How To Plan A Wedding: common myths explained

Before I start today’s feature, please can someone else tell me that they’re as shocked to find we’re flying through September as I am? I know my summer has been full of some amazing weddings but still, how can we be approaching the end of the wedding season (and my birthday!) already? All that said, I’m so happy to be back on Love My Dress again and I’ve got a rather lovely feature in store for you because today, I’m going to explain the reality behind some of the most common wedding planning myths.  The misconceptions that follow the wedding world like unwritten rules.

So firstly, why am I writing this feature? Well, as you may have gathered from some of my previous features, I’m passionate about transparency, honesty and clarity in the wedding industry. I strongly believe that everyone can create an utterly brilliant and personal wedding that’s on budget without months of stress and crazy amounts of work.

However, during my years in the wedding industry, I’ve seen so many people caught out by believing common wedding planning myths.  Yes, some of these myths might have been true years ago and some might still apply on rare occasions now but in the main, these myths need to be consigned to wedding history RIGHT NOW…

MYTH 1 – Mention the word ‘wedding’ and costs double

Now this is one myth that, unfortunately, used to be reality and still is in a small handful of cases. We’ve all heard stories of couples visiting venues and being given a much lower price for saying that their event was a party rather than a wedding.  However, on the whole, venues are now much more open with their pricing as they know that couples share experiences online, they understand that reviews, recommendations and industry referrals can make or break their business and, most importantly, many want to be open and honest with their clients.  And this doesn’t apply to venues alone, the same can be said across the board of wedding industry suppliers – from caterers and cake makers to planners and stylists.

However, the real reason why weddings can be more expensive than parties or other occasions, particularly at venues, can legitimately be explained by the fact that weddings incur extra costs (i.e. numbers of staff) and a considerable amount of additional man hours due to the sheer volume of communication often required for a wedding versus a party or other occasion.

I’ve written before about the importance of requesting clear and comparison quotations from suppliers and this should help to put your mind at rest here too.  Always ask for a full quote breakdown from your suppliers so you can see all of the elements that make up the final cost and don’t hesitate to question anything that you’re not sure about.

MYTH 2 – Some suppliers are really expensive for just one day

As the saying goes, ‘if you think it’s expensive to hire a professional, just wait until you hire an amateur’.  Wedding professionals are just that – professional.  This is their work, their business, their livelihood and in most cases, their first love.  They dedicate hours and hours to each client and, whilst some might be with you just on the day, they do far more than a day’s work for each client.

The oft-quoted example of expensive suppliers usually includes photographers so let’s take a look at that.  Aside from your wedding day, they’ll spend days or even weeks editing your images and designing albums. They’ll have spent a considerable amount of time before the day perhaps visiting your venue with you, discussing your plans and maybe meeting you for a pre-wedding shoot. They also have insurance costs, equipment costs, technology costs, professional memberships, business overheads and more to pay before they even start to see a profit for all of the hours and hours of work.

But, aside from the practical justifications of costs, your wedding suppliers have skills that others don’t.  In the same way you wouldn’t dream of asking a friend to give your teeth a quick once over, why would you trust an element of your wedding day to a friend who doesn’t have the skills and experience?  Frankly, even if your Great-Aunt was Mary Berry, asking her to take on the responsibility of baking your wedding cake might be far too much.  Friends are entitled to just enjoy your wedding day, however talented they are!

MYTH 3 – Your wedding day will be perfect

This is the one myth I so wish were true!  As much as it pains me to say it, your wedding day won’t be perfect.  It will be perfectly imperfect but things will happen, little issues will crop up and there will be things that don’t go completely to plan.

You see, all the plans that you make are perfect on paper but add in guests, emotions, the elements and one hundred and one other factors and there’s bound to be an issue that presents itself on the day.

However, even if you know that a few things aren’t quite right, your guests are highly likely to think your day is perfect if you remain calm.  Nothing ruins the atmosphere at a wedding faster than an upset bride!  So, think about your contingency plan ahead of the game, remember that the most important thing about the day is the marriage itself and oddly, it’s those imperfect yet perfect moments that quite often make the best memories.

MYTH 4 – Certain things are always cheaper

If only this myth were true, it would make things so much easier to make savings!  Again, this myth has its roots in years gone by because it’s true that weekday weddings often were cheaper and DIY did used to save you money, but neither are unfortunately as applicable now.

It wasn’t that long ago that weddings were always on Saturdays.  Fridays and Sundays (especially on Bank Holiday weekends) occasionally cropped up but even those were rare.  So, for large chunks of the week, venues sat empty and cut-price packages were offered by some to simply fill up the diary.  Fast forward to 2016 and the wedding world no longer operates purely on weekends and wedding venues tend to operate differently, limiting the number of weddings they’ll host in a year to retain quality and individuality.  Suppliers too often place self-imposed restrictions on their diaries for exactly the same reason.

Most importantly, the service that you receive from suppliers and the space and location that your venue provides is just the same whatever day of the week your wedding is on and, if a venue will only host twenty weddings a year whether your wedding is on a Monday or Saturday makes no difference – it’s still one of the twenty and it still requires the same amount of work.

Yes, some venues and suppliers will offer discounts for certain dates but that’s their own policy, not an industry norm.  We therefore need to stop believing that discounts or offers should be expected and we certainly should stop thinking that certain things will always be cheaper.

MYTH 5 – You can send wedding invitations to more people than you can accommodate

This wedding planning myth would have you believe that some of your guest list (a figure of 10% is usually bandied about) is sure to decline so you should always invite more people than you can accommodate.

I can promise you that this IS NOT THE CASE – inviting more people than you can accommodate can and usually will cause huge problems as a result, not only in terms of capacities but also due to the resulting financial repercussions.

Case in point, a wedding that I worked on in April had a 0% drop out rate – yes, 0%!

Never underestimate just how much people love you!  You might think that relatives who live overseas will turn you down but what happens if they don’t?  If you start by assuming that everyone you invite will come, you’re not going to be stressing out when all of the acceptances start arriving.

Of course, some venues do impose minimum numbers and, if it looks like you’re not going to meet them, you can certainly invite a few more people but don’t invite more than you can accommodate, it’s simply not worth the risk.

MYTH 6 – Budgets are impossible to stick to

Quite simply, they’re not.  Budgets are easy to stick to if you do your research, stick to your plan and always include a contingency.

I’ve shared my thoughts about unexpected wedding costs before and I know that there are always things that crop up which is why including a contingency is vitally important.   If your maximum budget is £20,000 for example, you should aim to spend no more than £18,000, giving you a 10% contingency that you can dip into if you deem it to be absolutely necessary.

It’s also really important not to rush and book the first suppliers you see and it’s crucial to keep an eye on everything you’re spending.  Include every bill and cost in your budget – don’t try to hide ‘little’ purchases or additional costs because these are the things that add up.

I really do understand how difficult it is to resist temptation when it comes to weddings – everything is so full of emotion and it’s really hard to know what figures are realistic when you start out.  I also know that staying on budget requires work and dedication but simply saying that it’s impossible to stick to your budget is nothing more than a rather convenient untruth!

MYTH 7 – Guys aren’t interested in wedding planning

In some cases, this myth can be a shade of the truth but this certainly isn’t an across the board truth.  Far from it.  The reality is that many guys want to get involved with wedding planning, and whilst they might not want to spend time on Pinterest or blogs falling in love with dresses and details in the same way that you might, this doesn’t mean they’re not interested in planning, they just don’t love some bits in the same way that you do.

So, this is a conversation that you need to have right from the outset with your partner.  You need to talk through the planning process and find out what interests them, what they want to take responsibility for and what they want to be involved with.  Perhaps this myth has grown because some guys just aren’t given the opportunity to be interested in wedding planning!

Men are not genetically programmed to hate wedding planning so please don’t leave them out!

MYTH 8 – Alcohol / iPhones / kids / social media are always welcome

Perhaps this is more of a myth for guests but I wanted to include it to give those of you planning your wedding the reassurance that if you want to leave one or more of these things out of your wedding then that’s absolutely fine.  If you want an unplugged wedding, a child-free day, or don’t want to provide an endless open bar then it’s YOUR wedding and YOUR choice.

I’ve written about social media at weddings before and whilst there’s no right or wrong way to tell your guests what you want, I would urge you to be as clear as possible as early as possible about your decisions and preferences so that there are no surprises for anyone on the day.

MYTH 9 – Wedding planners only work on luxury weddings

Of course there are wedding planners who do only work on luxury weddings with mid blowing budgets but there are also many many more who offer services to suit a range of different styles and budgets.  Whether we’re working with you providing full planning services or providing an extra helping hand on the day itself, we’re by no means exclusively reserved for the rich or the famous.

And yet, we do bring a touch of luxury to your wedding planning experience, whatever your budget. We free up your time, we’re always there for advice and assistance, we do a lot of the background work and we let you, your family and friends completely enjoy the day itself without worry or work and what could possibly be more luxurious than that?

MYTH 10 – Wedding planning is always stressful

Wedding planning isn’t always stressful and I absolutely hate the thought that for so many couples, it is.  There’s no doubting the fact that organising a large event that’s so full of emotion can be tough in places but please please don’t let it become stressful.  There are so many places you can turn to for help and reassurance.  The Love My Dress Facebook group is full of readers talking through problems, sharing experiences and offering advice to each other.

The library of features I’ve written here on Love My Dress is full of hints and tips and I love the ‘words of wedded wisdom’ that are included in so many real wedding features too.  You’re absolutely not doing this on your own and if I can help in any way, do leave a comment or question below.

So, I hope that today we’ve said goodbye to some wedding myths for good.  Now all that’s left is for you to plan your wedding and enjoy every minute of it!

Love Kat x