'Can't you see that all that stuff's a sideshow?
Such boundless pleasure…. So, let go, so let go. Jump in.
Oh well, what you waiting for? It's alright.
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown…'
A fascinating discussion raged on the facebook page of luxury stationer Cutture recently that began with the following statement…
The responses provoked by this question were all very interesting, but perhaps none more so than that left by Laura Caudery of Parallel Venues…
'I just worry that everyone is preoccupied with the 'perfect wedding'. Yes, we all spend a lot of time, money and effort on the big day, but please don't lose sight of what it's really about. It is not an opportunity just to represent the best version of yourself and your relationship, it is about sharing your commitment to one another with those that are nearest and dearest to you… I don't think people should be encouraged to believe everything has to be 'picture perfect' or 'blogged' to mean it was special'.
As the conversation continued on twitter, Laura went on to say 'Weddings aren't a perfectly styled shoot where all is perfect'.
These words have been whirling around in my head ever since. My immediate reaction was complete agreement, but it soon occurred to me that my relationship to such assertions was, in fact, a lot more complex than it first appeared.
You see, it may have escaped your attention, but my wedding was blogged. On these very pages. It also appeared in a top wedding magazine; a two page spread filled with stunning images provided by our photographer Eliza Claire. You can see me kissing my husband in the beautiful grounds of Pinewood Studios and countless other details from the day, such as flower filled jam jars and the placecards I hand-stamped with the names of all our guests.
Annabel even came to our wedding. We didn't know each other then, at least not like we do now. Instead, she was there in her capacity as a wedding blogger, shadowing our photographer and experiencing the day from a supplier's perspective. Annabel tweeted pictures while she was in attendance and our wedding even had its own {very tongue in cheek} hashtag on twitter!
These weren't things I aspired to while planning our wedding though.
I had been a loyal reader of Love My Dress for almost two years by the time we were married. I can still remember clicking that first link to a real wedding that had been thrown up in a random google search. It was, as they say, love at first sight. I immediately immersed myself in the world of Love My Dress, leaving regular comments, bookmarking my favourite features and sourcing many of our suppliers through the adverts that fill the sidebars.
Much of our wedding was underpinned by material or ideas first encountered on wedding blogs, but I certainly wasn't concerned with creating a 'blog worthy' wedding.
Instead, I was preoccupied with making our guests feel well looked after. I wanted them to enjoy themselves, to feel cared for and appreciated. That's what many of the details were about for me.
Our handmade placecards, painstakingly decorated jam jars and homemade cake buffet may be what a wedding bloggers dreams are made of, but they were also an expression of our love for our family and friends. They were a way to show we had thought about, and taken time over, their experience of the day.
Of course, some of the decisions we made were purely selfish ones. When it came to decorating the room our reception was to be held in, the brief I discussed with my Mum was simple. 'I just want to walk in and think it's beautiful', I said.
I wanted to feel a little magic on my wedding day, like I was lost in a daydream with my new husband. Hence the abundance of candlelight, the old silent movie playing in the background, and the tables that overflowed with blousy pink blooms. Turns out, all this makes for a pretty good picture. A 'blog worthy' one even.
And then there was all the love. Forgive me for stating the obvious, but you can't pin that to a Pinterest board.
When it was time for me to say my vows, I concentrated on my husband's face just as purposefully as I did the words. It felt so powerful, all that emotion, contained only by the look we were giving each other, the gaze we were sharing. It was as if you could reach out and touch it.
All of a sudden we were kissing, and, for a brief moment, it felt like it was just the two of us in the room. It was perfect.
As I mentally composed this blog post in my head over the last few days, I decided to return to facebook and examine the photos I'd been tagged in by friends and family in the wake of our wedding day. Flicking through the various albums I found blurry photos of us, pictures that captured the back of our heads, and images of our guests looking slightly worse for wear.
** The images in this post are not taken by a professional wedding photographer
With my hair in rollers, and without a scrap of makeup on, I open a card from my almost husband; a candid photo of my Mum as she looks on proudly during our ceremony; two of my beautiful maids on the way to the venue {my sister's eyes are already filled with tears!}.
I realised there is still beauty to be found in the unpolished, less than perfect side of a wedding, the side that won't end up on a wedding blog. Because, if you're guided by the right things, by love and your desire to declare it to one another in front of the most precious people in your life, then perfection will pour from every image of your day, professional or otherwise.
There was so much laughter and smiles as we tried to get Jesse to join in the formal photos; someone's camera phone captured our joy as we left the ceremony; dancing with my daughter is one of my happiest memories from the whole day.
According to the dictionary definition of the word 'perfect', a wedding that meets this standard will have 'all the required or desirable elements, qualities or characteristics'. It will be 'as good as it is possible to be'.
So, yes, my wedding was perfect. For me, for us. And it would have been whether it had ended up on a blog or not.
As the song says, perhaps we all just need to let go, jump in, and find the beauty in the breakdown.
What does having a 'perfect' wedding mean to you? And what are your thoughts on having images of your wedding taken by friends and family, shared on social media, before you have seen the professional photographs?
Franky
You can read and participate in more discussion posts here on Love My Dress.
