible features there that are sure to resonate with and inspire you.

Last week’s From the Heart feature was a wonderfully light-hearted look at all the things that can/might/possibly will go wrong on your wedding day – written from the perspective of a newlywed bride who came to realise how none of it mattered at all. Today’s feature is more serious in nature and addresses an issue I know many of our readers struggle with in the face of all the joy that is associated with planning a wedding – I hope if you are one of these people, that you will accept the biggest virtual hug through this post today. Stay positive and strong lovely ladies. Love Annabel x


I wanted to share our story in case it could help any readers trying for a baby, or their friends or family who are struggling with infertility. 

My boyfriend and I started talking about having children together at the start of our relationship – imagining day to day life and our adventures as a family. These conversations came easily and quickly, so after we’d turned 30 and found our home, we decided it was the perfect time to have a baby. We weren’t engaged or talking about weddings at this stage (though I knew he was my ‘one’), but we did both feel that we were as ready as we’d ever be. I’d come off the pill,  started taking folic acid and was generally trying to be healthier. We decided to keep it our secret, because ‘trying for a baby’ felt a bit too much to share with loved ones.

Trying for a baby and planning a wedding

I remember how excited and nervous we felt that we could be making our baby. It was such a wonderful feeling – we started to think ahead to weddings and events I’d be pregnant at, or might miss because of my bump. I began imagining life as a family. Sadly though, my period came, so I mentally pushed my timings back a month. We kept trying, we downloaded a fertility app and I continued to feel positive. That was until six months had passed. I then started to mention to very close friends that we were trying. I was told of friends, friends who like us had been trying for a number of months, but that now had a family. In light of this, I was advised by well meaning friends to relax and stay positive.  I know my friends were trying to be helpful but at times, I just needed a shoulder to cry on.

Each month, the crushing arrival of my period felt like I’d failed and having to tell my other half became harder and harder. After a year, we decided to investigate and I booked myself into a private fertility clinic (I assumed rightly or wrongly that the NHS required you to have been trying for a baby for 2 whole years before they would investigate).

I recall seeing the face of the Sonographer  during one of our early investigative scans, getting more and more serious looking as the scan continued. Two weeks later I was diagnosed with endometriosis and fibroids in my womb and the consultant recommended an operation.  I’d never even heard of endometriosis. I was very upset but tried to keep hopeful, and we carried on trying as before.

A few months later, my boyfriend proposed with a stunning engagement ring. I’m sad to admit however that my excitement was tempered with thoughts of fertility and pregnancy. How could I plan to be married when I didn’t know if I’d be heavily pregnant, breastfeeding or even giving birth on the date we set for our wedding?

As most bride to be reading this will know, as soon a you have a ring on your finger everyone asks about wedding dates, venues and dresses etc. It quickly becomes an overwhelming topic of conversation, and as a result, I became somewhat monosyllabic in my replies (unlike me). I felt like time was ticking on both fronts and so we decided to start IVF treatment in secret.

Sadly our first IVF cycle was unsuccessful. Our ’embies’ simply didn’t stick. It was one of the worst few weeks of my life as no one knew what we were going through. I couldn’t stop crying and turned into a zombie at work finding smiling or small talk near impossible.

After two months of crying and sadness at our lost babies, we started letting loved ones in on our secret and shared our heartache. I knew we needed a distraction from babies and that planning our wedding day might provide us with a new positive focus and something we could manage and make a success.

We’re now in full wedmin mode and enjoying all the planning, sourcing and organisation. It’s highlighted just how well we work as a team and my husband to be has been incredible. We are still working on the baby and providing we can afford it, we will try another IVF cycle again sometime soon.

I am jealous of honeymoon babies and people who fall pregnant instantly. It’s really hard seeing ‘baby on board’ badges, images of 12 week scans on Facebook, hearing complaints of not being able to drink or eat certain things whilst expecting or attending baby showers and buying ‘congratulations on your new baby!’ cards. I still love meeting my friend’s newborns and hanging out with their lovely children, it’s the surrounding part that hurts.

I just wanted to share some of what we’ve been going through whilst planning our wedding. Everything might not be as it appears to the onlooker as we plan our nutpials and I think it’s important to highlight this. I’ve now started preparing for the expected post-wedding questions about us starting our own family; ‘So, are you planning for children now?’, ‘When can we expect a christening invite?’. Our experience has meant I now never assume, joke or ask about family/baby plans unless I have the time to listen or support the close friend I’m asking in private. My close friends have been wonderful, have cheered me up, sent me cards and messages and made me come out when I’ve not always felt like it and this support has been a vital part of getting me through this difficult time. These friends are now getting pregnant, trying or having babies of their own, and I’m keeping strong and ensuring that I’m there for them as they have been for me.

If anyone feels like they are alone I want to reassure them that they aren’t – please seek help from your GP or local/online support groups  – and please don’t be afraid to open up to trusted friends and family members.

Wishing everyone planning their own weddings and families right now much love and luck.



The writer of this piece would prefer to remain anonymous.  ‘From The Heart’  is an occasional Sunday spot where we hand Love My Dress back over to our readers to write about all matters of love and life. 

If you would like to contribute a From The Heart piece, we would dearly love to hear from you. It doesn’t matter what it’s about and it doesn’t have to be related to weddings at all – we’re looking for honest, authentic, personal, sad, happy, family, relationship, marriage, health, light-hearted, serious, baby, trying for baby, children, career, simple, complicated – real life issues.  We just need you to write from your heart. Keep it upbeat and witty, or share your thoughts anonymously on a more challenging or emotional subject. Please drop me a line at [email protected]. Love Annabel x

10 thoughts on “From The Heart – Trying for a baby and planning a wedding

  1. This is so similar to what we are going through, and there is some relief to know we’re not the only ones! We’ve had two miscarriages pre and post engagement and it’s the reason our wedding planning has stopped in its tracks. Some people ask what’s happening and if they’re close enough I let them know – people are so sympathetic and it can be such a comfort to share – if they don’t know us that well I just joke that we’re too disorganised and we’ve just not thought about it, and most people buy that white lie!

    1. Thanks for sharing your own story with us Sarah. We all wish you love, strength and very many best wishes as you move forward. I could tell you stories of friends in similar situations who now have a bunch of beautiful children but I’m sure that you’ve already heard that and they are not you. Be kind and easy on yourself. Much love, Katie xx

  2. Your story will resonate with so many I’m sure and you are so brave to share it. Sending you and your partner lots of love. Xxx

  3. Thank you so much for sharing your story.

    Throughout our engagement I have undergone a few minor operations (not many friends are aware) which has made me suddenly very aware of my own fertility/ how complex our bodies are. one of the things that’s shocked me the most about getting engaged is literally seconds after congratulating you by friends and family, you can find yourself being questioned about when you will be starting a family. Whereas I’m aware people are just excited for us as a couple , with every assumption -not only that everything is ok health wise but also that we even want a family!- adds to the anxiety at the back of my mind.

    We all seem to put ourselves under so much pressure, particularly women. It can be so hard to ‘enjoy the moment’ when we are constantly having to consider the future for one reason or another.

    Sending you lots of love and well wishes. Xxxxxx

    1. Thank you for adding to the discussion Claire. I hope that things are settling down for you a little now. I think we don’t appreciate the miracle that is our body and health until something questions it. So, wishing you lots of best wishes and good health for the future xx

  4. Couldn’t help but reply. We began trying to conceive in December, and got engaged in February, setting a date for September. We always new that we’d be married so didn’t see the need for a long engagement & really enjoying the planning for our wedding. Falling pregnant in late April was the amazing next piece of our puzzle, and I didn’t even mind the idea of a bump on our big day. We’ve now had two reoccurrent miscarriages. Balancing the two things – at either end of the emotional spectrum – can be hard at times. Thanks for such a heartfelt post.

    1. Laura, I’m saddened to hear your news. Life really is about highs and lows but experiencing them at the same time is so hard on your poor emotions. Wishing you much love and best wishes for your future path together xxx

  5. Such a heartfelt post to share. My fiancée told me the lovely news last week that after 3 years of trying and 2 IVF treatments, his good friend and wife are now pregnant with twins! Knowing what they’ve been through makes it all the more poignant.

    My experience of wedding planning and babies was finding out I was pregnant 6 days post engagement! So we’re now 3 and a half weeks off the big day and have our 2 year old flower girl in tow.

    Cat xx

    1. Thanks Cat. I’m sure we all grow up planning our lives and simply slotting children into our timescales on the plan forgetting that we need lots of love and luck for them to perfectly fit this plan!

      I’m sure that your little flower girl daughter will look ever-so-pretty on your big day. So close now! xx

  6. Its nice to come across this story and thank you for sharing. I too have been trying to concieve and now under fertility. All this has happened since the wedding has been booked. I could be lucky and fall before the wedding or even during which i have to admit its stressing me out. Most people know about my journey but i still get questions what if i catch during my wedding.
    Im trying to go along with things. Ive wanted this for so long now part of me wants to not catch before the wedding which is 16 months away. Do you tell a consultant that you want to hold off or do you continue trying as you need to know for your treatment plan. What if i catch and im due the month of the wedding?

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