The ring is on your finger, sparkling as it catches the light, you have a head full of wedding ideas and a whole new Pinterest board (or maybe about 20!?) dedicated to your plans. You’ve just got engaged, and you can’t wait to see your girlfriends to talk everything through. You’re certain who you want to be your maid of honour and exactly who to ask to be your bridesmaid. Or are you?
From this real wedding feature on Love My Dress
Photography by David McNeil
All too often people imagine that choosing who will follow (or perhaps precede, depending on your preferences) them down the aisle will be very straightforward, and luckily for many people it often is. They have a best friend, or sister, or a small but close group of girlfriends they know will do a fantastic job, and who will enjoy every moment of dress shopping and invitation making that is thrown their way.
Top from this real wedding feature, Photography by Christopher Currie
Bottom from this real wedding feature, Photography by Debs Ivelja
Maybe you have an extended group of friends and are happy with the idea of a large number of bridesmaids. If this is you then I’m so pleased! Please pop over and have a look at one of the beautiful weddings we have featured this week, and enjoy your planning! If you’re less confident however, or are having problems choosing, then read on.
From this real wedding feature on Love My Dress
Photography by Eddie Judd
Perhaps you have a wider set of of good friends, or several sisters or cousins you’re close to, and although they’re wonderful people, the idea of so many bridesmaids just isn’t for you. Maybe a family member has expectations of who you choose in particular, but it just isn’t the person you had in mind. Maybe you have several close friends, who whilst loving, are also prone to a spot of drama and that’s not a risk you want to take on your wedding day. Or possibly you have already made your choice, but are now slightly regretting that spur of the moment, prosecco soaked ‘I GOT MARRIED AND NEED TO ORGANISE EVERYTHING RIGHT NOW’ decision to ask all six of your old university housemates and three best friends from school, your sister and teenage cousin to hold your dress train?
The question is, how do you choose your bridesmaid/s and be sure in so doing that you’re making absolutely the right decision?
All in all, I had 21 flower girls, page boys and bridesmaids. Perfect! (Kate Halfpenny)
From this real wedding feature on Love My Dress
Photography by legant & Wild
In my case, I am very lucky to have a group of fantastic women in my life – my ‘go to girls’ as my friend Laura terms it. But as my girlfriends know, I can’t bear fuss and flapping – and the idea of several animated bridesmaids (on top of my mum and my mother in law, a hairdresser, makeup artist, photographer and whoever else all in one room) filled me with horror!
For a while, I very seriously debated not having any bridesmaids at all, as I didn’t want to make a choice that left any of my wonderful friends feeling like they were in any way second best, and yet I didn’t want (and to be honest, couldn’t afford) to ask all of them. Their dresses, shoes, accessories – it all adds up doesn’t it? We see many weddings on Love My Dress where the bride has chosen to have no bridesmaids, or just little flowergirls, and they’re always super, super lovely with no sense of anything ‘missing’ at all. For me personally, it was about knowing I’d be supported as I made my way down the aisle and that I’d have some friendly distraction on the morning of the wedding. Basically I required a designated ‘hand holder’!
From this real wedding feature on Love My Dress
Photography by Jacqueline Patton Photography and Nan Doud Photography
In the end, I opted for a very small bridal party, and asked just two of the girls to do the honours. Danielle, who knows me inside out, and Katy, my oldest school friend. My best friend from university, Hana, I asked to deliver a reading during the ceremony instead, and two of the other girls, Jess and Laura, took charge of my hen do celebrations. My friend Ruth, who was pregnant with twins at the time, had more than enough on her plate in my opinion, but took on the role of counsellor when things got stressful in the run up, and did sterling work! I explained my decision to the girls and really hoped that whilst just two of them were taking on the ‘official’ title, that all of them would know that they were playing a meaningful and significant part in our wedding.
My point is that all your friends are important, and they don’t necessarily have to take on the title of bridesmaid to be and indeed feel as though they are an essential and appreciated part of your day.
From this real wedding feature on Love My Dress
Photography by Kitchener Photography
Remember that you choose your bridesmaids, not only because you love them (which is of course, the most important thing of all) but because they will have the time, interest and skills to be the right people for the role. If your best friend is fabulous fun with the biggest heart, but also the busiest person on the planet with little actual time for or interest in weddings, then give her a huge hug and ask her to do another important job- a reading, organising your hen do, or just being the official pourer of wine when planning becomes stressful! If your sister is very shy and hates the idea of walking down the aisle, but is an expert crafter, or has a lovely way with words, think maybe consider asking her to help you with the decor, or to assist you in crafting your vows. You can involve your closest friends and family in so many other ways than simply asking them to fill traditional wedding day roles. Our rides tell us again and again through their ‘Words of Wedded Wisdom’ that their family and friends loved being involved.
From this real wedding feature on Love My Dress
Film photography by Ashton Jean Pierre
Chances are your ceremony room or church will only be populated by your nearest and dearest on your actual wedding day anyway, and every one of these invitees will have an important part to play. Choosing who will be your bridesmaid/s is perhaps not the easiest choice in the world – like so many other elements of wedding planning, it involves a decision based on emotion, but I do believe the path to deciding and indeed appointing your maids can be navigated successfully and happily – just be honest and do what suits you and your wedding.
What have your experiences been of choosing your attendants? Has it been a stressful experience or was it a straightforward decision? Were you/ are you pleased with your choice? Please do share your experiences with us- we love to hear from you (and can accept anonymous comments if you’d rather not identify yourself). You may be able to help someone with a very similar issue and dilemma by sharing with our reader community below.
Whatever choices you make lovely ladies, good luck, and enjoy!
Shona x
ps – be inspired by our Pinterest board dedicated to all things ‘bridesmaid’
