Good morning all. A quick note to tell you about this wedding I posted late afternoon to the blog because it is an absolute must-see! Right, this morning I'm handing over my blogging duties to the amazing wordsmith that is Emma Woodhouse, aka, The Wedding Reporter. {Brides, any of you unfamiliar with the services provided by The Wedding Reporter absolutely must go and check Emma's blog out today}. Today, Emma considers an issue that will, I'm sure, be on the minds of many of you planning your weddings right now. I this is the case, we hope this gives you reason to pause and consider your situation and how to proceed in a way form here on that is best for you.
We'd love your feedback on this post – please leave a comment below and let's get some community discussion going. Emma, over to you…
♥ ♥ ♥
I, like many other wedding suppliers, make my living thanks to brides who have their fingers on the pulse of wedding trends. I’m used to girls who have devoted countless hours to creating a wedding that is representative of their personality, style and relationship.
Love My Dress Wedding Blog – Photography Copyright (c) 2011. Image Source
My clients can often be found with one hand scrolling through wedding blogs whilst their nose is stuck in one or other of the national wedding magazines. They’re keen to see something new and different and to wow their guests with a dynamic and personal wedding celebration.
It comes as a shock, therefore, to discover that not every bride has this luxury. Despite the increasing popularity of new media, there are a vast proportion of couples out there that will look at you blankly at the mention of this mythical blog you speak of. Although I feel bad for those who are missing out on this wealth of inspiration and information, my concern is for the girls who may or may not be aware of the online wedding community but who certainly are beholden to traditions and other people’s opinions when planning their wedding.
As someone who stubbornly refused any counsel about my own wedding planning (because I knew what would and wouldn’t work for us, not just because I’m a cow), I find it hard to fathom when I hear of entire weddings being coordinated around domineering relatives or archaic conventions.
We think it is so simple to say that you should style your day, your way or “If you don’t love it, don’t do it”, but that’s actually not necessarily an option available to everyone. We think that the focal point of a wedding is the people getting married, but it can actually turn out to be the person holding the purse strings.
Parents or older relatives who offer to financially contribute towards a wedding are hugely generous and undoubtedly appreciated. The concern is when that money is used as leverage for decision making; random people turn up on the guest list at the behest of the person paying for their meal, certain suppliers have to be used because the person paying them can get a discount and the phrase “because that’s how it’s always been done” becomes currency against the question of “But why do we have to have a receiving line?”
I had a friend tell me that on his wedding guest list of 140+, only 21 of the invitees would be on his side of the church. His fiancé’s parents had invited the majority of the rest of the guest list and due to their contribution he felt powerless to contest it. What could I possibly advise him?
Whilst money is often the cause of unhappiness in these situations, never underestimate the power of emotional blackmail either. Living in fear of offending people can often lead to taking on board items, suppliers or traditions that the couple don’t actually want. Telling well-meaning advisors that you don’t have the same ideas can lead to hostile tensions, the like of which will remain in family folklore for years to come.
Wedding planning can be a precarious minefield at the best of times, but it becomes a veritable pressure cooker when the opinions, thoughts and beliefs of outside forces have to be taken into consideration as well. It becomes even pricklier when you add in the generational gap between how weddings used to be when these people got married, and how 21st century weddings look.
I’m sure in most cases the couple in question are incredibly grateful for the help and support, even if it might not be what they’ve always dreamt of. However, as you sit there making your bunting or creating mood boards or sending out spreadsheets of jobs to your bridesmaids, spare a thought for those brides who are staring down the barrel of a wedding that looks shockingly like their parents’ wedding 40 years ago. Because that’s how it’s always been done.
♥ Have you had to compromise on any elements of your wedding to placate other people?
♥ How do you handle budget issues with parents etc?
♥ What advice would you give to anybody in the position of having a wedding that has been engineered for them without much of their own input?
♥ Where do you draw the line at “help”?
♥ Did anyone express their distaste for choices you made in your wedding – e.g. grandparents horrified by cupcakes instead of fruitcake? Or, heaven forbid, did you Mother tell you she didn't like your dress?
Emma – The Wedding Reporter
♥
You can see more discussion posts on here my dress here.
